Saturday

Sometimes you wonder if people can truly understand what you are feeling at times. I guess that's why we are our own individual person. Between one soul today that really irritated me, and a dr I wanted to strangle I am on my wits end and may slap someone (ha). Anyway, I am on a tangent today I guess, and very hormonal. Luckily my cousin was there to vent to today. Here is the deal I am having sharp stabbing pains in my abdomen and have since yesterday, but at this point I was almost afraid to call the dr to ask her about it. Even though my issues have all been legitimate and ones THEY discovered in office or in the hospital it still makes you feel like a stupid ass to call and ask. So I have put up with the pain today, and just hoped that it wasn't an infection, or something else that would harm the baby. I had a tummy tuck awhile ago so it could be related to that......I don't think it is though because it doesn't feel like tearing or straining of muscles. So I did finally put a call into my dr, and yep I feel like a dumbass. I made it very clear to her that I would not be calling if it was contractions because I always contract. She just said "well then it's the kidneys or the gallbladder" Um you ARE NOT LISTENING! It's not ANYWHERE NEAR my kidney or gallbladder, and I wasn't some first timer calling you I have dealt with these pains coming and going for 24 hours now! So she then said she thinks it's just being "36 weeks preggo"...k! REALLY? Cause I have never known what it was like to be 36 weeks preggo before or for that matter shit 42 weeks pregnant (Em)....talk about uncomfortable. (yes that was a very smart alec comment) Oh and not to mention let's see the Er at 18 weeks thought my low platelet level was "no big deal being and nothing to worry about", and my recent yeast infection according to her nurse was "just some red spots and nothing to worry about" was a big deal a few weeks later though. Not to mention the aggravation from the constant contractions, and Jude's high heartrate. I am beginning to lose faith in the medical community. I do like my dr, but sometimes I feel they are so rushed and have a listening problem. With as many patients as they get I can understand that it is hard to be patient, and understanding with each one especially someone with such a high risk case like mine. Then again this is someones life you are messing with!!! You know what though and whats so frustrating? She may be right it may be nothing.... it may be nothing to be concerned over. My heartrate is over 115 though again today, I am sweating like a pig, and I have these stabbing pains every few mins. So if it is an infection and I have yet diagnosed myself again I will be PISSED! Do I want to go in and get checked? No not really... so see my confliction? I want to be pissy, but not go in anyway...lol. I am a handful today. She basically told me I could go in and they could "hook me up all over again". Ok LOOOOOOOOOOOK I am not the one that ASKED to be hooked up before you people gave me no choice as you walked me FROM YOUR OFFICE to the hospital and checked me in! They were the ones that diagnosed my pre-term labor. She also said she would not deliver me....um I never asked you to! I feel like something is wrong....my maternal instincts are telling me that something is wrong. Anyway, I am pressed to the max I guess. My anxiety level about the baby has actually been pretty good before this I have just accepted things how they are. I have anxiety about my job, but other than that I am ok. It's been nice spending some time alone with Emily so even though I get bored it's been nice. Do I sit and wish that I had a normal pregnancy where right now I would just be waiting and hoping for a smooth delivery? Of course, but life ain't always fair chicka. I am feeling Jude move for the most part so that is reassuring to me. Oh MYYYYYYYYY My Angel cat just fell from the top of the balcony in our house?!?!?! She landed on her side? Don't they land on their feet? Em has her wrapped up in a blanket nursing her. She seems ok but that was sure a LOUD hiss and meow!