I have so many pictures to post, and so much to say that I am not sure where to start. Although, seeing how my port for the photo upload is broken I guess I will NOT be starting with posting the pics..ha. I will have to post those on Monday from work, but trust me I have the CUTEST photo ever of Jude asleep on his big teddy bear. I laid him on his Christmas bear to get a pic....it's one of those medium soft and fluffy 08 bears, and within a minute he was fast asleep "hugging" it. We went into this Christmas with a lot of tears, regret, and wanting solitary confinement. More Mike than myself, but I still personally did not feel real up to the holidays at all. As you know we cancelled our trip to Missouri so therefore we just sat at home on Christmas Eve...which was surprisingly...nice. I didn't pack or hurry about at all....we just relaxed. I did TRULY miss my family in Missouri SOOOOOOOOO much, but they are coming here in a few weeks so I will get to see them. On Christmas we did run a bit, but in the long run it all turned out wonderful. Also, people are amazing and our gifts were unexpected and overwhelming. We went to a nice dinner tonight with a gift card my sister gave us. For a few moments we really felt at ease, normal, and relaxed. Mike would reach over and hold my hand smiling, and I think that was so needed. Mike laughed, smiled, and he talked about going back to the gym so our Christmas turned from him wanting to be solitary to.......family. He talked of visiting friends, and more I was so very proud of him...and he ATE well!
Then when we left and got home tonight little Mr Jude had a horrible seizure! It was so bad that it scared me a bit. He is now incorporating that arm jerk I told you about with his old movements, and his eyes are bulging strangely. Mike's brother had epilepsy as a child so Mike is more used to the eye movements when I am not. I was ready to call 911, but Mike knew all would be ok. The klonnopin still works when we have to administer it so his seizures will respond to the sedative. It is so horrible to watch though, and I wish we could just ......... not have to deal with it.. but we do. SO I watched Mike look a little sad again, but as he said to me before it's not my weight to bear to make him ok. He will be ok though I know he will, and Jude is loved and he will be well.......Jude......perfect to us.
We were spending another gift card today and multiple women came by to offer their oohs and aahs of Jude...."how cute", "how adorable", "he is so big", etc. One even went so far to touch his hand and mention how he truly knew who his mother is because he was staring at me so intently. Little did she know he was looking slightly to the right over my head and was not focusing (I could tell), but I accepted the sweet compliment. As I walked off from her I wondered if Jude was in a wheel chair years from now unable to control his movements if she will still refer to him as "cute", or would she see him different. In addition to those women I also had a young lady about Emily's age that was deaf, and special needs come up to me signing and speaking in broken words how cute Jude was. I told her how grateful I was to her, and then I realized something. I have a new appreciation, and new found patience for special children. She was beautiful to me, and I was so proud of her for learning to sign because you could tell that wasn't easy for her.
By the way, Emily had Christmas throw up in her bedroom between my families, and her dads families ;). She is a lucky little girl, and we had a long talk about how grateful she should be right now. I said with everything going on we really could not afford much, yet she received so many nice and wonderful things from those that love her so much. I reminded her of all the children in the world that truly need things.......but Em knows.....Em has always known. She has a very warm heart that spreads to everyone around her. I know mothers are biased, but Em truly is a very sensitive child...I see great things in her. She will make a difference!! I thought about her....and that all Em has truly wanted for years for Christmas is a puppy. With everything we have gone through right now though that is just not an option....even though my aunt offered up a yorkie poo. We had to find our little Angel kitty a new home, and Scooter (our big tom cat) is mostly outside. Cats can cause issues dogs cannot (cat scratch fever, toxoplasmosis, etc). I also inherited three Jack Russel terrorists that are outside (see prior posts). I do wish Em could have my experience though of having a loyal friend in a dog as a child. I had a wonderful dog that never left my side, protected me to the end, and just loved me no matter what. A dog never cares what is going on in your life because they will love you regardless. It's just too much right to handle right now.
I have mountain o laundry in my kitchen......I am truly amazed at all of it and plan on working on it Sat and Sun! I plan on going to visit at my dads too.........and my cousin gets home tomorrow (yipee). Then my aunt will be here in a few weeks.....my aunt.....she will be so much help. She will be able to stay with Jude for awhile during the day (I think) while Mike can run to do a few errands. She is a registered RN so I know she will be an amazing help to us. So I am closing this blog with thanks for all our wonderful family, and friends. I will post more on Monday.