Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Somewhere over the rainbow

Well it's been an emotional day. After I posted the below I talked to my neurosurgeon and OB again. I had faxed the full MRI report to both of them. I also overnighted the MRI films to a pediatric radiologist at Cooks Children's who I will hear from tomorrow. Anyway, the neurosurgeon called back and said despite the small corpus callosum, and etc he still cannot give a definitive diagnosis. He said he is still optimistic that this could turn around....then he said it may not. My Ob said she agreed with the neurosurgeon. She also said she thought about me today. She had a lady from another country that was 20 weeks preg with a healthy girl come in today for a post check. Without my dr knowing she aborted the healthy pregnancy because it was a girl and not a boy. She said it happens all the time because they want boys. She said she has a hard time understanding why couples like us who would be so happy with a healthy baby are subjected to this. My dr also said she feels for us for getting different opinions from different places, but her honest opinion is the problem comes from the specialists just don't know the answer because this is so unusual. So we are still going with the rescan and then we will know. I talked with my family in depth tonight about everything. If something happens at birth to our children we will always be there for them. My Aunt is a nurse and said she dealt with severely affected children that were that way from birth and then kids that were in accidents that were that way after. Either way it's unfortunate but there is never a guarantee in life. This is not being emotional hanging on to a pregnancy and even DR Moser acknowledged that today. She said she thought I had a good head on my shoulders regarding all this, and that she would want facts too before any decision was made. Anyway, one thing my aunt said today that stuck with me. My cousin (who has been wonderful) asked her from her medical background which doctor would she trust more. She explained it would be the neurosurgeon that deals with these cases everyday. She stopped and said that she would trust me and my mom instinct more. She looked at me and said God is telling me what to do. I told her I wish he would speak louder because I cannot hear him! Well I got home and went to tuck Em in and she was sweet as usual. When leaving her room she goes "wait mommy...do you want to hear your favorite song?". I thought she was going to break out singing Phantom of the opera or something again and braced myself. She flipped up her jewelry box and it played "Somewhere over the rainbow" and INSTANTLY the words "God is talking to you ... listen" popped in my head it was INSTANT. She is right...that version by IZ (Israel Kamakawiwoole) is my favorite!!!! It is mixed with "What a Wonderful World". You have to understand that music has always spoken to me, and the Wizard of Oz love comes from when I was little. So you want to hear the lyrics? What do you think? lol! Made me smile.

When all the world is a hopeless jumble
And the raindrops tumble all around
Heaven opens a magic lane
When all the clouds darken up the skyway
There's a rainbow highway to be found
Leading from your windowpane
To a place behind the sun
Just a step beyond the rain
Somewhere, over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I dreamed of
Once in a lullabye
Somewhere, over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true
Some day I'll wish upon a star
and wake up where the clouds are far
behind me
Where laughter falls like lemon drops away
above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me
Somewhere, over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.
I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.
The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.
I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.


It's song #1.

It said a lot to me.

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