Monday, May 14, 2018

My Husband

I did pretty well on Mother's Day and I have to say it was really thanks to my husband. Also to Emily for sending me sweet messages throughout the day. Mike signed up for YouTube red and kept me busy watching "Cobra Kai" most of the day so my mind didn't wander. However, the night........the nights are always the worst and they have been since Jude left. The night is when your brain seems to go into overdrive, maybe it's the darkness that causes it. So when I asked late in the evening to go for a drive Mike really didn't question me and we took off in my little Beetle with the top down. It was a nice night and I was able to clear my thoughts a little. Then when I got back the sadness set in a bit again. I finally fell asleep but that didn't last long. I woke up throughout the night having dreams of Jude and not being able to fall back asleep. I texted my work that I needed some time this morning and as usual, they were ever accommodating.

Mike has been my rock during my grief. He always seems to know when I am down and what I am thinking. He also reacts to remedy a potential situation before I have time to react which speaks volumes. He knows me! He knows I hate highways and traffic so he takes the backroads and drives slow. He knows I love movies and a good series so he thinks ahead about items I might like. He loves me skinny, fluffy, happy, sad, you get the drift!  Someone recently told me I can travel without Mike and I remember thinking, I just really don't want to. I know I can but I prefer him to be with me. Don't get me wrong we have our moments and he has to go to his man cave and myself to my girl cave but overall I just prefer to have my husband at my side.  Yesterday in honor of Mother's Day he left me this profound message, "I know what a difficult day today can be. Today delivers twice the loss. To reflect on the loss of Child and Mother is far more than one should endure. Just know I love you and you have been the greatest Mother and wife.

We have been through the worst. After the Jude passed I remember sitting in the funeral home having to make decisions about Jude's burial. I remember feeling blank and like I was just floating in a dream. I overhead Mike talking outside the door and said, "I just have to get my wife through this." I am always strong and always able to keep going in life but for the first time, I had someone realize I wasn't well. I was hanging on by a very small thread and that person dedicated their time to make sure I would be okay. I am forever grateful to him and very proud he is my husband. God knew I would need someone by my side and I am blessed.

I am also very blessed to be the mom of two amazing children! Hope everyone had a good Mother's Day.