Realization

I have been rereading my blog from 2008 when I was still pregnant with Jude. I am trying to put it all in book format. Not that anything would ever happen from it, primarily because I am a grammatical nightmare, but just to have it for me. While reading my prior posts I am so mixed with so many emotions. I was so naive, and determined to go against the medical field. When I read through what the MRI specialist said I just kind of shake my head...because she was 100% right. I had forgotten that she explained that she had only seen one other case as extreme as Jude's MRI after an ischemic event (his stroke). I kept repeating myself in my blogs, I kept bargaining with God, and begging that our situation would change. I shook my head again when I read how the sonogram scans were showing Jude's brain ventricles decreased in size, and how the professionals were saying his situation my have turned positive. Boy, I had no clue. I guess I just never really got what they meant when they said there is a chance he may be profoundly disabled. I kept holding on the the words "He may be okay", and by that I mean he would walk, talk, and not suffer seizures. I really had no clue what the word disabled meant, but who really does understand the full definition until you are confronted with it face to face.

Despite what we have been through Jude's situation has taught me so much. I would never take a healthy pregnancy for granted, and only hope that someday I may get to experience that again. I will never look through the disabled, and always acknowledge their presence. I have been taught patience, empathy, and strength. I feel like I truly understand what pure love means, and how joyous it feels. I am glad we made our decision to bring Jude into this world. He has probably made more of a positive impact on people than I even could think of making. He is our little Juders.