We went to the OB today. They did do the 4d sonogram per my request, but of course Jude was hanging out on his tummy again. So therefore, we didn't get to see a whole lot, but it was nice seeing him wiggle around. Dr Moser commented "This baby moves a lot!". We talked briefly about what Dr. Dooms office said, and what the neurosurgeon said. She agreed that there is just no way to know what the outcome will be until Jude is born. She compared it to children with spina bifida which she said can be very active in utero, and when they are born and the nerves are exposed they are paralyzed. So we will just have to wait and see. She did say she wanted us to go back to Dr. Doom at 24 weeks and 28 weeks. I just don't want to though. I understand she wants to see what she is dealing with, but honestly why does it matter? We are carrying him to term. Which we confirmed we will get to 37 weeks, and deliver by c-section. She said they will monitor Jude to make sure his lungs are fully developed before delivery. I go back and forth with emotions, and how to deal with them over all this. One moment I am super excited that we we are having a little baby. On the other hand I tell myself it's pretty realistic to think he is going to have issues ... even severe issues. It even sometimes feels weird celebrating with a shower, and such which I know is probably an odd thing for me to admit. I know people say you aren't suppose to think negatively.....power of positive thinking.....power of prayer and all, but I am human and those thoughts do cross my mind. A lot of people have told me they just wouldn't be able to handle a situation like this at all. I guess there are types that would freak. Being human though we have a way of just accepting the reality of situations, and being able to handle them. Is this situation fair? Of course it isn't, but it wouldn't be fair to anyone! Maybe I deal with things like this better because I have just had to deal my whole life. I have dealt with my mothers death, a boyfriend death, the grandparents that raised me, etc etc etc etc I could go on but it is useless. I have always figured life gives you two paths though, and it's not going to choose the right one for you. You have to have the sense and courage enough to travel down the right path. You cannot feel sorry for yourself or your life goes to crap! Who wants others feeling sorry for them all the time too? YUCK! I would rather people look at me as a strong person that can maneuver around obstacles or make the best of them anyway. This doesn't mean I don't hope and pray with all my might that Jude is normal. At least that he will be able to walk, talk, see, hear, etc. I would love to prove the MRI doctor wrong and show there is hope for these little babies!!! It also doesn't mean that I don't hope like anything we win the lottery to pay these medical bills that keep arriving in my mailbox. I am convinced there is an evil lil troll that inhabits the back of the mailbox and types these bills out on a daily bases to torture me :). Had to throw in some humor. Dr Moser was right though that Jude moves a lot. Last night we were sitting on the couch, and I pointed at my stomach where Jude was kicking so hard my shirt was moving. Mike got all excited that he could see him move. So I go back in two weeks to see Dr Moser again. We will see her every 2 weeks until Jude is born. It looks like his due date will be around 8/25 or 8/27.
Seems I have gained a little weight too......lol! Overall they said my weight gain has been good, but the scale was not my friend today people! I normally eat pretty healthy, and am pretty thin so this is awkward! I kinda walk like a penguin right now. I probably could join the cast of happy feet. Also realize that sometimes I am in a bad mood when people call me, but like I said before do not take it personally. It is NOT directed at you. In fact not to be rude, but I try to consider other people's feelings right now, but really my family and my emotional well being are what I am concentrating on. So please don't get upset. Sometimes I am just down and cannot help it, don't feel like talking so I say "check the blog", or sometimes I am happy.
Here are some pics of Jude, but they are kind of hard to see. They are of his arm (Mike said he was showing off his muscles), and his bottom (of course). He wouldn't give us a good face shot.
Mike picked up the paint for Jude's room yesterday and is very anxious to get started. I have such mixed emotions about preparing his room, but I am still under the belief he will be a miracle baby!