tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85813174311331325182024-02-19T11:00:38.314-06:00Jude; The diary of a baby and a strokeJennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.comBlogger1894125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-59639452147847851522021-04-26T14:15:00.002-05:002021-04-26T14:15:06.212-05:00A Year Of Enlightenment <div><b>I have decided that this past year has been a time of enlightenment for me on many levels. I think approaching 50 years old and a worldwide pandemic has opened my eyes to so many things. I have always been very opinionated especially when it came to issues I felt went against my moral values. I also have always believe in educating yourself. If someone spoke about something that was historically or statistically inaccurate I would kindly correct them. In my youngers years I was also very quick to get frustrated with situations that were stressful or difficult to deal with. If you have followed my blog for the last 13 years you also know I was always on the go with a new adventure or a new place to visit. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>I am no longer that person and I like it. Not everyone will like the new me and that's okay. I like my quiet time, being at home, being slow, and being mellow. I now literally stop myself from replying to others asking myself if my opinion on the matter they posted or spoke about is truly important. Is what I am going to say going to make a true difference in the world at hand and if not I move on. In my line of work we sometimes get very angry customers and in the service industry as a whole people can see very upset individuals. I wonder if we just took a moment to take a deep breath before we reacted if the outcome would be different. I am not saying we shouldn't ever get upset or allow someone to wrong us in our lives but I have just personally decided to try to let things go. To take in as much positive as I can. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>This past year I thought I was helping a friend by advising a companion was not faithful and wasn't extending decency when talking about my friend. Although I felt in my heart I was doing the right thing by warning her it backfired. Then recently I commented on a social media post (damn social media) and it was taken out of context. It was on a touchy subject and I was just trying to be supportive. So I decided to just stop commenting on anything that could be construed as political, religious, pandemic associated, or relationship geared. I had someone bring up a political opinion the other day and I just simply replied that politics aren't my job and I no longer discuss them. God didn't put me here to prove my side is the right side because it may not be. I found a quote that says, "You cannot control how other people receive your energy. Anything you do or say gets filtered through the lens of whatever personal stuff they are going through at the moment. Which is not about you. Just keep doing your thing with as much integrity and love as possible." That resonated with me because it's so true!! If politics, masks, work, depression, joy, hate, fear, life, babies, whatever is on your mind will filter what you are reading and perceiving. That can affect your reaction and my reaction to any given situation at hand. My mother used to always tell me to walk away from a situation for five minutes and breathe before I spoke. Those were some words of wisdom right there folks! I should have listened. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>I guess with everything that has happened in my life since I was 7 years old I just started to wind down. Long quiet cool evenings sitting out on my patio while listening to the wind in the trees and the birds makes me very happy right now. Living at a slower pace and taking in all I can while I still can means more than I can say. I hear Jude all around me out on our land and see him in the dragonflies that flutter by my hands. I don't miss the traffic or the busy hustle but I do miss my friends and enjoy seeing them again. I am not sure I ever really grasped that when I retire I want a quiet life away from the commotion with my dogs and animals but I understand that now. In the meantime I am still extremely grateful that my business is still so successful while I work from home and it's because of all my loyal friends, family, and clientele. </b></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="-moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; background: none 0% 0% repeat scroll transparent; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-18141665235051294422021-04-09T20:10:00.003-05:002021-04-09T20:35:30.060-05:00Jude's 5th year Angel day. Hello Blogger I am back! <div><b>Well hello Blogger! I know it's been a while but I have been working on healing. It's the 5th anniversary of Jude's angel day. I take this day off work every year to reflect on our lives and to refrain from being ugly to someone that may be less than kind. It's not a customers fault that my emotions on on high alert so I just personally decided to lay low on 4/9. A lot has changed in the last five years. Emily has now graduated college with a BS in Psychology and a minor in Biology. She also obtained her CNA so she can gather experience in the medical field while either training as a nurse or a PA. Emily also competed at Miss Alabama USA 2021 and made the top 10. A few months later she heard from a large modeling firm who saw her at the event and plans on signing her as a new client. Her first portfolio shoot is at the end of this month.......SURPRISE! </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0u7xhmxV6bqwWUsBaC1s-w6yAx0zfyz5kwUSepO_gt7jGEBAror952kHr6rSVPYdrm9B-Vphpo0QoVG8t1bJlW-VvTCWM2XffEYDywFa5FPiJ3dOTPNI4QeBx7hQg5Wio85rpU0qxl6Q/s2048/Emily+ad+page+-+Hidden+Door.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1593" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0u7xhmxV6bqwWUsBaC1s-w6yAx0zfyz5kwUSepO_gt7jGEBAror952kHr6rSVPYdrm9B-Vphpo0QoVG8t1bJlW-VvTCWM2XffEYDywFa5FPiJ3dOTPNI4QeBx7hQg5Wio85rpU0qxl6Q/s320/Emily+ad+page+-+Hidden+Door.jpg" /></a></div><br /><b><br /></b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSQmQGFxxha5xj4gsdhumq3BD0JxtxMwzHtal3QdqMA9OMdbMYT2hyphenhyphentSkjzVtIJDakQMZSdncxCC6majvleJ2SWPTKQUKNbyFTor_SnMZSmEPV8naI6_ze5MQMKB2j8JJ_w4YCQjenA-4/s1224/Em+1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="1224" data-original-width="816" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSQmQGFxxha5xj4gsdhumq3BD0JxtxMwzHtal3QdqMA9OMdbMYT2hyphenhyphentSkjzVtIJDakQMZSdncxCC6majvleJ2SWPTKQUKNbyFTor_SnMZSmEPV8naI6_ze5MQMKB2j8JJ_w4YCQjenA-4/s320/Em+1.jpg" /></b></a></div><b><br /></b><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Emily's Smile Boxes is still going strong. During the pandemic we were not able to ship boxes so we focused on family needs. We shipped laptops to children who could not afford them for at home learning, provided funds for groceries, and so much more. We are now able to ship boxes again so we are sending out 100 at a time to be put together by volunteers while we also continue to help funding those in need during the crisis. This is one of our regular volunteers who makes the boxes we send and drops them off. I know Jude would love the smiles the boxes bring to children and their families. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcy8PXXClu-K_zC04T5cLsqjptAYy3eozWJpRhZo1P1oV1vGwyh659e_S7rWsXJvl0UIt3r3Hl3jC3OZM3jmaZj0w2M-V-dqQk6zFqtjIkzJDjufa715JJw7_thl9Btcjm0qD9Tpyypf0/s1115/Em+2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="1115" data-original-width="828" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcy8PXXClu-K_zC04T5cLsqjptAYy3eozWJpRhZo1P1oV1vGwyh659e_S7rWsXJvl0UIt3r3Hl3jC3OZM3jmaZj0w2M-V-dqQk6zFqtjIkzJDjufa715JJw7_thl9Btcjm0qD9Tpyypf0/s320/Em+2.jpg" /></b></a></div><b><br /></b><div><b>My parentals found a puppy in Arkansas on the side of the road for sale for a mere $10 and they were smitten. They brought her home and called me to see if I would take her in. Since I have an ever increasing zoo I agreed to one more little one and she has been the biggest stinker I have ever owned but I love her deeply. Sometimes when I look in her eyes I feel a little part of Jude in her smiling back at me. My aunt says that a dear relative of ours always said that dogs are heart menders. My four pups have for sure been mending my broken heart for a while now. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQZ6QZgfaEdBilg07BLMn-2Q7M7nzQbWeaeAk0y050m4m38m00AXZJlJc5HO3YHSCJ_Lkcd1RzqPn8MsbVpH35jYDPkRof6D-Ahxn2oFAK_YRXmRSdlO9tLmRAeEVbymq7SSaPnegrSow/s2048/Lola.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQZ6QZgfaEdBilg07BLMn-2Q7M7nzQbWeaeAk0y050m4m38m00AXZJlJc5HO3YHSCJ_Lkcd1RzqPn8MsbVpH35jYDPkRof6D-Ahxn2oFAK_YRXmRSdlO9tLmRAeEVbymq7SSaPnegrSow/s320/Lola.jpg" /></b></a></div><b><br /></b><div><b>Over the last year laced with the covid pandemic we endured Mike being bit by a venomous copperhead and "Snovid." Back in the summer Mike was stepping into our front door and little did he know a copperhead was sitting on our welcome mat. I heard him scream and knew immediately this was NOT good! We live in TX in an area that has many snakes and although I know how to handle them they are not easy to spot at night. Copperheads are nocturnal so that doesn't help the situation. Nothing really sums up 2020 more than a hospital discharge summary that reads "Venomous snake bite"; luckily it was a dry bite. That doesn't mean I didn't enter the ER in a full panic frenzied stern mom voice saying my child died I will NOT LOSE my husband! That poor ER felt horrible when they had to ask me to leave due to the no visitor rule. I sat by myself in the parking lot waiting to hear the outcome and God answered my prayers. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Next we had good old Snovid the snowpocolypse that hit TX with a near 100% electrical power grid failure. Thankfully, we found out we sit near a birthing center, the police station, the fire station, and a water plant. So we never lost electricity unlike so many other poor Texans. Last I heard we lost 111 Texans to freezing temperatures. We learned we will never be without a wood burning fire place, back up food storage, backup water storage, and a cast iron stove. Our grid was not prepared for the temps we received and it was heartbreaking watching the desperate social media posts! I work in insurance and they're telling us the claims from broken pipes, etc. will surpass Katrina and that's staggering. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNmBRmMdor4jhvfffcpMV_y2Zj3fVoFdOap20EwSs7cp0sdZKPbMzi9J4azsshky3E2lNv-ANz2HPSE_Y3h0kwAfQnIcAUd5ZBmXbyUacmGbt71UIAI4AnaSXcl2RRvXFn7-k8yr6mPfs/s2048/Snovid.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNmBRmMdor4jhvfffcpMV_y2Zj3fVoFdOap20EwSs7cp0sdZKPbMzi9J4azsshky3E2lNv-ANz2HPSE_Y3h0kwAfQnIcAUd5ZBmXbyUacmGbt71UIAI4AnaSXcl2RRvXFn7-k8yr6mPfs/s320/Snovid.jpg" /></b></a></div><b><br /></b><div><b>I still have my same wonderful job, my eccentric crazy loveable family, and most of my adoring beautiful friends. The pandemic has caused a lot of heartache based on many political issues and honestly a lot of assumptions. I feel like we will all make it back to each other at some point if it's meant to be. A piece of your heart cannot escape unless it's meant to leave forever. If you're true friends with the best intentions meant on each side then a relationship isn't lost it just needed a timeout. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj23Kis7jgunTFD1mKPcD_J15kOzYDvSMGROc_6y8an2q2fHxpuooXXnuMNvIYQVKt2vPsETVz98bdnZ9Dx-ZlAxGGMcPCo53VR7Wjop5X-2mNxUR8_LH_4pRFU2tWb84mpRXmpnOdWToA/s500/Friend+1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="500" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj23Kis7jgunTFD1mKPcD_J15kOzYDvSMGROc_6y8an2q2fHxpuooXXnuMNvIYQVKt2vPsETVz98bdnZ9Dx-ZlAxGGMcPCo53VR7Wjop5X-2mNxUR8_LH_4pRFU2tWb84mpRXmpnOdWToA/s320/Friend+1.jpg" width="320" /></b></a></div><b><br /></b><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Now let's focus on today. I still have tears streaming down my face as I write but tonight the waves of grief weren't quite as large today as they have been in prior years. It doesn't mean it's easier but I guess I am finding new ways to cope and manage Jude's profound loss. I felt like I was able to process more about the release of Jude's spirit this year. That he had been in pain for so long that it was God's mercy that took Jude somewhere peaceful. This year I also really missed his nurses who were such a part of our family for so long. Sweet Charlotte who was always so organized and always Jude's advocate opted not to return to pediatric care. I think Jude's loss was too much of a heartbreak for her. I still talk to her and get to watch her happy days on social media. Candice is ever the fun loving sweet soul. She would stay up with me late at night letting me drink my wine and complain about everything I needed to before I would retire for the night and she took care of Jude. We only had her for the last year of his laugh but she is forever a friend. Allan and his blessed soul still texts me, "Morning Glory!!" everyday he works with his new patient. The very words he said everyday he showed up to care for Jude. Oh how I am grateful for each and every one of them and the joy they brought to Jude and our family. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>We are still living at the home I believe Jude brought us to. The land is full of dragonflies, butterflies, flowers, grapes, honeysuckle, Wisteria, and so much more. It also has snakes and wasps too but we try to ignore them. The amount of Cardinals that land in my back yard with other birds is truly staggering. Our little happy zoo makes me always think of Jude and Home. Jude would have loved to pet the goats. I can picture taking his hand and rubbing his fingers across their fur as he laughed. He would have loved the chickens and the rooster crowing. I am not sure the nurses would have liked Jude laughing at "Gregory Peck" crowing at 5am but Jude would have loved it. As big as the pig is Jude would have loved his snorting and the dogs with their ever licking tongues would have sent him into a thousand giggles. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2p-FfubC37ZPGLLAUnqvEcRp6Fpk6ZzPWhhADjsT2lo6Ti8Ktw6KUks6ft5ZLzaaIoipPWavcn12xgqlwRJeu6Qw0zFAQmTbRFD2TaYm7t6qsQb4xYv_iJ3oXZb04nmmat62S1TVSQq0/s2048/pig+2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2p-FfubC37ZPGLLAUnqvEcRp6Fpk6ZzPWhhADjsT2lo6Ti8Ktw6KUks6ft5ZLzaaIoipPWavcn12xgqlwRJeu6Qw0zFAQmTbRFD2TaYm7t6qsQb4xYv_iJ3oXZb04nmmat62S1TVSQq0/s320/pig+2.jpg" /></b></a></div><b><br /></b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKtM64bXBanEk3azsmrv7kGFNOaq1orPoyXeecOk76BwjokNAEMdyTznndgZy0Ir3azZ8w8wwshAQYve4OlzrSWqayFphYGyCx9Jo145Si3Pnwn4wMKuFe4qWWOWEcR0xKiQgny8mRwgY/s2048/pig.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKtM64bXBanEk3azsmrv7kGFNOaq1orPoyXeecOk76BwjokNAEMdyTznndgZy0Ir3azZ8w8wwshAQYve4OlzrSWqayFphYGyCx9Jo145Si3Pnwn4wMKuFe4qWWOWEcR0xKiQgny8mRwgY/s320/pig.jpg" /></b></a></div><b><br /></b><div><b><br /></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT1OZ7ctuWXYoVoJ5YTtpAVu_xiLQnzaWRm7TnB7kh32vZ2lZCv6hhg8-NQ5oo5Gm5Zm4fmPx9ozAkjf9gHHdlHR7nIhGbUT53nrqtAkYWYQdBoQOsCDtWFosrtlScXn8LeUgG3PO5LIw/s1080/goat.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT1OZ7ctuWXYoVoJ5YTtpAVu_xiLQnzaWRm7TnB7kh32vZ2lZCv6hhg8-NQ5oo5Gm5Zm4fmPx9ozAkjf9gHHdlHR7nIhGbUT53nrqtAkYWYQdBoQOsCDtWFosrtlScXn8LeUgG3PO5LIw/s320/goat.jpg" /></b></a></div><b><br /></b><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Right before the pandemic hit the continuous rain made our outside stairwell collapse. Ironically this stairwell led to the very room I keep most of Jude's memento's except those around the inside of our home. At first I felt a little panicked I couldn't get to them but I realized we would indeed get it fixed. Then the pandemic hit and out contractor had to quit. We went more than a year and finally it's being fixed. The stairs will be on the East side of our home. I have been oddly excited about this but I guess it's because I worked to be able to afford this and it's a stairwell back to Jude. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtoZanunrASH8fNJtvUQTz8UF7qm-xmQdNkT_SbTkIXYZ_uapr8UjjnwaEoeTKL8r_-ffBPAAOafFxSz1h1YL2DuPG2_ig3fUiLC-Cmlo95UQ2HSPzgLxQc4Acan65wLkZw9j2PCPHBkc/s2048/Stairs+1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtoZanunrASH8fNJtvUQTz8UF7qm-xmQdNkT_SbTkIXYZ_uapr8UjjnwaEoeTKL8r_-ffBPAAOafFxSz1h1YL2DuPG2_ig3fUiLC-Cmlo95UQ2HSPzgLxQc4Acan65wLkZw9j2PCPHBkc/s320/Stairs+1.jpg" width="320" /></b></a></div><b><br /></b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu-dImM63DYKtFkVC7JI7gUEXS-ZZXNUqyI7EpmrVmUWycI2IJsZyYWXmvN5ZoitcG391BOS0T06AeBONhGLLMaUIqApmtehug4u2GU9qJ9bjauijyLprXTe_RfDn9lZoV451E2SrnVfQ/s2048/stairs+2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu-dImM63DYKtFkVC7JI7gUEXS-ZZXNUqyI7EpmrVmUWycI2IJsZyYWXmvN5ZoitcG391BOS0T06AeBONhGLLMaUIqApmtehug4u2GU9qJ9bjauijyLprXTe_RfDn9lZoV451E2SrnVfQ/s320/stairs+2.jpg" /></b></a></div><b><br /></b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs9Hv9-jvPMLVOotbRcapqsDA51YKj4jsHiQO9KCajq7TZg3NoZK33lzXRBo8IIerrFCcOtgOwsML6RWTZ27xXRHFCqiTFORj5MDXkle_UF8qYZURnG5yQU9OPdW2VGcSJrDJEM2tSxrk/s2048/stairs+3.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs9Hv9-jvPMLVOotbRcapqsDA51YKj4jsHiQO9KCajq7TZg3NoZK33lzXRBo8IIerrFCcOtgOwsML6RWTZ27xXRHFCqiTFORj5MDXkle_UF8qYZURnG5yQU9OPdW2VGcSJrDJEM2tSxrk/s320/stairs+3.jpg" /></b></a></div><b><br /></b><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>So that's a quick update of the many months that have passed between my last blog. In the end my heart just very much aches to hold this adorable boy again, see his smile, and smell his fragrant hair. He is forever my little penguin. I am so grateful for my gorgeous daughter, my loving husband, and all those around me. Thank you for you ever enduring patience with my many anxiety issues, my grief, and my lack of patience. Thank you to everyone who sent all they did today for #ididitforjude. To sweet little newborn Jackie, who made her entrance to the world today, I hope you are as bright of a beacon for your parents as Jude was for us. I have no doubt that you will be and thank you for spreading some light on this day that was always so sad. You and your parents are a true blessing. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Hey Jude..........We Miss You. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKDtLE3-tUpLOl0bHjsBMmltCKLiDAgH45P9VHqypIsWGYJVq-VN5oXhO1J6s-4BADvFhxhvzS9QfTDl6y98C25Q_aTpqXdLLBawbZfUG_ELuSKGmH9ERwSdXtxutxmIXqO53FLxgfgXM/s828/Jude+1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="828" data-original-width="828" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKDtLE3-tUpLOl0bHjsBMmltCKLiDAgH45P9VHqypIsWGYJVq-VN5oXhO1J6s-4BADvFhxhvzS9QfTDl6y98C25Q_aTpqXdLLBawbZfUG_ELuSKGmH9ERwSdXtxutxmIXqO53FLxgfgXM/s320/Jude+1.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxQlEMWtEQYH6y3sft4eFR2-0pXeUAsMkGF1SVbuRCWF7sJCbPV3lK1aYYbtJMrS98R-qUjV340q4mW1p-9rYTuMtfSNtmqjpQBYfdCtrzloLCl2itKeAmKhQE3aUX390sYeVXulhVUdc/s1050/jude+2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1050" data-original-width="828" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxQlEMWtEQYH6y3sft4eFR2-0pXeUAsMkGF1SVbuRCWF7sJCbPV3lK1aYYbtJMrS98R-qUjV340q4mW1p-9rYTuMtfSNtmqjpQBYfdCtrzloLCl2itKeAmKhQE3aUX390sYeVXulhVUdc/s320/jude+2.jpg" /></a></div><br /><b><br /></b></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="-moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; background: none 0% 0% repeat scroll transparent; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-25132749760988762782020-09-21T12:10:00.005-05:002020-09-21T12:59:21.805-05:00Why Don't We Talk More About Mental Health Issues? My confession. <div><b>Hello Blogland! </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Since my battle with Coronavirus I have not ventured out of my house on a regular basis. I am actually quite blessed that I have been able to work from home and I have found that I really like it. I was in an office setting for so many years that when we were sent home to isolate I went into panic mode. Seriously, like I drove my family nuts, lol. I wasn't sure how working from home would impact my business and when you work in sales with commission the thought of losing business can be very stressful. This week is actually the first week I have had a significant drop in quotes to do. So if you need insurance please let me know. Overall I am not scared to go back out into the public but I don't want to fight Coronavirus again. Twice is enough for me and I have educated myself enough on the subject to know that historically other coronaviruses have a history of infecting the same people. I am assuming because they are more susceptible. However I am attempting to get out a bit more and test the waters. I take precautions and so does my family because they watched me suffer. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Emily and I ventured out this weekend and after having a good discussion with my cousin I thought I would share my Saturday experience. I think we talk a lot in America about the need to acknowledge mental illness but we are afraid to share our own challenges. So despite what you may think about me after you read this I am going to share mine. Maybe it will help someone else open up and let people know that it's okay to not always be okay. I have blogged before that in 2001 Emily and I were in a horrific car crash. We were traveling down Grapevine Hwy and I slowed to allow a car to turn in front of me. A young man driving 65 mph hit me with such force it sent my SUV spinning and then flipping. We flipped into a large commercial light pole and took the entire pole over. We were hanging upside down in the vehicle until rescuers got us out. I was injured but thankfully Emily was fine snuggled in her car seat. Less then three weeks later 9/11 hit and BOOM this month leaves Jenn with the worst PTSD! I had a terrible fear of driving and riding in a car after that accident. I saw a therapist and luckily he did finally help me begin to drive normally again but after Jude died the issue came back. The therapist said the trauma of losing him just agitated old issues. I was beginning to get a bit better but then Covid hit and I found that not having to drive relieved a mountain of stress I didn't realize I was carrying. The problem is now that I haven't driven in so long I have the tendency to have terrible panic attacks in the car. I was driving Emily to Grapevine to my office and then on to Southlake Saturday and I had to pull over just to catch my breath. Things that make me panic are two lane roads (377), congested areas, and highways. So for me if I have to pick going out somewhere that may end in a huge panic attack I would rather just stay home. It's just not fun for me to go through that to get to some place to try to have fun. So if you think I am ignoring you, I am not. So back to therapy I go again soon. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Overall the rest of life is going pretty well. We have a rather surprising situation that we are working with right now that I will write more about when we learn more about what will be happening. In closing we celebrated Jude's 12th birthday on 9/2. Mike took balloons and flowers by the cemetery and left them for a week. We still feel him with us everyday making an impact and we thank him for preparing us for isolation. This was the life we led with Jude on a daily basis.</b> </div><div><br /></div><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="-moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; background: none 0% 0% repeat scroll transparent; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-53166721337851635522020-05-18T13:37:00.001-05:002020-07-06T19:16:51.516-05:00My Fight Against Covid 19<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
I wrote this blog over several weeks as I dealt with the illness so forgive the original date shown for publishing.<br />
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So by now you have probably heard I had Coronavirus Sars 2 - Covid 19, I shit you not. After everything we have been through I don't know why I didn't just assume it would strike my house. Sometimes I know my family feels I put our life on display but now that I am recovered I felt the need to share my story to help others. </div>
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On or around 3/11/20 my work placed all employees on a work at home basis to avoid physical contact and to keep our workers and clients safe. Prior to leaving our office I had a dry cough for about 2 weeks and I chalked it up to allergies. This dry cough continued and my co-workers even poked fun at me on our zoom meetings that I had the virus (it was truly all in fun). On 4/18/20 I started feeling very tired and I had a sore throat in the base of my throat. The next day I remember watching my husband plant some flowers and I could barely move. I wanted to help him plant but I just sat there and watched him. By Monday things were bad and my symptoms were increasing rapidly. On Tuesday 4/21 I decided to put a call into my doctor and I found out I needed to do a telemedicine visit. I didn't get my personal doctor but did reach a doctor within Baylor. I went through my symptoms, </div>
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*Dry Cough</div>
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*Lethargic</div>
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*Body Aches</div>
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*Sore Throat</div>
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*Headache</div>
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*Diarrhea </div>
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*Shortness of breath</div>
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*Pretty sure I was hit by a train. Like an express train going 190mph that didn't stop. </div>
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I thought I had an upper respiratory infection and that I would just be placed on some antibiotics. I was surprised when I heard the doctor state she suspected I had Covid. It did all make sense though because the virus was unlike anything I had felt before. So she sent me to downtown Dallas to have a nasal swab which I am pretty sure pierced my brain cavity. You pull up to a private location and nurses come to you dressed head to toe in zombie fighting gear. They have you sit on your hands while they shove this long swab up your nose. It only lasted a few seconds with mine (hence the future issue you will read) and then it was over. I went home feeling like death and waiting on my results and at this point I was still nursing myself without medication. On Friday my results were in and the nasal swab said negative. My family was free to go back to work and I was left feeling like death and left in limbo without any definitive answers as to why I felt so horrible. </div>
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Friday night I began experiencing what I labeled as oxygen attacks. I would begin to feel winded if I was walking around and when I used my pulse oximeter my oxygen was floating around 89-90, whoa. That's no bueno! However, when I sat down the oxygen would rise so I waited a bit but the night grew worse so I went to a local Urgent care/ER. The facility listened to my story, checked my vitals, tested for strep - negative, tested for flu - negative, and mentioned doing a rapid Covid test but they decided against it. They sent me home with antibiotics and a diagnosis of Acute Respiratory Illness. Days later I was back on with the regular doctor and at this point I cannot even describe how ill I was. She prescribed a whole host of medications and advised me to rest and if it got worse go to the ER. I then had a follow up care date and I began to feel like I was getting better. My voice began to switch from a sultry Darth Vader to a more normal scratchy and a bit shaky voice. The headaches, upset stomach, and low oxygen would come and go. Then I began to notice that the symptoms would seem to start all over again which is unlike any virus I have ever dealt with. Also, I would feel terrible in the mornings, okay in the afternoon, and horrible at night. Finally at a follow up I had a blood test and on day 20 I tested positive for active Covid.<br />
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The doctors said they believe I already had a virus which weakened my immune system and I then caught Covid, sorry but we will agree to disagree here. It was Covid from the start. The symptoms never varied and although I am not a doctor I do believe my levels for testing were just not functional at the beginning. When you test positive things switch into high gear. My personal doctor called later in the day to do a follow up based on the testing information and were truly so kind and understanding. They were concerned about my lungs and wanted a chest X-ray but they didn't have a machine at their office and their urgent care was closed. So it was suggested I go back to the facility I was at prior that diagnosed me with an acute respiratory illness. They had full machines and a prior X ray on file. So I called ahead to let them know what had been requested and explained I had active Covid. When I arrived I found that the door was locked or at least the sliding feature was turned off and no one was in the lobby to be seen. So after knocking a bit they answered the door and asked if I was the one that called and I advised I was. I realized at that point the door was a deterrent for me as they panicked. An initial nurse came out asking me what I wanted and I explained the situation. Then another nurse came out asking me the same thing and then pointing out she had negative cases in the back. The attendant in the front asked me to wait outside around the corner while they checked in other patients. So I quietly made my way outside and shed a few tears. I understand but it was like walking into a clinic in 1980 and telling them you may have HIV. Finally, a nurse came out in full zombie gear and led me down the walk of shame towards the back of the building where everyone stared as I was escorted into a zippered room. They did a chest X-Ray from outside the room........interesting. Thankfully it was clear and then the doctor came and spoke to me. He was very nice and explained I 100% had Covid and he was prescribing some additional medications to ease my symptoms. The nurse in the room with me apologized for everything that happened at their clinic and while listening to her words I made a realization. I look at her curiously and asked, "Wait am I your first case of Covid?" She looked down and then back at me and said, "Yes our first positive case." I replied, "Well no wonder I bet you guys were like oh shit!" She said, "Pretty much!" I mean in all honesty they should have been better prepared but I guess these are unprecedented times. So I went home with another sheet of paper to add to my growing stack.<br />
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Later that day my doctor's office called again after communicating with the facility I went to. The PA was concerned about my inflammation and how long I had been sick. She was really recommending and pushing me to go to Baylor Hospital. When you are sick with Covid it is hard to know exactly what you should do because everyone around you is affected. My family was placed on quarantine and then let go when my swab was negative. We now know the swab was probably not performed right and that is why you got a false negative. I felt my family was embarrassed that I had the virus and worried that people would treat us differently, I can't say that I blame them but at this point they were well beyond their window for illness. So since I had been stable at home I decided to nix the hospital. I am well trained on respiratory illnesses due to Jude and I know when things turn worse. I also know it can be quickly turn for the worse but I felt comfortable enough staying home.<br />
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Skip to Monday 5/11 now 24 days into misery and I was dealing with burning pain in my legs and my bones felt like they were breaking. It had lasted about 4-5 days and this was a symptom I had at the second urgent care/ER visit. Ironically my phone rang and it was an RN case manager in Dallas that has been assigned to my case. I guess she gets updates twice daily on how I am doing and was reaching out. I told her about the leg issue and they were checking into possible <span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">rhabdomyolysis. Don't google it. So they got that information to my doctor who was again okay with me monitoring for signs and symptoms at home. The primary goal is to keep you out of the hospital so you don't spread the virus and you don't catch anything else to further complicate your healing. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Thankfully, I was directed to a Covid support group on Facebook and they were such a lifeline or hope and support for me. I felt so incredibly alone during this fight and after 20 plus days of illness everyone has pretty much reached their max with me. So let me put some rumors to rest for you. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">1. If you catch the serious version of Covid (Cornavirus) then you are not generally better in a ten day time period. My doctor was very upfront that this could be a lengthy recovery. Thankfully I was never in the critical category. Some with the mild to moderate cases luckily recover much quicker. Within my support group it doesn't seem to matter if you have underlying symptoms for the expected duration. I healed (mostly) in 26 days when there are others much healthier than I am that are on day 90+. I find those in New York seem to post more often that they or a loved one are seriously ill. It makes me wonder about strains but I am not a scientist, I just simply lived this.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">2. This virus doesn't just attack the elderly or those with underlying issues. My group is full of young and healthy people that are truly suffering. Luckily most conquer the illness. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">3. Covid is a menagerie of symptoms that are not standard and the virus is ever mutating with more symptoms. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">4. It's not the flu! It's not anywhere near the flu. If you say flu to me you will get punched (not really but I will say, Oh bless your heart). Telling someone it's just a flu or not a death sentence is not helpful </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">what-so-ever when they're dealing with it and you are healthy. I understand any illness can have complications but when someone is trying to relay to you a lengthy list of symptoms that do no fall in line with seasonal flu it's worth listening. I will say that some people who have mild symptoms won't agree with this so again I am only referencing severe cases. There are many many mild cases so don't be afraid if you get a positive test. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">5. Swab tests can be wrong. If you have symptoms I believe treat the symptoms and that seems to be the route the doctors are now turning to. I did feel a bit scared but relieved when the blood test showed positive, only because I couldn't understand why I was so sick. However, as stated many many people in my group are being treated for symptoms and not being required to test. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">6. The symptoms can drag out lasting days, weeks, or even months even after positive antibodies show and you are no longer contagious. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">7. You don't always run a fever with Covid. I laugh a bit at the facilities installing temperature monitors. My temp is generally 97.4 and my temp was ranging 98.1 - 99. The doctor said that with Covid that's a fever. So throw what you have always learned out the window. There is no longer the mentality of "rub a little dirt on it and you will be okay" with a mild temperature increase. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">8. There is no "big brother" watching your every move in Texas but they do in some states. At this point the medical staff informs you that they have to tell you the CDC guidelines for quarantining but no one enforces it. I simply had a case manager that would call to see how I was doing. I stayed home because I felt it was responsible and I didn't want to spread the illness. I am still indoors and will not be venturing out until this weekend. This virus is just so new and is full of so much unknown. However, there are many cases out there that are positive and people are just unaware. People walking around you everyday. I tend to believe we are all going to be exposed at some point. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">9. Covid can rapidly change and become deadly so please get to an ER if you believe you have Covid and experience breathing issues. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">Watching people debate politics on social media and discuss whether the virus is a hoax is incredibly frustrating when you are battling it. You tend to just scroll past those posts but sometimes we as a human race should stop and think about how we can be kind versus how we can argue. Also all social media seems to be is a debate between the maskers and non maskers lately. My cousin told me that she has an opinion but she chooses not to share it because she doesn't have an ego that needs to justify being heard. That can sound a bit harsh but it makes you take a step back and realize that no matter what we think our only job is to give others grace and support. Many people in my support forum are from outside the US and they remark frequently on how odd it is that our country is so divided against each other. My husband constantly tells me that the powers that be set in place motions to divide the red ants from the black ants. It's those that participate in the division and fuel the fire on social media that let those powers that be win. I thought that was rather enlightening.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">It's a slow healing process and I am not sure if there will be lasting effects or if I can catch it again. I am praying for no on both of those items and promising data suggests once you have antibodies you cannot get infected again. This scenario seems to change daily but it's still promising. However I can say I am getting better and stronger each and every day. I have what's called "Post Viral Fatigue" which is not contagious it just means the illness took a huge toll on my body. I get winded and tired easily and I take that into consideration with work and other activities. Point of this long blog is to share with the world the misconceptions, what it's like, what we need to learn, and how we need to care for those with the illness. I hope it helps someone because this virus isn't going anywhere. Patients with Covid19 are not lepers and they are still the same people you care about. It's not their fault they caught the virus and they just need your support. My favorite was when our bank couldn't fix their deposit app so Mike had to run his check to deposit. He did this from his vehicle, outside the glass, and 20 feet away. Our banker basically griped me out that he came to their facility. I explained he is outside his window and they should be using hand sanitizer, especially while handling money. Her reply was, "that gets tedious". Um how is that my fault? Insert me turning my head to the side with squinty eyes. </span><br />
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The most asked question I get it, "How in the world did you catch it?" I believe I brought it home when I was first house-bound. My doctor believes Mike had a very mild version and brought it to me from his work. Emily then got a very mild version as well but they were rapidly better. The next question or statement I always get is, I think I had it back in so and so. So far every person that has told me that that follows through on the antibody test has been negative. I am sure that will change but if you get the serious version of this there is zero doubt what you have! However, if you do have the antibodies then maybe you're a candidate to donate plasma.<br />
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In closing I want to say how grateful I am for the people in my life. Thank you for all the business referrals for insurance as I battled this illness from home. Thank you to my aunts both checked on me every single day, my friends would listen to me complain to NO END, my work was so attentive and patient, and Emily/Mike who were extremely helpful. I am very thankful to all those that prayed and helped. Without you I don't think I would have kept pushing through this. I was so tired of life tribulations and health issues that I was just ready to give up. You turned my thinking around. People say 2020 is a year we won't want to remember. I say it's the year I beat the odds, Emily will graduate, she will achieve her goals (more to come later), and our family yet again become stronger!! We still miss our little Jude every single day but at my most sick point I could feel him holding my hand. He is always there.<br />
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I hope that everyone I know stays healthy and safe but if you do get it have hope it will clear up and there is support out there for you. </div>
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-68050485791321450342019-11-26T11:39:00.001-06:002019-11-26T11:39:56.952-06:00The Cemetery And The Weekend<b>So last week wasn't an easy week and neither was the weekend. That's okay because things happen and if we don't learn how to pick ourselves up an wipe the dirt off we just continue to drown. Basically, the primary issue centered around a visit to Jude's grave at the cemetery. Mike went by and noticed that all of the items we have left for Jude had been removed from his site. Now, let me explain that we chose a rural cemetery for two reasons. We felt it was peaceful and serine like Jude but they were also more lenient regarding wreaths, plants, rocks, etc left at sites. Parts of my family are Catholic, parts are Methodist, parts are Jewish, etc. So we combine a menagerie of customs when it comes to Jude, one of which is leaving a rock on the headstone to symbolize a prayer. We had a small wire bird basket that held prayer rocks in it and rocks friends had decorated. We also had a Saint medallion that had hung on Jude's bed for 7 years hanging on his headstone, we felt it was fitting. When Mike called me I was calm at first and then something just triggered my grief and I had the ugly cry. You know the one where you cannot catch your breath? </b><br />
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<b>Mike showed up at my office and assured me everything would be fine, they're just material items. He has a way of calming me down when it's most needed. I called the cemetery and found they had Jude's items in a box and had completed a "clean up" of the cemetery. We were grateful to have the items back but I was crushed that his medallion was missing. The facility explained they no longer allow rocks on headstones but I pointed out even the national cemetery allows rock in the symbol of prayer. We will see what happens but at least we have his items back and I understand that sometimes they have to clean up the areas. So we got everything in a box with the rules in a folder. Lovely. </b><br />
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<b>Skip to this weekend when I had to tackle four stores for items I needed. I actually walked out of two stores and forgot the same thing twice, sigh! Anyway, it's hard at the holidays to be in a store if you have lost a child. There is a multitude of feelings that become overwhelming as you walk through the aisle's laced with Christmas cheer. Seeing the little children with their families is both glorious or torturous all at the same time. You smile as the kids bump into you as you wipe small tears away at the same time. So I decided to buy myself a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine, and head home to put up Christmas. I figured I would tackle the negative with positive. </b><br />
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<b>I then encountered a situation where I tried to do the right thing but it just didn't work out in my favor and that's okay. Sometimes that's the way life goes. So I found an interesting meme today that made my thought processes fire in all different directions. </b><br />
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<b>True that sometimes in some situations we just need someone to just listen to us without judgement or opinions. However, let's spin this saying another direction. Sometimes to help a friend all they need to do is listen. Sometimes your true friends are not trying to be your parent, not trying to know it all, but they're just trying to protect you because they know the ultimate outcome. Sometimes your friends who love you dearly can sniff out crazy and unfit people before you may see them. Sometimes we don't want to see the, "he will learn or she will learn the hard way" happen to a good friend. A good friend wants to see you avoid the pain all together. Just my thought for today. </b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-85170450538053267432019-10-08T13:58:00.000-05:002019-10-08T13:58:21.836-05:00Why Am I Sick? <b>I haven't blogged in awhile again but thought I would today because it always helped me with Jude and maybe it will help now. I am sick again, diagnosed with "community acquired pneumonia", yea I have no clue either. Last week my right ear started hurting but other than feeling run down I didn't have any other symptoms. Saturday evening my husband started complaining he was not feeling well and by Sunday morning he was at Minute Clinic diagnosed with Bronchitis and a host of medications. On Monday morning I woke up feeling TERRIBLE. So I also went to our friendly neighborhood Minute Clinic too, I love the doctor up there. She spent a lot of time with me and I figured I would get the same diagnosis as Mike and get sent on my way. I was wrong. </b><br />
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<b>The doctor said I had zero movement in my right middle lung and with the fever that led to the pneumonia diagnoses. Read until the end of this blog because I am not just complaining my writing has a purpose. So the doctor asked if she could be blunt and I told her I prefer blunt. She said, "Between the lengthy trauma you guys faced, the grief, and the invasive virus that attacked your facial nerves, your immune system is shot!" (no kidding) She went on, "It will never be the same but I am worried if we don't get it stimulated somehow you won't make it to 70." Wait what? Okay whoa doctor that was too blunt. She explained that I would run out of medication options. So she had me pick up some Vitamin D3, prescribed me a healthy dose of antibiotic, and suggested an immunologist. She did go through a host of questions which I found interesting. Of course she swirled around if I smoke or vape multiple times (I don't) but what was most fascinating is she asked if I live in a new home. I told her I didn't and she confirmed that was a good thing because many new homes carry mold and toxic issues. Interesting since I have a friend that is SO sick from mold in a new house. </b><br />
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<b>I told her I have tried CBD oil (made it 100 times worse), juice diet, Keto, celery juice in the morning, supplements, etc etc. She laughed at most of it and other times she nodded her head in agreement. I told her I like to walk and that helps unless I am sick and she agreed that is helpful. I explained that I have learned to treat my eye issue with rest and non-conventional medications, she seemed to like that. She was kind and just said basically that this is trauma and the body's reaction to trauma both through Jude, my life, and now the virus that attacked. So the reactions I get when people hear I am sick is "again?", why?", "what's causing it?". I don't mind but if it annoys you just think how annoyed I am. I am not a stay at home type of person and I feel trapped at home. </b><br />
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<b>I almost feel like this is comparable to Mike's heart situation, everyone has an opinion and we appreciate it but not all health issues fit in a bubble. Mike had nothing structurally wrong with his heart and zero blockage he just got a nasty virus called myocarditis combined with pericarditis that attacked his heart muscle. Why? Trauma and grief. We work through our grief each day but I would love for everyone to take one step back today. Imagine not sleeping correctly for 7 years and being constantly stressed for 7 years then after that 7 years you spend the rest of the time grieving. We were in and out of hospitals racking up viruses and bacteria's in our bodies like MRSA Staphylococcus. That's a booger to deal with. </b><br />
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<b>I have learned to tell people no when asked to go out. I have learned to rest when I need to and that the world will keep turning. I am still learning to balance work and health but it will happen. Regardless it's just the side-effects of a traumatic situation that no one could have avoided and one we wouldn't ever take back. </b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-30195947969749332292019-07-25T14:23:00.000-05:002019-07-25T16:46:20.911-05:00Birthdays, Weddings, and Showers and attendance. <b><br /></b>
<b>Wow, I really don't write as much as I used to. Looking back over my blog I had about a 1000 visitors a day looking for updates to Jude's situation. I am honored so many people followed his story and his life. I guess without him here there is a bit of emptiness I feel in writing but it can still be therapeutic. </b><br />
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<b>So today's topic is one that may be a bit controversial or not, we will see. Let's talk about celebratory functions in life such as birthday parties, weddings, and showers. Today on one of the special needs groups I am still a part of (I stay to help others) a mom was upset because her sister-in-law was currently not on speaking terms with her. They weren't on speaking terms because the girl in my group failed to attend her nephew's birthday party. She turned down the party because with outside temperatures soaring a stroke survivor can have a hard time regulating body temps. She put her son's situation before the birthday party. So let's break this down in a realistic manner on all sides. The sister-in-law was probably just disappointed and failed to express her feelings in a positive manner. She also probably didn't fully understand the reason the family didn't show to the party, but it really doesn't matter........to be blunt. It's okay to be disappointed when a family member doesn't show to a party, wedding, or shower. I have been there, you have been there, we have ALL been there. However, under no circumstances does anyone owe you an appearance. This is something you really learn when you have a special needs child and it was a lesson I needed to learn. </b><br />
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<b>I always made sure my kiddo's had nice birthday parties and of course I would be disappointed if I didn't see family, more so with Jude because we knew it could be his last. However, people have lives and they have situations that come up. I can tell you flat out I don't like driving anymore especially long distances, it causes high anxiety for me. By the time I reach your event I will resemble some sort of wonky eyed Gremlin. This is an after effect of Jude's death. I had an accident years ago with Emily that was horrific and it caused driving anxiety, this went away until Jude passed. Luckily most of my friends and family fully understand this situation and my husband is extremely patient with it. </b><br />
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<b>Families that have special needs children have a lot of daily issues that prevent them from going many places. A lot of times the family just doesn't want to go, they're tired for Christ's sakes. I lost a friend when I was with Jude partially because I didn't attend a wedding. Granted this family was very close to me but it was a long drive, I would miss time with Jude or family, and I just decided not to go. Mike was fantastic about not letting people who were upset bother him. He would use my grandmother's line, "they can get glad in their mad pants." As I went through Jude's situation I had to admit sometimes people just don't WANT to come to your hosted party, shower, or wedding and that's okay. I became comfortable with the fact people needed to put themselves and their immediate family first a lot of time. </b><br />
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<b>For us, Jude didn't travel well and had a vast amount of equipment. Sometimes we had nursing who could watch Jude at night but the vast majority of his life he didn't have that. Having someone watch Jude other than his nurses was a lot to ask of someone. So sometimes prior to getting upset maybe we just need to step back and realize that people have lives and other things going on. It's certainly not worth not speaking to someone. </b><br />
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<b>Disappointment is also a part of life and it's okay for kids to learn that not everything always goes as planned. Sometimes people don't show, sometimes things happen to prevent you from attending, and sometimes a child their age is just too sick to travel, or even have a birthday party like your child can have! Sometimes I wonder if children learn this lesson at a young age they won't terminate conversations with family members because of party disappointment as adults. </b><br />
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<br />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-14089563854350030332019-04-10T19:37:00.001-05:002019-04-10T19:37:27.790-05:00My First “Vlog”. Jude’s day <br />
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<br />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-12354567652814782962019-03-22T12:03:00.001-05:002019-03-22T13:28:01.306-05:00Emily, The Great Fall, and Life. <b><br /></b>
<b>Great news on Emily, well most of it anyway. Her biopsy did show inflammation in her thyroid but no cancer! Also her MRI was clean. So Emily was officially diagnosed with Hashimoto's and they seemed to have have found a good medication for her so she is finally feeling better. She spent her Spring Break seeing multiple doctors but since she is feeling better it was all worth it. </b><br />
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<b>So because my life always seems to be chaotic last Saturday the 9th wasn't any different. I had spent the day cleaning outside and was very tired so I went in the house to take a shower. Mike had been shampooing the carpets in our bedroom and I didn't think about the fact it would leave residue on my feet. I have a very deep tub/shower combo and when I went to step into the tub I fell. My foot slipped and I remember thinking I would catch myself and I didn't. My body twisted sending my left leg up under the glass and I landed on my right ear/head. I felt shooting pain and just began screaming for Mike. He came to my aid and I don't think either one of us really understood how bad the fall was or how much worse it could have been. Over the next few hours and days my leg began turning lovely shades, my ear was bleeding, and my head was pounding. I assumed I would be fine but my friends and family got to listen to me whine a lot (A WHOLE LOT). So about a week later my boss made me go to get a concussion workup and when the urgent care saw my leg they sent me to the ER side. Sure enough yours truly waited an entire week and had a closed head injury, don't do that! Take it from me and get checked out. The point of this drawn out story about my clumsiness is that when I fell and Mike pulled me out of the tub I just sat on the bed and cried. I just broke. Maybe it was finally needed. I just cried and cried and cried. I said, WHY do things keep happening to us? Then I got up and saw a tree had fallen over on my chicken coop fence and I shook my head and walked off. </b><br />
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<b>Here is the thing, I could have died from the fall or had a compound fracture but I didn't. Emily's biopsy could have been must worse and Mike's chest pain could have been a heart attack. The coop fence can be fixed and all the other complete bull%%$@ we deal with never ever compares to losing Jude. So it's all fixable. However, for the first time I just said NO MORE. It was like a declaration to the universe that nothing else needed to happen to us. I know I cannot control this but I just felt I needed to let God and the Universe know that I couldn't take anymore. So from that moment forward I just started believing nothing else was going to happen and that I needed to distance myself from any type of negative news for awhile. So I am respectfully asking people to let me heal for awhile from everything that's happened and let me have a bit of a break. Spare me from sad news or tragedies unless it's vital. </b><br />
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<b>I have been spending more time outside walking our dogs, spending time with my good friends at wine nights, and watching lots of movies. So I am taking what steps I need to so I can decompress and recover from a rough ten years. Last night I sat and went through Jude's book from his funeral, it's something I needed to do. I don't remember a lot from his funeral and it was comforting seeing all the names of old friends and new friends that made their way to tell him goodbye. </b><br />
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<b>So it's been a joke that 2019 has started off absolutely terrible but I am declaring this the year of a return to health and a positive state of mind. </b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: none 0% 0% repeat scroll transparent; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-15225536110427617902019-02-26T14:53:00.004-06:002019-02-26T15:01:20.774-06:00Update On Emily And A Hard Weekend<b>I have been mulling around the words for this blog today but I am having a hard time properly articulating the exact emotions I am feeling. I worry about sounding down, defeated, or brimming in self pity. Honestly though I don't really care how I sound anymore because I am at my wits end. I haven't been very talkative today because I am processing all the thoughts I have and evaluating what's important in life. So I cannot handle bad news today or honestly much chit chat so forgive me if I am not answering you, I will. I talked with Em prior to posting this so she is on board with people knowing what's going on. I just ask people to refrain from texting or calling her because she is overwhelmed. We have been hit by what seems like an endless cycle of tragic or stressful circumstances and each time one strikes we find a way to keep marching on. A sign that hangs in our house is, It's not about waiting for the storm to pass it's learning how to dance in the rain. However, sometimes the flooding from the hurricane is just too much. Sometimes it just takes a huge toll. </b><br />
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<b>On Saturday Emily called me and said she was being taken to the ER by her friends. Keep in mind Emily is in Tusacaloosa at school. I basically said, "What why?" I knew she has been having issues with the problem I referenced in my prior blog and has been very ill for weeks. She said her blood pressure was reading high around 145/85 and she had a high heart rate. She also mentioned her heart felt like it was fluttering. Having dealt with Jude's medical issues this is how my brain works in order....</b><br />
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<b>High blood pressure - Probably anxiety</b><br />
<b>High heart rate - Probably medication related</b><br />
<b>Fluttering heart - concerning but I have heart palpitations so it could be hereditary, could be medication, could be multiple items. </b><br />
<b>Hold it together mom and be calm on the phone. </b><br />
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<b>So I tell Emily to contact me once she reaches the hospital. A few minutes later she calls back and says when she stands up her heart rate soars over 150. Call 911 Em, and she did. They got her to the ER and thankfully most everything checked out normal. Her thyroid was off which was the issue from the start, she was having a panic attack from feeling so terrible, and side effects from the thyroid medication. So they released her knowing she had a Endocrinologist appointment yesterday at 11 am. However, prior to releasing her I was researching flights trying to get to Alabama because I had enough of being so far away from Emily while she felt so terrible. Mike talked me off the ledge and when the standby flights turned red I explained to Emily I just wasn't going to make it on a flight. </b><br />
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<b>Fast forward to her specialist appointment. I had an event in Dallas yesterday so when Emily called I excused myself and walked in the other room. She was crying.........like trying to find her voice crying and I was once again scanning scenario's in my head and wondering WHAT was happening. So she calmed down and said she was diagnosed with Hashimoto's and then she informed me they found a nodule on her thyroid. They said there was a slight chance it could be Thyroid cancer but it's rare. For a minute the world seemed to spin and I muttered something to Emily who promptly reminded me she was calling ME to calm HER down. Of course of course I said and then asked what the next course of action was. They will do a biopsy of Emily's thyroid next Wednesday and they put her on new medication for her Hashimoto's. To do the biopsy they will insert a needle into her neck into her thyroid. Right after my call to Emily I called Mike who was now standing on the ledge with me in full force and also talking about flights. </b><br />
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<b>Emily then took paperwork from the school to the primary campus health department to have them fill it out for a type of college "disability." Which basically just means she's been dealing with an issue that has made her miss classes (keep in mind she made the Dean's list with this mess) and they will work with her professors regarding absences as long as she completes her work. The lady at the healthcare center must have been having a bad day because she was extremely rude to Emily. It's hard letting go of your children sometimes because the Mama bear in me wanted to call the department and professionally explain that their job was to make her situation less stressful not more stressful. College's wonder why we have issues with mental health. Anyway, I encouraged Emily to email the doctor directly and explain the entire situation and ask for help. She assured me she would do this. </b><br />
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<b>Here is the reality. 90% of these nodules are benign and I have no doubt Emily's will be too. I have no doubt that this is simply being caused by the Hashimoto's. With that being said statistics can sometimes grate on our nerves with our family as a whole. Every time someone gives us a statistic we tend to be in the 10%. We are literally the, "You have got to be kidding me." elephants that are in the room with everyone. That is the best description I could come up with. There really isn't much to say......we know we will get through this, we know not to let it get us down, we know it could be worse and we know all the other words of encouragement anyone can offer. The reality is we have faced many situations and they didn't turn out well so we are staying very positive but are still a bit scared so we have asked for lots of prayers. People might just have to bear with us while we are a bit angry for a bit, I am sure it will pass soon. Emily is young and shouldn't be dealing with this and our family should really just get a pass on a child being sick. Once we get over being upset we will march forward yet again. I am quite sure Jude is helping us every step of the way and holding his sister's hand for sure. She is the one dealing with this head on and as usual she's amazingly strong. Emily has a resilience like no one I have ever seen and a great heart. </b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: none 0% 0% repeat scroll transparent; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-51182966829557628322019-02-14T12:43:00.002-06:002019-02-14T15:07:27.374-06:00Waiting on the shoe to drop? Make it stop raining shoes! <b>Sometimes it gets to a point to where I feel like Eeyore always saying something has gone wrong. So here is the gist of the situation at hand. Mike is better but still having some issues regarding his heart so we still work to keep stress down, which isn't happening. Emily called us the other day and told us she just hasn't felt well for awhile now so she decided to go have a blood test. We haven't really said anything except to close friends and family but Emily mentioned she hasn't felt well on social media so I thought I would explain. Anyway basically per the blood test Emily is in fact dealing with an illness and one that's most likely an autoimmune. I am super impressed this dedicated girl made the Dean's list while she was SO sick. She is really suffering so if you could keep her in your prayers that would be great. She started her medication today and we are praying it helps her and gives her some relief. At first I was mad that I have another child that's ill but then I become grateful it was diagnosed and that it wasn't anything worse. Again, trying to see the silver lining. </b><br />
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<b>Then we encountered some more stress this week that isn't worth going into but then even more hit when this morning about 10am Mike called my work. He simply told me that he had been hit by an 18 wheeler. I asked, "Are you okay????" He replied, "Yes. Police are here I have to go." So I felt relieved he wasn't hurt but was wanting more information and very concerned and laughing because what the heck else are you going to do at this point but stress laugh. So finally Mike called me back and a semi backed into Mike pushing him into the car behind him. So we are grateful he wasn't hurt, grateful he was in a large truck, and thankful he wasn't in my Beetle because as Mike said, "He would have been up in your engine." His bumper is gone, his hood won't open, and his front is messed up but it's nothing that cannot be repaired. So again finding the silver lining. </b><br />
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<b>When does it become enough? About 10 years ago!! lol. I am a bit tired of looking for silver linings in life but Mike ever the best player of this mad game said, I would let everyday be like this if I could just have Jude back. Isn't that the truth so as hectic as life gets it's never as hectic as not having him with us. When I called Mike to tell him about Emily he said, "You know let's add more to the plate because I don't think there is enough. You know there are a lot of people out there that have had difficult lives and we really need to take some of their burden." haaaaaaa! The truth is that we are blessed and there are people that have VERY difficult lives and like I always say, everyone has a story it's what you do with yours that counts. </b><br />
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<b>God Bless and Happy Valentines Day. </b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-25460309293316109902019-02-08T17:23:00.000-06:002019-02-08T20:29:06.220-06:00Another Hard Blog With Good Tears<b>Mike and I have been dealing with a high stress situation yet again. One that landed him in the ER yesterday, he will be okay. However being back in the hospital always induces anxiety in both of us. Overall we handled the situation well but on the way home I just started crying at the thought of possibly losing him and the thoughts of when we lost Jude. I thought I would write out what happened when Jude passed for therapy reasons and because others just may relate. It's also my chance to finally thank so many that helped us. I have talked about a bit of this before but not the exact company's. </b><br />
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<b>It's strange when someone dies and being around death many times I can attest it's even more uncomfortable when it's a child's death. It's a mixture of feeling you don't know what to do but knowing you know exactly what to do all at the same time. I cannot truly explain what it's like to watch your child die but I can tell you that it leaves you in utter shock, then somehow you find a way to move even though you feel frozen in place. I called my dad and step-mom, I called Jude's nurse, and I called Mike's mother. All three families contacted asked if they could come over. It was odd to me at first because you think people just want to attend the funeral but they wanted to come see him before he left. I also called my aunt in Missouri. Those core people were all in charge of informing the rest of the family but not saying a word to Emily until we reached her. If you remember, Emily was away in Dallas. </b><br />
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<b>I remember picking up the phone and calling the funeral home and making arrangements for them to come pick Jude up. I then looked at Mike and asked him to go get some new Superman Pajama's from the store. It gave him a project because he was stunned in silence. I then contacted Trey Ganem who made his custom Superman casket and he had that item turned around and delivered within 48 hours. Mike made it to the store and said he was just standing in the children's clothing section and a clerk came over to ask him if he could help him locate something. Mike said, My son just died and my wife asked me to get him Superman pajama's." The clerk had him covered and helped Mike every step of the way. </b><br />
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<b>Once home with Jude's clothing his nurse Charlotte helped me bathe Jude, dress him, and fix his hair. That was disturbing to see Jude like that but comforting that Charlotte helped me make Jude look handsome. As family flowed in so did the funeral home who had a director by the name of Matthew who since had become a friend. He was kind, talked slow and calm, and helped every step of the way. He cried with us saying he had young children and he put his heart into everything he did. Lucas Funeral homes were truly amazing to us. They even joined in with Jude's theme. </b><br />
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<b>Matt gently explained at the house that they would be taking Jude out covered and loading him in the hearse to go to the funeral home. They told us to take our time but everyone was ready. Silently they covered his little body with a golden type of blanket and they asked Mike if he would like to push him. Mike agreed and it was one of the best things the funeral home could have done. We all silently followed behind Jude, then Matt advised us we would meet the next day, and then Jude was gone. It was so strange and so final. </b><br />
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<b>After that we had meetings with churches, friends, pastors, and more regarding music, speech's, flowers, and other items that were for the living. Jude however didn't have to worry about any of that. I think he just sat back and watched how much everyone loved him and how much he touched everyone's lives. </b><br />
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<b>So the waves of grief are smaller in height now and grower fewer between crashes but when one does hit me these are the flickering pictures that run through my head of the very worst day of my life but the best day of Jude's. He got to see heaven that day and that was pretty amazing I am sure. I have learned through this difficult course that it's okay to have a grief day every once in awhile and to have a really good cry. I think it soothes the soul. </b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: none 0% 0% repeat scroll transparent; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-45721612917801957722019-01-18T11:27:00.001-06:002019-01-18T11:27:48.906-06:00A Display Sign Of Sickness<b>Anyone on my social media knows I have been battling an illness since July and I have now been plagued with pneumonia. I wouldn't say I used to get annoyed with people that were sick or their posts but I would wonder why they just couldn't be positive. I used to be sure that those particular people who were constantly experiencing an illness or tragedy had to have their own negative underlying force propelling their situation. It seems karma took a big flat flyswatter and smacked me in the head with it teaching me humility and empathy. I cannot explain how irritated I am with resting in my bed because I am such a person on the go. Yet again this weekend I will be spending the majority of my time resting and trying to get better. Ironically all this came on after I started working out again. I had a friend joke that I should just get rid of the sage in my office and all things healthy and try the complete unhealthy route. We had a giggle over his comments. </b><br />
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<b>The consideration came up that maybe I was letting the grief over Jude control my life and my health. I don't think this is the case. I have no doubt that it has had a profound effect especially because Mike and I didn't sleep for more than 7 years. In fact, the doctor recently told Mike (who is ill too) that Jude's situation ravaged our bodies, but we wouldn't have changed anything. I believe that although grief effects us we also grow from it and learn to live again. We had a choice to give up or keep marching and out of a promise to Jude we kept marching. My aunt sent me this article yesterday and I think it perfectly describes our personal feelings regarding grief and it's lasting effects. </b><br />
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<b> https://themighty.com/2018/12/ball-box-analogy-grief/?fbclid=IwAR0uAPKI7L38tOnb-tPfXxmek_RJ-DZ53r-fCplspw_1JKEcf0WCViRj4_s</b><br />
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<b>I am ready to get better though I can tell you that! I am looking forward to being healthy and take a weekend trip away with my husband somewhere! All those out there dealing with daily illness situations, you have my complete and total respect. </b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-7385039382359444682018-12-21T11:50:00.001-06:002018-12-21T11:52:43.953-06:00How Do We Fix The World Today? <b>Being around the pageant industry I am always hearing possible on stage questions for the contestants. One of the recent questions I heard was, "With all the tension in America today what would you do to improve relations between different groups and individuals?"</b><br />
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<b>I sat back and thought about what my answer would be and honestly I couldn't formulate an exact way to fix relations. However, my mind drifted to Jude and I began to think about all he taught me. </b><b>I don't know how to fix relations but I know I had a little boy born who suffered a massive bilateral stroke. He couldn't talk but he really didn't need to because Jude had a way of communicating without even speaking a word. Jude loved everyone he met regardless of their race, religion, sexual preference, or political stance. So I may not know how to fix our world but maybe it starts with striving to be more like Jude. A little boy who changed those he met with pure love and smiles. </b><br />
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<b>Seems like a great goal to just try and put good energy into the world. I can only imagine the impact if we all met that goal this year. </b><br />
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<b>Merry Christmas. </b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: none 0% 0% repeat scroll transparent; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-43934081415057076822018-12-14T09:58:00.000-06:002018-12-14T10:53:57.133-06:00The Funeral and Friends<b>The other day I subjected myself to watching, "Steel Magnolia's" for the first time in a long time. I am not sure why I do that to myself but I do love that movie. I am sure that you remember that I used a line from that movie in Jude's eulogy. <span style="font-size: x-small;">"<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: , sans-serif;">Oh god. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when he drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life." </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: , sans-serif; font-size: 18px;"> </span> I was telling a friend the other night through my streaming tears that it's still the most realistic depiction of child loss to me. Which is interesting since it was written about a true story but from a brother's perspective, however, he captured my feelings perfectly. I have written about this movie before and the same feelings still apply. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <b>When Shelby passes and her mom walks into the waiting room on a mission to retrieve Shelby's clothes and pick a funeral home is so realistic to me. You begin to think about a situation you never dreamed you would be dealing with. It's your child's last ceremony.........no more birthday parties, no weddings, and no graduations. It's planning their final send off to the best of your ability. You think about their clothing and sit in shock in a funeral home as everyone chatters around you. You are just on a mission to make it beautiful and meaningful. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <b>I related a lot to the friendships in this movie. My friend Kelly is most definitely the very embodiment of Claree and many my other core friends fill the other roles. I don't remember many parts of the day we buried Jude but I do remember my friends watching me like hawks. They did this purely out of concern for my well being. I tried to be very strong that day but at one point they came knocking at the church bathroom door wondering if I was okay. I wasn't. I was panicking because I knew that I was about to say goodbye to Jude for the very last time. They could tell when I came out that I wasn't okay so my friend grabbed her firefighter husband who helped calm me down. I then rerouted the entire entrance for the family to the funeral through a side door versus in the middle of the church. It just let me breathe a little easier. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <b>My meltdown wasn't beside the casket like in the movie it was before and then after I put on a quiet smile as we attended a luncheon that was provided for us. My friends and family came together when Jude passed in a way that is almost indescribable. In fact my grandmother said, "I have never seen better friends and people move so quickly to make things happen." All I had to tell my friends was I would like balloons, large photo displays, and a few other things and they moved like clockwork. They didn't need to ask my opinions they just made it all happen. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <b>At the luncheon, my friends asked for a photo and it felt almost wrong to me to try to smile on that day but I am glad we have a memory of all they did. I am thankful for them. </b><br />
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<b><br /></b> <b><br /></b> <span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "raleway"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>"I feel fine. I feel great. I could jog to Texas and back, but my daughter can’t. She never could. I am so mad I don’t know what to do. I want to know why. I want to know why Shelby’s life is over. How is that baby ever going to understand how wonderful his mother was? Will he ever understand what she went through for him? I don’t understand. Lord I wish I could. It is not supposed to happen this way. I’m supposed to go first. I’ve always been ready to go first. I can’t stand this. I just want to hit somebody until they feel as bad as I do. I . . . just want to hit something . . . and hit it hard. " Ma'Lynn's monologue. </b></span><br />
<b><br /></b> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "raleway"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>So very true every part of it and my friends would have definitely had me take a whack as Ousie</b>r. <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif "important"; white-space: pre;"> </span></span><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-40304559591224955122018-12-12T12:17:00.000-06:002019-01-22T14:06:17.778-06:00Advice and Goals. <b>So you get three blogs from me this week which means I must be feeling more like myself again. My eye is swollen today and my face hurts but that's okay. The stretches between these flare-ups is getting longer and longer, which to me means I am healing. So this week I have been approached twice by people I know for recommendations for a child neurologist. It makes me sad that anyone I know would have the need for a neurologist but having a good neurologist that cares for your child is vital. So I thought I would share a few things I learned with Jude just in case that could help any of my readers. </b><br />
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<span data-offset-key="e8at3-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>1. Jude saw lots of doctors and his best doctors knew his case without even opening his file. Over time they began to truly care for Jude and always had his best interest at heart. His neurologist even quietly showed at his funeral slipping in the back and then slipping out just as quickly to get to his next patient. The neurologist we picked listened...truly listened. </b></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="cggir-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>2. A good doctor may be a far drive but a good doctor is worth it. </b></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="7eatg-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>3. A fever isn't always a scary thing, even a high fever. Sometimes a fever is just doing its job and fighting the infection. </b></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fo1u6-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>4. The internet can be a plethora of useful information but it can also be an unnecessary added stress so always consult with a physician before scaring yourself. </b></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="3dpbk-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>5. You are your child's best medical advocate. It's okay to say no to a physician, it's okay to ask for a second opinion, and it's okay to request additional treatment. </b></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="f4bec-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>6. Always fight a denial on insurance or Medicaid. They're counting on 3 out of 5 people to not challenge them. I was flat out told this when I won my 8th appeal for nursing for my son. </b></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="g2i7-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>7. Keep video's and journals if you suspect your child is having seizures or spasms. They are can be vital for a proper diagnosis. </b></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="2m8pn-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>8. A medical momma has a whole new outlook on things like medications and vaccinations, don't judge her or yourself. </b></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="ai80c-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>9. It's okay to say no to friends and family. Your child's health is far more important than a get-together or holiday. </b></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="7v4dg-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>10. Only go to a pediatric ER if you suspect something is wrong. Any time we went to a regular ER we were transported or they were just lost. They can be great for a broken arm but anything that's complicated needs a pediatric emergency physician. </b></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="5602h-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>11. If your child doesn't have trunk control to sit look into Danbar Hensinger head support, A Bumbo chair, The Tomato seat, and a KidCart or wheelchair with a headrest. These are all amazing tools. </b></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="1g8n9-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>12. A G button or feeding tube sounds scary but it can be a huge blessing in disguise. You can give medications without fighting or throw up. </b></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="3lrck-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>13. Lots of momma's are here with you and always available for you to ask questions or reach out to.</b> </span></div>
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<b><br /></b> <b>That's just a few tidbits I thought I would pass along. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <b>So has anyone set their goals for 2019? I have sat down and thought about what I really want this year and these were my top 5. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <b>1. For the first time in years, I want more time for me. I also want quiet time to be with my husband that’s not riddled with sadness or tragedies. <br />2. I plan on getting in shape again and by April. Seems short but I can do it. I have before. <br />3. I would like an amazing trip somewhere filled with history like Italy. <br />4. I’d like to help Emily reach her goals<br />5. I will have the best year at work I’ve ever had</b><br />
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<b>What are your goals? Share with us. </b><b><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; border: 0pt none;" /></b></div>
Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-27513234375745800432018-12-10T10:00:00.001-06:002018-12-10T10:00:07.367-06:00Do we really listen? <b>Sometimes I believe truly listening to another person is an art. I have poured my heart out over the last few weeks about an issue coming up in our lives and I feel like no one is listening. So I sat down this morning and started contemplating what it truly means to listen to someone else, I know I have failed to properly listen to people and I know women speak with emotion which can make it more difficult for men and others to sometimes comprehend the message. </b><br />
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<b>However, if we truly listen I believe it can help relationships grow, it can help you learn, it can help you heal emotionally and help others heal, and it can stop arguments. It can also solely help people obtain happiness and that's a huge accomplishment. I know more than once I have asked a friend that was upset, "did you talk to them about it?" and the answer is generally no. I think when we don't listen or properly communicate we are basically saying that person's feelings don't really matter. That there well being doesn't really matter and that's not okay. </b><br />
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<b>I read a quote by Stephen Covey that said, "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. Most people listen with the intent to reply." Profound and true. So which applies to you? The ability to listen and understand or listen to reply? Does others happiness mean much to you or is your main concern just satisfying people and moving on. </b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgszcGTQkzSTRTbBsJPnbCz8JfZt16FWoAVpcO8WM6TsrQmLBck8yHTwPcBnbEFCLGPGx22VwWCC5v4yz6KfDLsEOlx05pSOIBBhqMnhaIyOHzzqJWpOm5lhvFz40Whid0ES9wHQ7PGfX0/s1600/listening-skills1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="500" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgszcGTQkzSTRTbBsJPnbCz8JfZt16FWoAVpcO8WM6TsrQmLBck8yHTwPcBnbEFCLGPGx22VwWCC5v4yz6KfDLsEOlx05pSOIBBhqMnhaIyOHzzqJWpOm5lhvFz40Whid0ES9wHQ7PGfX0/s320/listening-skills1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: none 0% 0% repeat scroll transparent; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-23439296409033832712018-12-07T10:09:00.001-06:002018-12-07T10:09:22.022-06:00What inspires us? <b>I know it's been a while since I have written. As my aunt says life has just been pretty lifey lately and I have been overly busy. The good news is my eye situation seems to finally be resolving. I did see a new neurologist that I absolutely adored! She did multiple tests which concluded that whatever affected my face attacked my 5th, 7th, and 8th cranial facial nerves. That would account for the paralysis, swelling, and the ringing in my ears. She was honest and said we may never know what virus caused this issue or if this is an underlying autoimmune disorder that's not registering on the ANA. She did order another MRI and a host of other tests but I have taken a step back and I am wondering if it's all worth it if we will never know. So I am waiting to see if the situation is truly improving before subjecting myself to more tests. Right now my eye has not swollen in about two weeks, it just twitches and the pain is much better. </b><br />
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<b>So obviously this time of year isn't the easiest for us but we are here and grateful for Emily and all those around us. We miss Jude terribly and I honestly also miss having a young child to share the wonder of Christmas with. I still frequently think about adoption but we will be taking in Mike's mom and his brother so I am not sure it's an option. I still have time so it's still something I think about. </b><br />
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<b>Emily shared a video yesterday and it inspired me and also made me think of Jude. No matter how much pain Jude was in he always tried to muster a smile for us and was always so inspirational. I encourage everyone to watch this young mans story. I love the guy that does Special Books by Special Kids and how he spreads the children's inspirational messages. When we as adults get down due to our job, bills, relationships, or daily woes it's generally a child that puts life truly in perspective for us. They remind us to work on gratitude, loving ourselves and others, and giving all we can to the gift we have been given in our health and life. Sometimes we get so down over things that are truly minute in comparison to what these children endure. I also see that many of these kids believe in themselves more than we adults ever believe in ourselves. It's a reminder to stop and enjoy the little things, to not accept anything less than you deserve, and to always give back. So what inspires you? </b><br />
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<b><iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/jr1rl4NKCeo/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/jr1rl4NKCeo?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></b></div>
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<b>I hope everyone has an amazing Christmas. </b><br />
<b>Happy Holidays everyone from our family to yours. Love Jenn, Mike, Emily and Angel Jude. </b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: none 0% 0% repeat scroll transparent; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-79920893169762071312018-09-28T12:21:00.001-05:002018-09-28T12:24:49.744-05:00Updates and Benches<b>So a quick update. My MRI was clean, bloodwork says I am healthy as a horse, and the only thing that was off the charts was my Ebstein Barr antibodies. Which the doctor said was an indication that I had mono some time in my life. The strange thing about being involved in a tragedy like losing your mother very young is you become a bit of a family focus. I can promise I never had mono or my family would have known. Not even anything that resembled mono. So the doctor still maintains they believe I got something viral that attacked my facial nerves, muscles, and possibly my brain. So if I see anyone after this it will be the neurologist. Which I do still have ringing in my ears and I battle headaches but overall I am much better than I was! I personally think this WAS mono which explains the antibodies and is why I couldn't get out of bed. It's the reason I felt so incredibly exhausted for so long and we finally tested for autoimmune at a point the illness was going away. Again it's all just a guessing game. So my lasting effects may be the ringing in the ears and the eye swelling when I am tired or stressed. I can live with that. I feel like I can live with ANYTHING after feeling so crummy for so long. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <b>So yesterday we had a buddy bench installed at Jude's elementary school which will promote inclusion, friendships, and smiles. It will also be a lasting memorial to Jude. The school provided a dedication ceremony and it was very touching and emotional. We were grateful for their kind words about Jude and their memories of him. I miss him every day. It was so great to see Jude's nurses who attended. Sometimes it's hard to convey to people just how much. I miss going home and holding him as we watched TV and how he loved to snuggle. As I drove away from the school yesterday I thought I could see Jude sitting on the bench and he was smiling. I am sure he was. </b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-79156062770032090312018-09-20T12:08:00.001-05:002018-09-20T21:00:04.585-05:00To curse or not to curse<b>(From 9/19)</b><br />
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<b>I once read an entry to a blog that said if you can’t take a little cussing about a difficult situation then you shouldn’t read my entries. I’m on that same wavelength these days so I tend to share the same sentiment.</b><br />
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<b>My husband isn’t feeling well and I know it’s from stress but if anyone is strong it’s Mike Ortiz and I know he will be okay. However keeping his stress down is something I would like to see people put more effort into controlling. He has been through a lot in the last decade and I would like to keep</b><br />
<b>him as healthy as I can. Sometimes I feel like people work against him as much as they can to make things as hard as possible. </b><br />
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<b>So this morning I woke up about 3am with an incredible headache and I could feel my right eye in its heavy position. So I confirmed the issue in the mirror and tried to go back to sleep but the sandman skipped my house. I knew that I had pushed myself to complete my quotes at work and the screen time had probably taken its toll along with multiple other tasks I’ve been trying to compete. My work was ever understanding that I needed an hour to rest before charging into work. I feel like when I’m out or late the brunt of my work falls on my friend and coworker Paula but she never complains. I finally scheduled my MRI, let’s hope I have the courage to complete it. I feel like such a wimp that I cannot complete something as simple as an Mri. However part of me feels it’s just a </b><b>damn waste and it’s not going to show a thing. I want the MRI to be clear but on the other hand, I would love to find something that can be easily cured to stop this ringing in my ears, fatigue, and multiple other issues.</b><br />
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<b>With that all being said I realized a few things tonight. That even though I have a serious situation going on I am still NOT a victim! Lately, I’ve struggled with this feeling because I’m</b><br />
<b>always on the go and suddenly I cannot go go go. When I felt like I couldn’t get out of bed I felt trapped and like a miserable piece of crap but that’s not the case. I realized God gives us the capabilities to handle every situation, it's just up to us to use what's been given to us. In our case life has dealt us a lot of tragedy that makes us a victim but we don't have to feel or act like a victim, does that make sense? </b><br />
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<b>There are a lot of times in life we can all act like a victim. </b><br />
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<b>1. When we have something catastrophic happen</b><br />
<b>2. When others have tragedies and we live through their situations. </b><br />
<b>3. When it's easier to blame others for the hand you've been dealt or the hand you created. </b><br />
<b>4. When we cannot forgive and let go</b><br />
<b>5. When we don't take responsibility for how our actions affect our lives. </b><br />
<b>6. When we constantly feel sorry for ourselves and feel like everyone is judging us. </b><br />
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<b>So it's a matter of putting our big girl or boy underwear on and pulling ourselves together. </b><b> I figured the only thing I can do during my situation is to continue to smile and do my best. If I am late for work, I still made it to work. If I need to cancel plans with others to rest, then that's what I will do. I will work on complaining less about my pain but understand that expressing frustration is also healthy. I will continue to march on! </b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-color: transparent; background-image: none; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat repeat; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-85121282197050414862018-09-14T12:49:00.001-05:002018-09-14T14:16:10.472-05:00Life Update 15 million<b>It is lunch time so I thought I would take some time to update my blog and all the updates surrounding our life. Unfortunately, Mike's father did pass away and yesterday we had his funeral. He had a beautiful Catholic mass followed by an awe-inspiring burial at the National Cemetery in Dallas. I had to smile several times at his services when the little children attending were acting up, running up an aisle, or making noise. I noticed their parents would get flustered but I could hear Mike's dad say (in his gruff voice), "You leave them alone they're alright!" He loved his grandkids and great-grandchildren. Mike seems to be okay but he does bounce around between emotions and I think he knows the next month is going to be very stressful. I won't go into the details because some things are better kept private but it's going to be a thorny path. I was incredibly grateful to my friends and family that shows up, sent items, and were so supportive of my husband and his family. It was very touching! </b><br />
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<b><br /></b> <b><br /></b> <b>I know people are wanting updates on my health and I don't know much more yet. The doctor did a battery of autoimmune tests the other day and so far the Lyme, Ana Wreflex, Rheumatoid, and C reactive are all negative. I am pending several other results. That's good and bad. It's great there is nothing showing up but it's frustrating we still don't have an answer. The doctor did have a reaction to an event the other day at his office. I explained I was overall feeling better or that I have learned how to manage the situation. I do feel better than I did so that's a positive! Anyway, I explained the night my husband's father died my eye began swelling and drooping again. By the time I got home, I had a throbbing headache and eye pain. He looked at me and said hmmmmmmm that's a stress reaction which leads me to believe this isn't viral." I replied, "neurological" and he shook his head in agreement. He then insisted I get the MRI. Which I know I have to get and yes I have delayed it because I cannot find an open MRI and I am extremely claustrophobic. I know they will probably have to medicate me and just booo. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <b>My emotions and my brain seem to be wrestling with each other lately. My emotional self-tells my body that if it wants to be well it CAN be well. That if I want to be the storm like in the meme below I can be a hell of a hurricane. That I don't need a diagnosis and I can heal all this with some goat yoga and more. Then my brain steps in and takes over my body and like at the end of the funeral events yesterday it reminds me something truly is going on. My eye began to droop, my body began to ache, my head began to throb and my daughter said, " Mom your face!! We need to go!" It's a very weird feeling to feel out of control of your body. I feel for those that suffer for so long without answers, mines just been two months. </b><br />
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<b><br /></b> <b><br /></b> <b>The rest of life is going well but still chaotic. Mike's niece who I adore just had a baby. I have always felt like babies come to the world when we lose someone we love because the one we lost opens a place for them on Earth. I feel the person we lost leaves an imprint on the child, it may sound crazy but it's just my thoughts. Anyway, his niece wound up back in the hospital with a bad infection so I am saying some prayers for her! </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <b>I have a family member that is a youth pastor, I will save the name for anonymity, haha. Anyway, she said during prayer time at the church she filled out a card for my family that said " I am praying for all the shit to stop" and the pastor read it out loud. I guess the pastor knew that sometimes there are just no other words. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <b>Overall I am still very grateful for our blessings, I miss Jude with all my heart, and I am so happy I got to see Emily for a few days. There are always silver linings. </b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-35947189772625588602018-09-02T10:59:00.000-05:002018-09-02T10:59:09.375-05:00What happened Friday and Jude's birthday. <b>I have had a few days to process everything and I wanted to share what happened Friday. I also didn't want to say anything until we knew more and had all the details. It seems we have that now. </b><br />
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<b>Mike and I were set to leave on our vacation that would give me a much needed break from life and a chance to celebrate Jude. The day before we left they found Mike's father unresponsive and rushed him to the hospital. His dad has battled lung disease for awhile now and was in a rehab facility after a recent battle with pneumonia. Even though his dad had a DNR someone at the facility intubated him anyway, which in my opinion is just cruel. Mike's mom insisted we go on our vacation assuring us no one would make any decisions until we got back, so we left. About an hour into our drive we get a text that Mike's mom was now found unresponsive, no I am not kidding. The text explained that they needed someone that could make medical decision at the hospital ASAP and so.....we pulled over. Mike and I both shed some tears, not because our trip was cut short but because life is so hard sometimes. So Mike took me home and picked up his brother who is staying with us. I have been so sick that I didn't think it was the best idea to be in a hospital setting. I learned from Jude that more germs lace a hospital than anywhere else. So Mike gave me updates throughout the day as much as he could. </b><br />
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<b>Mike was able to get his mom and dad put on the same ICU floor and when that was completed and his mom was responding he felt comfortable to come home. I could tell Mike was a bit defeated but he kept his head up. Mike had a long conversation with the doctor and explained if his dad woke up he would be very angry he was intubated and sure enough that's what happened. I won't go into detail regarding all of it because there are a lot of hurting family members. We got a call this morning that they are moving his dad to the in house hospice at the hospital. So his entire family could use your thoughts. Thankfully the majority of family has made it in to see his dad and I know that will provide him comfort. I also know Jude with his ever loving arms is waiting for his grandpa to come play with him. </b><br />
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<b>Mike's mom has been released and she is staying with family. I would say I would pray for a miracle but I pray for peace in the best manner possible. I pray for peace without pain, peace without sorrow, and peace for his entire family. I admire Mike's family so much. I don't see them all often enough but they have my heart for sure. Mike isn't good with lots of texts and messages so I would ask everyone to refrain until we post more. Thanks</b><br />
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<b>Happiest of birthday's to my little boy. I bet my mom makes you a cake today and my grandparents take you to the park! </b>Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-56660422612526155172018-08-29T16:20:00.000-05:002018-08-29T16:20:07.536-05:00Triggers and Emotions<b>So I called the MRI facility today to set my appointment with them since I didn't hear back yesterday. They stated they had not received the referral from my primary doctor, even though I know the doctor sent it. I swear to goodness I hate dealing with medical situations. My amazing chiropractor told me today I am probably letting some of this trigger emotions regarding past medical experiences with Jude. I have no doubt she is 100% accurate.</b><br />
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<b>Triggers? What triggers? </b><br />
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<b>Anyway, the good news is I am still about the same in regards to the lingering issues. My ears are still ringing, my head still hurts, I still get very tired in the afternoon, and my eye hurts. That's still a vast improvement from the initial assessment. So honestly my thought process now is wondering if these are going to be the residual effects left from Lyme or whatever disease struck my brain. So that would mean I just have to learn to manage the symptoms. Of course some days I just want to blow up but it's getting manageable. I told my work I went from miserable to manageable and that's an improvement to me. I will still get the MRI as soon as the facility gets their crap together and then I will take it from there. However, it will be after my vacation! </b><br />
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<b>I also had a discussion today about Jude's loss and how it's affected my health. Watching your child take his last breath isn't something that you deal with it's something that you somehow someway learn how to live with. I have no doubt the grief has taken a very physical toll on Mike and I both, I am not sure how it couldn't. </b><br />
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<b>Anyway, T minus one day and it's vacation. I am eternally grateful to my work for allowing me to take my scheduled vacation even though I have been working shortened days or working from home. I am blessed to work for amazing people! </b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-65209187983160481172018-08-28T16:31:00.001-05:002018-08-28T16:31:11.409-05:00The MRI machine tried to eat me! <b>The MRI machine tried to EAT me, well not really but it felt like it. I am so claustrophobic that when I saw the tube they were going to put me in I began crying. You think this would be an indication for the tech to take her time and explain things in the best manner possible. However once I laid down on the bed she came from behind and slapped the cage over my face locking it into place, that was it. Nope, let me out! So, we had to find an open MRI and are in the process of switching the orders over to the new facility. </b><br />
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<b>How am I feeling? I get this question a lot. My response has begun to mimic my responses with my grief regarding Jude. I am okay today, I could be better, or don't ask. So why be so forthcoming about this situation and so public with it? A few reasons, it's going to become public anyway so why not update everyone at once versus setting myself on repeat. Why not continue my journey of being upfront and brutally honest regarding life in general and let others know it's okay to be irritated, lost, or frustrated. At this point, I have about half my energy back which is a good thing. My primary complaint now is a constant headache, ringing in my ears, and the pain in my right eye. I have found myself looking at the world a bit different as well. For instance, the little antibacterial wipes provided at the grocery store most definitely scrub my cart now! I always used them before but now I don't leave any spot unclean that I may touch. </b><br />
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<b>Yesterday on my way home I found a type of peace with this entire situation. Something just came over me and I realized that eventually, this will get better and if for some reason it doesn't I would be with Jude and maybe he needs me. I doubt it would become THAT dramatic but it did make me realize that every single person reading this blog..........will die and that includes the person writing this blog. So I plan on living my life the best I can and enjoy as much of it as I can. I also realized I am learning this illness and what it takes to get through. If I start getting tired I have to rest, if I don't get enough sleep at night I have to go in late to work, and if I get run down near the end of the day I have to go. It's the only way I am going to tackle this. </b><br />
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<b>Luckily even with my illness and intermittent absence, my work is still busy. Mike and I made the decision that we are still going on vacation. I will only be five hours from home and I will follow the same protocol there as I am here. There is a very beautiful chapel where we are going that I will visit for Jude's birthday. </b><br />
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<b>Emily is doing very well at college and is officially all settled in her apartment. She has started school and I cannot believe she will be applying for the nursing program soon. Keep her in your prayers because she really wants into the Alabama program. </b><br />
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<b>Don't forget the Emily's Smile Boxes Casino fundraiser, please. Tickets are selling fast and we cannot wait to see everyone! We are also looking for someone to sponsor the wine wagon that will be up for raffle and we will announce your company sponsorship all night. Here is the link. https://emilyssmileboxes.com/casino-night</b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8581317431133132518.post-54876673937396063872018-08-24T16:44:00.003-05:002018-08-24T20:56:12.022-05:00Neurologist appointment<b>I was going to update earlier but I got busy and now I am super tired so if my blog doesn't make sense at some point you know why. So I have been to the ER twice, my personal care doctor twice, and I have now been sent to a neurologist. Here is the latest update (drum roll)......... no one knows. what the heck is wrong with me and it's frustrating. However, they're trying and I just have to have patience.</b><br />
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<b>The second trip to the ER resulted in a diagnosis of probable Lyme disease and they put me on painkillers and Doxycycline. I can say that I took my 5th dose today and I do feel some better. It was rather comical because the Infectious disease doctor at the hospital challenged the ER doctor and said Lyme is not in TX. She disagreed and put me on the medication anyway primarily to start eliminating issues. She specifically said, "You have something serious and we know it's serious and it's time to start treating symptoms to eliminate possibilities", smart doctor. I still have an excruciating headache, earache, ringing in my ears, and fatigue. However, the fatigue has subsided enough to where I feel like I can last longer at work so she might be on to something. The ER sent me home with instructions to see the neurologist and an Infectious Disease specialist. </b><br />
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<b>The neurologist, sigh. First off I loved her nurse but the doctor's bedside manner was a bit standoffish. She listened to my afflictions but any time I got to something she wasn't comfortable with she would reply, "I am just a neurologist". After the 6th "I am a neurologist" I replied, "I know you are a neurologist I am very familiar was with a neurologist does." She replied, "oh so you have seen one for this before." My reply? "No, I had a very sick child for years who required frequent trips to the neurologist for his issues until he was placed on hospice". I said, "I know that the headaches, dizziness, ringing in my ears, facial issues, and more are all things that can be handled by a neurologist but at this point, each doctor keeps telling me I am beyond their complexity or they don't handle certain parts of this." Her demeanor then seemed to change and she began listening more and began the examination. She said she does NOT believe I had Bell's Palsy or Ramsay Hunt so she and ER doctor #2 concur. She said if it's Lyme it's far beyond her scope of education and that Lyme is an issue here Texas despite what the infectious disease doctor said (she laughed about his response). She said she believes I have a droopy eye which means something affected the muscle and the nerves in my face. She believes this was a "nasty" virus and it may have attacked my brain and she seemed frustrated the ER didn't complete and MRI. So I have a contrasting MRI tomorrow at 1:30pm......I hate MRI'S and I am already dreading it. If it's an emergency they'll obviously call but if it's not I will find out if anything showed on the MRI at my next visit. </b><br />
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<b>As previously stated this has been very challenging for me. It's one thing to not want to get out of bed in the morning but to not be able to get out of bed is a whole different mind blowing situation. It can certainly wreak havoc on your psyche and I admire those that deal with chronic illnesses without answers and chronic illnesses in general. I know everyone is concerned and that's why I wanted to update as a whole. </b><br />
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<img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/139/6285A6E29143D2568ED0E9CB7D3D86F6.png" style="background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 0%; border: 0pt none;" />Jennifer Ortizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14350225247489608653noreply@blogger.com0