Thursday

It's almost the weekend and I am salivating over the thought of being able to sleep in! To top that off it's almost summer and Emily will be out of school. Which means I don't have to rush out the door, but increased daycare costs loom overhead. It's a win lose type of thing. Anyway, as happy as I am to have received good news about Jude I am a bit reflective today of past news. I am afraid to get my hopes up that the situation may actually be resolving itself. So therefore, I have resolved to stay complacent for now. I also went ahead and scheduled an appointment for Monday with Dr. Doom...sigh! I guess there is a part of me that feels if he says things are improving they really truly are. I would also like to know why I am measuring larger in fundal height. Dr moser said there was a lot of amniotic fluid and if she doesn't seem worried then I won't be. Although, I do know an excess of amniotic fluid can be caused if the baby has a neuro problem and isn't swallowing as much as the baby should. I highly doubt that is the issue though, and if it was he is making up for it now. Also another cause is a twin that dissolved which I have mentioned is listed as a cause of the brain issues we are experiencing. Really makes me wonder!! I really think all of this maybe just delays due to the prior brain bleed. The point is I am still wrestling with unknown. When presented with a less than desirable situation I guess thoughts occupy your mind. Regardless of whether you get on with normal life it still take a toll on you emotionally and physically. The waiting is now getting unbearable and I still have 13 weeks to go. I have noticed I get on happy highs when I hear promising news or read promising stories. Then I plummet a bit thinking of "what could be". I know that if his corpus callosum stays thin and there is any additional thinning he could be paralyzed among other issues. Then again if the ventricles are decreasing in size it would only be logical to realize there is brain tissue filling in those spots. So I go Monday to Dr Doom and I will post what he says. As I finished typing Jude seemed to be changing positions and getting comfortable again. He moves more often now. I still play him my ipod and I am convinced that helps his brain. Em goes to her dads this weekend, and I will miss her as usual. Although, maybe I can talk my hubby into taking me to see Sex and the City.....maybe.