Last night we had an old friend of mine over for dinner, and we sat around talking, having wine, and just having a nice time. It was a break from the norm even though Jude started a small seizure while he was here. Mike rubbed Jude's head and was able to bring him out of the seizure fairly quickly. When our guest left we went to bed because I was literally exhausted. When we laid Jude down Mike was very afraid that Jude was going to seize. So we were listening very carefully for him in his bassinet, and then my eyes got heavier and heavier. I knew I needed to stay awake for Jude, but soon I was fast asleep. Mike said about an hour later Jude started to seize, but I was in such a deep sleep I didn't hear him I FEEL SO GUILTY!!! His little seizure can be so subtle and quiet that sometimes it's hard to hear him. So mark me down for the crappy mom award today. Anyway, I thought I heard him have one this morning, but he was simply sucking on his hand from hunger. So I got him up and put him in bed with us where he fell back to sleep for a little while. We like to make sure he is really hungry when he eats so he will take his entire bottle with the rice, and then his meds. So he woke up again about an hour later and sucked the entire bottle down, and then took his meds like a good boy. So then I had to leave to go to the eye doctor this morning, because my contacts have now grown into my eye. Not really, but they are so old they feel like it!!! It turns out my eyesight has changed.......hence the reason things have been blurry at night. When I got back home Mike said Jude had had another seizure, and he had administered the klonnopin so Jude was falling fast asleep. I was able to get an ounce of formula down him prior to his nap...we are a bit concerned about his eating so that made me happy. The sedative just knocks him out and I know the sleep is good for him, but at the same time I hate seeing him so drugged. I wish I could take all his seizures away, and absorb them into me. So I have been sitting here watching him sleep while playing on my computer. Suddenly the door bell rings and when I go to answer it there is a package at my feet. I scanned my mind quickly wondering if I had bought something off ebay that I had not received....but I knew I hadn't. So I opened it up and there is a SWEET note from Mara. I barely know her, but seeing how we both have children with special needs we communicate back and forth. We share a bond that we would prefer not to have to have, but it's nice to have... make sense? Anyway, I opened it up and there is a beautiful picture frame to put Jude's baptism picture in. Again, we are more comfortable with everything that has transpired, and are beginning to adopt a live for the day and live to the fullest attitude. That is what we want to do, and what we will do.
Em leaves for her daddy's house tonight, and won't be back until Christmas Eve. I am sure going to miss her. I know she will have fun though.