I miss Jude and Mike tonight, but I have had a very nice time with Emily. We put Taylor Swift (at her request) in the cd player, and sang at the top of our lungs. We ate dinner together, and I purchased her some very needed jeans. She is now sound asleep in my bed....on Mike's side. I explained to her that Mike would be moving her as soon as he got home, but she didn't seem to listen. She has her softball uniform down here, her blanket, and her "lambie" in the bed with her. I am pretty sure that Mike's spot has been over taken for the night. I will take her upstairs though as soon as her gets home. I have to admit it made my night when she reached over, and grabbed my hand at dinner. She just wanted to touch me, and be close. We talked in length about her school, friends, clothes, boys, and more. I will always remember tonight.
Mike has been rather bored at the nursing home. We have texted each other the better part of the night. Since he is always the comic he has sent me pictures of the tv, the toilet, and more, showing me that the nursing home is "pretty decent". Each time I received a new picture I laughed, and shared the picture with Emily. He also sent me a video of Jude trying to eat his Elmo doll. Jude seems to think that anything next to his mouth is food........including poor Elmo!! Little red Elmo didn't stand a chance.
Tonight while Em and I were at dinner there was an adorable baby girl next to us squealing her heart out. She kept trying to stand in her high chair, and her mom would tell her nicely to sit down. Emily pointed her out, and I smiled at her. I told Emily that I thought the baby defying her mother insisting to stand was cute, and I explained that she wasn't much older than Jude. With those words Emily seemed to realize that Jude's disabilities are really shining through. Jude's hands are clinched, his toes pointed, and his arms rigged. I am adamant on getting him into extra therapy next week. Anyway, when Emily looked at the little baby she smiled politely at her, and then twisted the pediatric stroke awareness bracelet on her arm. My girl seems to understand a lot.
So I would like to have an honest moment. I have struggled this week with baby items at my house. Jude is outgrowing so many things like his swing, clothes, and more. When Mike and I found out we were pregnant with Jude we talked about his future even before we knew his sex, and how we would have at least one more baby. I talked about how great it would be for siblings to grow up together. Now I stare at these items, and I know I should donate them to a better place, but I have a hard time parting with them. It's an end to an age of having children for me, and it's a heartbreak that I am not ready to face. I wanted one more child.......I wanted one more tiny baby to depend on me for a bit. Yet I am afraid to take the chance, even though the possibility of having another baby with a stroke is very minimal. The idea of bringing a baby into the world when we are financially strapped is not an option, and if we wait five years that might have consequences to. So I neatly pack Jude's clothes away. I have put his swing in the guest room, and I will eventually take it all to someone who needs it, and know I am doing what I should. There are many women in the world that want just one baby so I count myself very blessed. I have to beautiful children, each of which have taught me to appreciate life in different ways.
On a funny note, while writing this I worked myself up, and scared myself silly. I kept hearing something banging against my front door over and over. I texted Mike, "I am scared because something keeps hitting the door, the alarm is set, but I am still scared". He called me right away, and asked me what kind of noise I was hearing. I told him that it seemed to loud to be the cat, and I was unsure what to do. So with Mike on the phone I turned the alarm off, and opened the door. All Mike heard was (excuse the language people). "Holy shit you fat ass cat.....how could you even catch that thing?".
Our cat Scooter had caught a huge bird, and was throwing it against the door repeatedly. I guess he REALLY wanted me to come see what he had brought us, and wasn't giving up until I gave him recognition. I guess this was my gift for purchasing a new brand of cat food he liked??? Da** cat scared the heck out of me!!! He probably walked off muttering something about me being ungrateful under his breath.