Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Machester and Anger!

I am sorry it's been awhile since I blogged but it's taken weeks to get over this horrible respiratory illness. In fact I am still coughing which is very annoying but it is what it is. 

Last night when I got home I was going about my normal routine when Mike called out to me and said, "There has been a bombing in England." My sister had just flown out from Heathrow to Scotland that morning so I immediately stopped and sat down with Mike to watch the news. Then I learned it was at an Ariana Grande concert and I realized the target was children and teens. "Jesus" I muttered in shock and in a way of prayer. More than 70% of the 21,000 people there were made up of children and teens. Who does this? What type of mindset do you have to have to strap a nail bomb to your waist and walk into an area filled with young people full of aspirations and dreams and end their lives? A person with no soul. 

This attack has really affected me and I feel myself drawn to watch the stories unfolding of those who have been lost. Maybe it's because as a  mother who has lost a child my heart just ached for the parents last night. My own daughter attended the Ariana Grande concert in our city and I couldn't imagine standing outside the arena waiting and hoping to see her in a sea of people. The news made reference last night that out of 21,000 people the situation could have been worse. To those injured and killed it cannot get any worse and the numbers make no difference to their family's. Many people are refusing to watch the news and while I understand I also feel we have a responsibility to know this is really happening and this carnage truly exists because it's time a solution is found. I have no idea what that solution is but these radical terrorists have infiltrated our country and those countries around us. They no longer only exist in the Middle East. They are our neighbors, our co-workers, our clients, and they walk among us without fear. 

In my research I have found that suicide bombings became a staple to inflict terror in Lebanon. In 1983 one of the worst attacks carried out on the US military was on a Marine barracks in Lebanon and the blast killed 241 people. Unfortunately, the use of suicide bombings has become a staple that now encompasses not only men but women and children. Israel has taken steps to deter these actions by stripping the family of the bomber left behind of any monetary gain and destroying their homes. That's an interesting approach. Through research I have also learned that there are arguments on if each suicide bombing should be labeled a terrorist attack or a movement. In my opinion it's always a terrorist attack. Any act of violence that inflicts death and fear in my opinion should always be labeled terror. 

I know we cannot live in fear but I do live more aware and I believe that's the educated approach to the situation. I am not fond of large crowded arenas but when I am out I do spot the exit and I use common sense when I can. If someone is at a function that wouldn't necessitate the need for a backpack I do make note. I also have zero fear in reporting something or someone I think is suspicious. We are lucky here in America because most of us live in our protected little bubbles but I think we also need to remember it's not hard to pop a bubble. My hope is that someday our world finds a way to peace and that all the children of the world once again feel safe and loved. 

Prayers to the family's of those that were lost in this senseless act and wishes for a speedy recover to those that were injured. 

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

The Loyal Dog

May 10, 2014 - We took Jude to Sea World and to Morgans Wonderland for his Make A Wish trip and it was amazing. On top of the fabulous trip we picked up our new puppy Liebe.  She was originally picked to become a therapy dog for Jude. When Mike went to go meet the breeder and pick up the new puppy I handed him a pink carrier and waited for their return. I knew I was in trouble when he walked through the door and I see a tiny little German Shepherd head sticking out of a freshly chewed hole in the carrier. It was instant love and Jude loved her too and how fitting since that's the very meaning of her name. When he first saw her he truly looked at her and even put his hand on her which was a huge accomplishment for Jude. 

We could tell in an instant how smart Liebe was and to this day she is still incredibly intelligent. She never really got to be Jude's therapy dog because he became so ill after his surgery. However Liebe was always there. 

She even let me dress her up. 

She was always there looking over the railing at Jude. Sometimes she would just sit on the couch with us while I held Jude and we watched TV together. 

When Jude died one of the saddest moments to me was watching Liebe sniff his bed all over like she was looking for him. She wasn't used to the sides of the bed being down and she looked a bit confused. I think she eventually got it. She took his green turtle blanket my sister made Jude and I just let her have it. She is a good dog! She is smart, kind, gentle, and loyal. Happy family anniversary Liebe. 

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

The Great Sickness

My co-worker Chandi came down with flu A. Since I have already had that strain I wasn't to worried as I should be immune. However on Friday she stated she still wasn't feeling very well. A fleeting thought ran through my head wondering if her flu could have turned into pneumonia. Sure enough on Saturday she sent me a message she had the dreaded P word and would not be at work. I felt really bad for her. Then she kept trying to make herself come to work because she felt bad and I finally just forced her to go to the ER and then go home. I pulled the husband card and contacted her man who does a good job of looking out for her and he got her to the proper place. 

On Tuesday I noticed I got a bit winded on my evening walk so I just did one lap. I figured I was just tired and went about my day by Wednesday and Thursday I was dragging a bit more. On Friday the holy rain of hell hit and I was sicker than I have ever been. I dragged myself to work since Chandi was out and that wasn't wise. I loathe being sick and this year I have been more sick than I have every been. It annoys me, it annoys others, and I am over it. My thieves oil is letting me down lately. Anyway, by Sunday I thought I was feeling a bit better but boy was I wrong. I have reasoning for telling you all this so bear with me. 

Yesterday morning I woke up about 4:30 am and I couldn't breathe. I was panicked but I evaluated the situation like I used to for Jude. I have a pediatric dose of xanex that has been given to me for the PTSD I suffer from Jude's passing. I took a half to calm myself down, then I took a breathing treatment, gave myself some CPT, took my temp which had spiked again and then took a steaming bath. Then I gathered up my items and took myself to the ER. The doctor was very kind and very patient. He said this has been going around and he believed my fever spike was not from the infection but a systemic reaction to the inflammation in my respiratory system. I thought he might be crazy but he ordered a shot of a high dose steroid and I swear within 30 minutes I went from feeling like death to feeling awful. HUGE improvement. Later while I was waiting in my room I overheard him briefing the doctor who was relieving him and he was explaining my situation. He said after all his built up immunity he wound up catching what I have also and there have been a lot of people in with it. He explained he has MRSA and actually wound up hospitalized and lost 28lb in 3 weeks. I thought omg MRSA. So I mentioned when they came in that Jude had MRSA and we had nurses in our house all the time. They explained this could be a super bug then and that's why it hit so hard. This is my breathing last night and I felt SO much better so that gives you an idea of how sick I really was. I used to always tell Jude he sounded like he had pop rocks in his throat. 

I really just removed myself from life in general to get better which I think was a hard concept for some because I always just keep going. I didn't go go this time I stop stopped. I also noticed many people no longer follow me on Facebook because they didn't know my condition and that's understandable. I have a lot on my Facebook regarding Jude and businesses and that can be tough. 

All I could do during all of this was think of Jude. I thought of how he struggled with this 16 times and how awful it must have been for him. I thought of that last time he struggled and how he didn't win the fight and how scary it must have been to not get air into his lungs. I can hope that it wasn't hard for him but I know it was. I know my grief for Jude will always be there and always be strong but this weekend also inspired me to make some changes in my life. I want happiness again and I am looking for that and praying for the right path.