Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Biggy Biggy Big can't you see......

I have been completing a project within my office so forgive my failure to post quickly. I had an interesting report for you regarding what Mike lovingly refers to is "Bigs, Jenn's crappy little dog". Yes, somehow Bigs has become more my dog than Emilys, but that's okay. He is a pretty good pup, but has never seemed to pay much attention to Jude. In fact, he will walk over Jude sometimes without consideration. I have said before that my take on this is that in the wild animal kingdom the mother would have left Jude if he had been born to them in this condition. It sounds terrible, but it's true. So maybe Bigsby didn't recognize Jude because of this? Anyway, the other night I had gone to a Scentsy party, and Mike was left in charge of the feeding pump. Mike had gone down stairs to retrieve some medicine, and the pump alarm went off signifying Jude's feed had ended. Mike wasn't to concerned because he knew what the alarm meant. He said suddenly Bigs came flying down the stairs barking in distress, and when Mike ignored him Bigs responded with a little howl that sounded exactly like the pump alarm. He repeated his little howl until Mike went upstairs. Isn't that crazy?

So I choose to believe that little Bigs was watching our for Jude, and was letting Mike know there was a problem. Bigs wanted the problem taken care of, and now Bigs sees Jude as a part of our family. In fact, I noticed Bigs walked around Jude last night whenever I got home so he could get to my lap.

Good dog Bigs, good dog!

For a laugh visit my co-worker/friends blog, and you can see a picture of me working away. http://jenniferandeduardo.blogspot.com/

Monday, November 29, 2010

A weekend, and a rant

The holiday weekend was very nice, we were busy, but it was nice. Jude was super cute all weekend, and gave me lots of smiles. Last night we watched "The Back Up Plan", and I would give Jude kisses during the movie, and he would just smile at me. Jude also played a game with me over the weekend. I would place him on his tummy, and ask him to raise his head. Every time he raised his head up I gave him big kisses on his cheeks. He loved this, and would lift his head up over and over, until he just got to tired to do it anymore.

So I do have a rant. I have mentioned before that I no longer have a group health plan at my work. Therefore, I had to obtain individual health insurance. I know I am an insurance agent, but I would in P+C, and life, NOT HEALTH. Let me tell you what a crock of poo Individual health plans are. I went to the doctor for the first time on this plan a couple of weeks ago. Over the weekend I received a letter stating they were requesting records from any doctor I have seen int he past five years. Why? because the doctor marked I had "fatique". Let's not go into the fact I haven't slept correctly since 08, but I had a virus.......isn't that a symptom? I am so annoyed! So I called the insurance company this morning, and she said this wouldn't be a normal routine, but if they find anything they may provide additional exclusions. Well I listed everything, but can you imagine if they started excluding everything that was wrong with me when I was pregnant? Oh, and not to mention individual plans no longer cover maternity even with a rider, nor do they cover birth control. So I feel like the decision was made for me regarding having more kids, and then what do people do to prevent it? Boy, health insurance is messed up if you don't have a group plan!!! Don't even get me started on finding insurance for Jude. Without a group plan he gets medicaid, and that's it. So what's the solution? Mike could look for a job that offers group health, but then we are back in the position of who takes Jude to his doctor, and therapy? So where exactly was the reform? The cost of this individual plan is sky high, they can exclude whatever they want, and there seems to be no proper regulation regarding the entire health industry.

Anyway, Jude seems to be thriving since his G Button surgery, and we hope this continues. They are going to start working with Jude at his therapy on communication. I will be anxious to see if he responds in any manner.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

A Thanksgiving weekend update.

Well we had a very nice Thanksgiving with my family. We all ate turkey, and dined on every casserole known to man. It is going to take me at least a month to get all the food off my waist I have eaten this weekend. Although the morning after Turkey day Jude decided to get up about 4am, and not go back to sleep for several hours. He has also woken me up several times before that, so I was very tired. I was happy to see nurse Allen arrive the next day at 8am. He let me sleep in, and it was wonderful. Jude did the exact same thing last night, so Allen took the morning shift again today. It is so nice having someone there that can help with Jude, because the lack of sleep can be very difficult to manage.

Last night we all settled in to watch the movie "Extraordinary Measures", and it was really an amazing story. As we watched the movie Mike, and I both got choked up several times. The story revolves around a father that wants to find a treatment for an incurable disease two of his children suffer from.  We watched the movie, and picked out many things we recognized like the feeding pump, etc. Anyway, the movie was really touching, and it's worth watching.

Yesterday we got our tree up, and it looks wonderful. I snapped a picture, but it was from my phone and a bit fuzzy. Emily has dropped my camera, and it's broken. It seems I can never keep a camera for very long, argh! So I am on the hunt for another Nikon Coolpix.

So I received an email last night from a very nice lady that had found Smile Boxes months ago through my uncle in Missouri. Her daughter was riding home with someone, and they were in a major car accident. She is currently residing at the Ronald McDonald house while her daughter is in the hospital. My heart goes out to her. She said that they received an Emily's Smile Boxes, and it made them feel a bit of comfort because they knew exactly what it was. I was happy we could help them a bit at such a tragic time. They are in our thoughts, and prayers.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving. I have been left by my husband as he heads off to watch the Dallas Cowboys in their new stadium. I will miss him, but I cannot blame him for going. His friend Chris gave him a free ticket, and they have incredible seats. Emily went to her dads so it's just Jude, and I until about 4pm. We are hanging out watching the Thanksgiving parade. I keep trying to hold him, but he keeps getting mad I have taken him off his tummy.

I wanted to wish all my readers a very happy Thanksgiving. I am very grateful for my family, my friends, my job, and more. Be safe today, and enjoy your family, and blessings. I am very thankful Jude is still well since his surgery!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Jude's room.....making progress

Here is a peak at Jude's room. It's not finished yet, but we are making progress. I had the "Welcome to Camp Juders" made at Upper Case Living. If you haven't used them yet they are awesome! I have a friend that sells their items here: http://stormy.uppercaseliving.net

I am very happy with it! I also just love our house, I know it's just a house, but it is our home, and I love it :). I hope everyone has a very blessed Holiday Weekend.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A smiley Jude, and a broken finger

Jude was so adorable when I got home last night. I kept talking to him, and he would coo back at me. I swear he was trying to say "mom". He did seem to start running a low grade fever, and was a bit congested in his chest. I again think this could be issues from the teeth, so we are keeping a watch on him.

He was such a big boy in his tomato seat last night as I wheeled him around the house. He went with me to take a bath, and then on to clean up the kitchen. He finally got mad at me, and wanted to be back on his tummy again. I am unsure why he loves his tummy so much, but he would stay there all day if we would let him.

I am almost done with my Christmas shopping, but Jude has few things. I have paid to decorate his new room over the past month so I am going to count that towards his Christmas gifts. However, I do still get sad that Jude cannot run to the tree on Christmas morning, or even seem to understand what is going on. Well he may understand, but he cannot express it, and I wish he could. I still grieve for the little boy I wished we had given birth to, while still being very grateful for the little boy we had. Does that make sense?

So Mike did indeed break his finger. They took X rays, and said it's possible he might need pins in his finger in the future. Really?? I guess I need Smile Boxes event insurance. I cannot believe that he actually broke it. Poor guy!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Smile Box party

Yesterday was the big Emily's Smile Boxes Christmas box making party, and it went amazing. I bet we had about fifty volunteers show up throughout the day. Many people I didn't even know, they just found us through word of mouth. We even had a few stragglers from the coin show next door come to help. We filled over 400 boxes, and they were all dropped off yesterday. I have some amazing photo's to share with everyone. The bad news? Mike broke his finger unloading the boxes out of his truck, and it looks TERRIBLE. I think he is just going to have to suck it up and go to JPS to have it set back into place. He got a split last night thinking there was nothing that could be done, but it's obvious it's broken, and out of socket. Of course, he doesn't have insurance so chalk it up to our luck. JPS will see him, and they have a level 1 triage center, so he should get good care. The challenge is getting him to go.

Jude didn't like the event yesterday as much as he normally does. He had two separate hissy fits where we had to take him out of the room. I thought it may be the noise, but he started grinding his teeth, so we knew it was the cutting of the molars again. We gave him some Motrin for pain, and soon he was back to normal.

So I have been a bit stressed over money, and feeling a bit unhealthy lately. I have therefore neglected my blog some. I am trying to get caught up, relaxed, and in a better spot. I will be posting more soon. Until then here are some awesome pictures from this weekend. I am great at my job, but I have always wanted to work in a position to where I could serve those in need. So proud my daughter has helped me achieve this goal.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Sometimes kids just touch you deeply

Today was a good day for Emily. Last night she tried out for the UIL one act play at her school, which will be "Alice In Wonderland". Emily had practiced at home every night prior to the try outs, and she tried her hardest. She found out today, that she received..........the role of Alice! She was thrilled, and also a bit timid about the amount of work ahead of her. She also received "Sister of the year" from the national association of pediatric nursing, what an amazing honor. She also put together a collage for the Slant 45 project Daryl Johnston started. So she had a very busy day. Although, once she got home.......she forgot her key and had to knock on the door thus waking up Jude. She then argued about her homework with Mike, and had a nose bleed that lasted what seemed an eternity. She texted me that her best day had turned into her worst day. My heart went out to her, but I also knew I had to stand my "mommy ground" and make sure she followed the right path.

When I got home I made sure she was fed, her homework was done, and I sent her to her room about a bazillion times to make sure her laundry was done appropriately. I knew she exasperated with me, but she still finished in time to spend some time with me watching a movie. I then stopped the movie... I bent down to attach Jude's feeding tube, and while looking down Emily slipped a letter under my nose. I was surprised........and stopped to read it.....and ended with tears.

"Dear Mom,

Thank you! Thank you for the clothes, food, and everything else you give me even the stuff I don't need. Thank you for taking me to practices, and tutorials! I love you so much, and I care about you. I wish one day I could do the same for you what you have done for me. Since yesterday's assembly at school I have thought about how to tell you this, and I thought about a letter. I really want you to know that I love you a lot, and I hope you never leave.  I would miss you so much, but I know you wouldn't go anywhere. I just wanted to let you know that I would miss you so much that my soul would probably be dead ...without actually being dead, love you, Emily"

Then she put a heart with Mommy and Emily in it, and then put "sorry about the misspells".

I was very touched, it was so sweet. I shed many tears.


Well after being soooooo busy at work today is ......well dead. I am finishing up all my paperwork, mailing letters, and making calls. You can tell that people are officially on vacation for the holiday.

So another royal wedding? If you know me, you know I am SO excited! Let me explain........my mother passed away in July of 1980. There were a lot of changes in my life over that next year. My father got remarried, and things were just .......different. I was only 7 years old when my mom died, and when all these changes took place, so I was a bit out of sorts. So imagine being a young girl going through a hard time, and hearing that a pretty young lady was going to become a princess. Almost exactly a year after my mom died, Diana got married on national TV.  This wasn't your Disney fairytale show, this was a real live person walking down the red carpet at St Pauls Cathedral to become "Hey Royal Highness Princess Diana". Wow, I was mesmerized by the whole event, and watched every minute of the wedding. Of course we now know, and understand that this was indeed no fairytale life that she led. My husband was laughing at my last night watching the Dateline show regarding the royal Engagement of Kate to William. He said "You just want to be a princess". I said "No, I really don't. I cannot imagine not being able to walk into a mall....or a store.......or just run into a restaurant, without being hounded". I like my quiet life, but I do admire the humanitarian work Diana completed before her tragic demise. She opened doors to AIDS patients, and created understanding around the world that AIDS is not spread by touch.  She also touched the hands of lepers when most people wouldn't dare complete that task. She created awareness of hidden mines, and the destruction they cause. She also inspired so many children to explore the benefits of the community of fine arts, and dance.

She was someone I admired. Regardless of her emotional instabilities she was an inspiring determined hero to many. I was shocked when she was killed, and very saddened. I was visiting in a remote area of Louisiana, and when we got back into cell range I had 16 messages from friends, and family. They all knew I would be so upset. My lineage is from England, and someday I hope to visit. I would like to see where my ancestors were from, and I am also a huge history buff. So yes, I will be tuning in to see her son wed the woman he loves. Praises to him for picking someone that he truly cares for, maybe his marriage won't suffer the same fate Diana's did from a lack of love.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Jude updates, and an inspiring story

I have been extremely busy at work, and with Scentsy. It's the holidays so everyone is calling regarding placing orders in time to receive them as gifts. So therefore, it's not leaving much time for a thought provoking blog. We also have the Christmas Emily's Smile Boxes making party this Sunday. I am not as organized with it this time as I normally am, but I have had less funds to work with. Normally I am able to sort all the individual items into plastic bins, but not this time. We are still looking at a great turn out, and all the hospitals are ready for the actual drop off.

So last night when I got home Mike was in the floor working with Jude, and it was very cute. He had Jude's toy in front of him, and was encouraging Jude to reach and touch the buttons to make the music play. Jude was trying so hard to keep his head up, and would accomplish this for a minute or so before it dropped. This is great improvement. Jude also turned his head while it was lifted to see me when he heard my voice. He also tracked his stuffed dog scout from one side to the other when Mike moved him. This is all advancement and is encouraging. We know Jude will never be able to communicate the way we can, or walk to way we can, but we are trying our best to get him to be the BEST he can be.

As I was typing this blog my friend Steve sent me a link to a video, I am now sitting at work in tears, but they are warm heart tears. He said he knew I would appreciate the story, and he was so right. I get it. I love the mother in this film, saying "this is my son!". He is a little hero who knew his sickness was terminal, but he didn't let life get him down. She helped her son be the best he could be, just like I mentioned about Jude above. I know some people won't want to watch because it's sad, but I figure if his family can endure the pain than I can for a few minutes, to express my gratitude for someone so amazing! What a little inspiration. I encourage you to click on the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCSzysu_flY

Tomorrow I will blog on the royal wedding that's coming up. I was a huge fan of Princess Diana, but I feel like the above video should be the end to today's blog.

Monday, November 15, 2010

a little update

So last night about 4am Jude woke up just cracking up. I thought at first I was seeing his "giggle" seizures again, but it did not look like a seizure. In fact, I kissed him on his cheek, and he turned to look at me, and laughed harder. I think he was having a good dream, and just woke up in hysterics.

Overall Jude had a pretty good weekend. He didn't sleep much last night, so the Melatonin is fired again. We have even increased the dose to 1.5 tablets, but it's hit or miss on if he sleeps.

Last night about 9pm Jude started getting a bit fussy, and I was just exhausted. I grabbed Jude, and we gave him all his medications a bit early. I then took him to bed with me, and we snuggled up like we used to. It wasn't long before both of us were sound asleep. Like I said above, Jude didn't stay that way, but it was nice to snuggle with him again.

So I am pretty ready for the holidays. I am broke, but still ready to spend some time with my family.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

A nice nurse!

Friday night Emily had another showing of her play. Jude's nurse Allen had asked if he could follow me, and watch the play. I really feel like God has placed Jude's nurses in our lives, because they are both such amazing people. I was so impressed that he took the time to come watch Emily, just because he really wanted to. He said he was surprised like I was at how amazing the performances were. I can tell his nurses will become like family to us.

Jude has been doing well this weekend. He slept through the night last night, which was so wonderful. I woke up to check on him, but he was just sleeping like an angel. He does sound a bit congested, but no one thinks it's anything worrisome.

Tomorrow I have a baby shower to throw, and Em has her last performance of Seussical to attend. We will bring our weekend to a close by resting in our Pj's on the couch!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Seussical Jr

We went to Emily's play last night, and I was honestly very impressed. When I was in middle school our musicals consisted of bleachers on a stage that we all stood on, as we fumbled through our designated lines. We all tried to sing as quiet as possible so no one would know we had not memorized our song. Emily's musical was full of lights, great props, and amazing singers. The long hours of practice has paid off, and I am very proud of the entire crew. I am going again tonight, and I am looking forward to it.

Another wonderful thing that happened last night is Jude's reaction to the show. At first he was a bit whiney, but he just wanted out of his chair. I started hearing "uhhhhhhhhhh, uhhhhhhhhhhh!!". So I got him up, and soon he was pretty content. As soon as the "bird girls" came on the stage, which was Emily's group, he started laughing. He laughed, and laughed until everyone around us was laughing at him! He loved the show!! This was so encouraging to us.

Here are some pictures from last night. Remember that all the kids are in full stage make up. It is a regular theatrical stage with full stage lights. I couldn't take pictures of the actual play because it's copyrighted. They are suppose to give us some pictures on Cd, and I will share them then.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

pulling my hair out.......

It's been a crazy last two days, and I hate to say it but my anxiety level is very high. I think it's a accumulation of everything going on in my life. Emily's play is taking up a lot of time, Jude is not sleeping.......again, and money issues have me very very stressed out. I hate feeling like that, and I am sure everyone else does. It's a lot of pressure having the family's financial needs on my shoulders, but I know it's hard on Mike not having a job too.

Jude was still up and down last night so Mike was going to talk to Charlotte about keeping Jude up during the day. It seems we go through phases where Jude sleeps, and when he is awake a lot. I have noticed other mothers who have children afflicted with neurological problems have the same problem. I am assuming it's a direct relation to the affect on the brain.

So good news, the doctor said not to worry about the medication mishap, and to even keep Jude on the increased dose. I also heard back that my blood results were "perfect". Hooray for good news.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Trusts, and care

I have been to busy to blog today, and this is going to have to be quick. Work is hectic, and I have been trying to figure out our estate planning, if God forbid something should happen to Mike, and I. I have items in place, but I now have to change some of it. My poor sister is very ill, and if something should happen to us she would be unable to take Jude. Even if she could, I would not want to add to her stress level, we found out she will need a shunt in the next few weeks. My heart just bleeds for her. Lifting Jude, caring for him, and more can be a full time job. It's a difficult decision wondering who to ask to care for your special needs and special son if the unexpected happens, and it's a stressful decision. I am now leaving enough life insurance to make sure he is well care for, the house paid, and nursing care is always around. Now we just have to figure out all the rest, set up the trusts, and more. My head may explode today!! I do have a great attorney friend who offered to do the trusts at minimal cost. He is also issuing our will, and setting up a trust for Emily too. Again, my head may explode.

So here are some pictures of therapy today.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

button issue

Well what an interesting day! This morning Mike and Charlotte took Jude to a follow up GI appointment. As they were getting out of the car Mike felt something hang on the car seat. He thought it was just Jude's clothes, or the seat belt, but when he pulled hard he realized it was the G button. Out it popped, and Jude screamed for a long time. Mike ran him into the doctors office and the ladies immediately ushered them back to pop the G button back in.  Mike called me pretty upset, and my first thought was that I was so relieved it was me this time. Then I felt terrible for thinking that, and I began to feel really bad for Mike. He was on the verge of tears, and you could hear the guilt in his voice. I assured him that these things are going to happen, and we will learn from them. He texted me after Jude calmed down, and I think he felt a little better. Poor guy, he was pretty upset........well both of them were!

The good news is the little piggy that went to market is now 34 pounds!! He is growing like a weed, and the doctor was thrilled. On the other hand, he said he is gaining to quickly so Jude......is on a diet! I never thought I would say those words. The have omitted a half a can, and scheduled another appointment. Before they left Mike said the doctor picked Jude up squeezed him with a huge, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Now that is a lovely doctor.

Emily's play starts Thursday night at 7pm. It then runs Friday at 7, and Sunday at 2pm. I encourage our family, and friends to check it out. Email me for information. She has worked very hard on this play. Also, Chick-Fil-A benefit night is tonight Tuesday, November 9th from 5 – 8 pm. 20% of all sales when "Timber Creek" is mentioned will go toward Emily Smile Boxes. Chick-Fil-A is located in Alliance Town Center - at Interstate 35W and Heritage Trace Parkway in north Fort Worth. Thank you to Rebecca the head of student council at Timber Creek high for putting this together!

Ps. I was watching this again....it just cracks me up. Em lip synching. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88xFqLcJYV4

Sunday, November 7, 2010

It turned out to be a nice weekend

I appreciate the comments left after my huge flub up, they made me feel a bit better. Friday night I got a huge surprise in the mail. Scentsy (my part time job) held a sales contest for four months, and I worked TAIL OFF to try to get Jude an Ipad. Unfortunately, I did not achieve the level I needed to to get him his Ipad, but I did reach the level for a new coach purse for mommy! I was sad I didn't get him the Ipad, but I know we will get it in the future.  The contest ended in August, and I have been waiting by my mailbox like a kid waiting on a letter from Santa Claus. Finally I received a shiny gift card to a shop I would never frequent. I loaded Emily in the car along with her cousin Faith. We drove into town to extinguish my guilt and sorrow with some retail therapy. The girls walked through the store with me looking at all the beautiful items. I have never believe in spending a small fortune on a purse, but this beautiful gem cost me........$22!

You have to laugh at Emily peeking through the handles. After our shopping adventure, and lunch, we came home to relax watching movies. Emily looked at me before she went to bed, and said "Mom, I had a good time today". It warmed my heart.

Sunday was just as good! My friend Fleck brought over Sex and the City 2. If you know me, I am a HUGE SITC fan. I have not seen the movie yet. We all agreed to wear our comfy clothes, fix fattening food, and just relax. I even put Jude in his superpower jammies, and he joined the girl party. Em had to watch Icarly downstairs, but she didn't seem to mind. Mike had gone to his friend Kevin's house, and it was just a nice chance to breathe. Jude was all smiles, and he had a great time with all the women. It was so wonderful to see my sister, because she has had such a hard time lately. She has "Pseudo Tumor Cerebri". I hope I spelled that correctly. You might look it up, it's no fun, and at a young age she will need a shunt in her brain. I try to see the positive side, and assure her that there is hope because they possibly have relief for the issue. It still sucks that she has to deal with this so young, and so early into a new marriage. She is a trooper!

Jude was so great this weekend. Tonight I wrote down everything pertaining to medication that I have for him. I also wrote down, every drop of food every and ounce of water. I realized that we do all make mistakes .... some forgivable, and sometimes in some eyes unforgivable. I realized that some words hurt more than being beaten with a whip, but then realized I learned that lesson when I was very young. I realized I am a really good mom, but I have flaws, and scars that mark the map that makes up who I am.  My life has been filled with many challenges, and I am not sure why.  Maybe in the end something grand will be waiting, but maybe it will just be the fact.......I made it through that is the most rewarding thing of all.

Jude is now sleeping quietly, and is so very adorable.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

big mess up

Well I messed up again. Jude came home from the hospital with his same medications and prescriptions. Only difference is his Felbatol is now marked 2ml three times a day on the bottle, but it's suppose to be 2,2,1. I messed up, and I have been giving him the wording on the bottle at night. I thought we had talked about increasing the dosage, but I misunderstood. Mike is pretty angry with me, and who could blame him.

He made the comment that I might be better at working than caring for Jude. It hurt, but maybe he is right. I don't need empathy, I just wanted to admit my mistake.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


I don't normally listen to country music. I did as a child, and there are a handful of songs that I still really enjoy.  Recently, I have caught myself listening again, and one song that has resonated with me is Miranda Lambert's, "The House that Built Me".  Every time I hear it, I think of the house I grew up in, until I was a pre -teen. Kary Lynn Drive .........is where I called home, it was a small three bedroom house, about 1000 square feet. My mom Candace lived there, and made it a home for me until she passed away. My tiny hand prints are in the concrete border that line the bushes in the back of the house. My favorite dog Muffin lies in a deep grave my dad dug for him with a small cross nailed above him to the fence. My mom had a beautiful stained glass window made for the door that welcomed all our guests as they came in. I can still picture her sitting at her piano playing an amazing rendition of Beethoven's, "Moonlight Sonata" . She would let my little fingers flow across the keys with little instruction, she just let me have fun. I knew she was sick, but I loved her unconditionally.

My step mother Kay re-did my room in pastel yellows, and wicker after my mom left.  Kay also wrapped a tiny cocker spaniel up in a Christmas box after my puppy Muffin had died. While sitting at the dinner table I heard a small whimper, only to run to the Christmas tree to find the tiny puppy crawling out of the box. I was so happy after such a tragic loss of my beloved Muffin! That home was a mass of happy occasions, turmoil, and grief. After more than thirty years I walked up to that house on Kary Lynn, to ask the owner what happened to the stained glass door. I was hoping he still stored it in the garage, and I could purchase it from him. Unfortunately, he had no idea where it went, but he was very welcoming. The yard is now sporadically polka dotted with dirt rather than grass, and the mailbox hangs a little to the left verses straight. On top of that, the house looked very tiny compared to my memories of a gigantic home as a small child. It's amazing how much larger everything seems when you are a child.  

My grandparents then offered my next home at the age of fourteen. I dream of this house all the time, and I am unsure why.  My husband says it's because it's the place I always felt safe in.  I can picture every detail of that house down to the 50's paisley wallpaper in my room, and the retro green shag carpet........but it was my home. I picture my friend Ginger laying on the trundle bed in my room laughing uncontrollably at something my grandmother had said. We giggled, and talked until the wee hours of the morning. I can see the foil on the windows that my grandmother thought kept the light out better than her curtains. I can picture the Kleenex boxes with crocheted hair, the stuffed parrot in the window (don't ask), and a jar of jelly beans that invited every visitor to stick their hands into. Most of all I can see my grandparents in their staple recliners in the living room. My grandmother has a trashy romance novel in her hands, and my grandfather is fully invested in a documentary on TV..........and I just smile. My grandparents were lovely people, and the memories make my heart happy.

So with all that I have been through I have found myself a bit lost at times, honestly I find myself lost........a lot. Sometimes I need a day off to re-coup, and sometimes I just need to...........well I just need to .............remember. Sometimes people ask me how I keep going...........it's because of the houses that built me!

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQYNM6SjD_o&ob=av2e


I have not forgotten to blog, and update everyone I have been in a company meeting most of the day. Once I got back to work I have been non stop. So I did go to the doctor yesterday, and she checked me over. She said I had a viral upper respiratory infection, and a pulled muscle in my back. When I woke up this morning I still felt terrible, but by the end of the work day I am feeling much better! I really think it was a 48 hour viral thing. I went home yesterday after the doctor, and just relaxed. I am sure that helped me heal quicker.

So for years I have had a lump in the back of my arm, and I consulted a doctor about it before. He said it was nothing to worry about. Well I now have more, I thought there were three, but we found a fourth yesterday. I am still not worried, but the doctor did take a blood panel just to make sure all is okay. Let's face the facts people, I am getting older, stuff deposits all over your body in the strangest places ...we all begin to look and feel like swiss cheese. So again, I am not worried at all.  I do want to see the blood results though, because my bet is I am lacking a vitamin somewhere due to stress, and this will help let me know which supplement to take.

When I got home yesterday Jude was watching cartoons in his stander. I noticed he seemed to actually be looking at the TV a bit, and I noticed how very tall he is.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


My back pain has seemed to turn into something more than just a back issue. I feel like I have been hit by a bus! I am wondering if I wasn't catching something, and it hit my back first. I just aggravated it by picking Jude up. I really hate being sick. I am a busy person, and it puts a kink in everything. I rarely go to the doctor so when I feel bad enough to take a trip there (today at 1:45) you know I am ill!

Jude was extremely cranky yesterday, I know Charlotte was glad to go home last night. When I got home Jude was asleep on a pillow in the living room.........you know he slept until 7am! So from 5:30pm - 7am! I think he is fighting something off too. Must be in the air.

I am getting all my work caught up so hopefully my boss will allow me to leave a bit early. I still have a little time off left this year, so I will be covered. Thanks for everyone's comments on our Halloween pictures, we had a blast! Now it seems it's time for Christmas. All the Christmas ads on the Internet are sending me into a panic attack! :)

Monday, November 1, 2010

A recap of Halloween

Well this will mostly be a blog filled with a lot of pictures. This weekend we went to a Halloween party, and got to hang out with some friends we hadn't seen in a very long time. I told you guys that I had a costume, and drum rolllllllll.............I was Sookie from True Blood. I cracked up when I saw the Merlotte's waitress outfit, and since I loved the show I had to get it. Mike's costume was really funny. Last minute he decided to be a Tony Romo Zombie to represent the end of the Cowboys season.

The night was fun, but I caught myself being one of those girls that feels fat and frumpy. I hate those girls, but I will raise my hand.......I was one of them. My husband always reassures me I look great, but you know that old nagging feeling you have when you aren't in the shape you want to be in. So I saw a few old friends. I have a wonderful friend Derek who recently went through a divorce, and I convinced him to come out for awhile. He said he didn't have a costume, so he was labeled Sookie's brother Jason Stackhouse (If you don't know the show then after you see the picture below, look him up, you will understand why we gave him this title.) Derek's sister is a teacher, and is doing amazing fundraising for Emily's Smile Boxes.

I also got to hang out with my old high school buddy Scotty. Now let me tell you about two people getting into trouble together, holy moly it was us! If I wasn't with my best friend Ginger, I was with Scott, or vice versa. He was always so much fun.

I loved seeing my old friends, and hanging out for a bit. We were home promptly at 11, and Jude's nurse Allen knew we had a good time.

Sunday we started getting ready for the fundraising haunted cemetery, and then ended up having a great turn out. I had purchased 150 suckers to give out with promotional advertisements on them. I gave one to each child. I went through all 150, and then 3 bags of candy. So you can only imagine how many kids we had! We raised about $100. I wish it had been more, but at least we got a lot of marketing out there. We also established we will hold this event every year. We are going to have the yard grow, and more people will stop by. My cousin came, and sat with me while our kids went and trick or treated. I was so glad she was there, because Jude got upset a few times. I would have to take him inside, and she would stay outside to pass out the candy. Jude liked his Halloween costume, in fact, so much that he fell asleep after we put it on him. I think he was so snugly warm, and my cousins husband was patiently rocking him in his wheelchair so Jude just zonked out.

It was a good weekend. We did not take Jude trick or treating. Honestly, he cannot eat the candy, and I needed to watch the house. So he slept, and then looked around for a bit. Plus, this was Emily's first year of going "with her friends", so I just didn't have the energy to deal with the emotions of it all.

This morning about 4:45 Jude's feeding tube alarm went off, and woke us up. As I was prying my eyelids open I realized I had only put 75mls of water in his bag vs 150mls. After each feed during the day he gets 75, but at night he gets the 150. Sigh! So it was my fault, and of course.......Jude woke up. So I got to get up and down, up and down, until he finally went back to sleep about 6:56. At one point I lifted Jude up to reposition him, and I felt a pop in my back.....not good. Thanks to this doozy of an accident I have a horrible back.

So I have been hobbling around all day, and I am still hurting. Oh well! I told Mike I was invading his man cave tonight, and taking over the couch. Everyone will have to fend for themselves on food.