Last night when I got home we all got ready to go to a dinner for our friends who lost their baby. We debated on not going because Jude was sleeping, but Emily was insistent we do. She wanted to see our friends, and honestly I did too. Once in the car I looked back at Jude who was fully awake, and making the funniest face at us while peaking out from his hoodie.
Once we got to the dinner I was just emotionally exhausted, and I am sure everyone else there was too. It took about two sips of wine and I was done. My friend actually held up pretty well at the dinner. I noticed she would tear up when she was looking at other babies, but that is a normal reaction. I still tear up when I see toddlers running around that are Jude's age, but he is in my life. We deal with a loss of a life,or a loss of what we thought our future was going to be, or just a loss of normalcy in our own way. They say time heals all wounds, but I am not sure you ever heal from losing a child. Even with all I have been through I still say stupid stuff in the midst of a tragedy. I told my friend that the religious sayings from people got on my nerves when we had our situation with Jude, and that if she ever wanted to just really talk to call me. What I meant was everyone telling me, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" really irked me, not that I had lost my faith, or that nothing religious helped. Anyway, it's one of those times when you slap yourself once you left a conversation because you realize at a later point what you said wasn't correct. I guess we all search for the perfect words in a situation like this, but there are no words for a situation like this. I continue to pray everyday for her heart to find peace, and that he baby boy survives, and lives a long joyous life.
Luckily Jude has been sleeping the last few nights, so that is good. I came in to check on his last night, and he was on his back, and when I came back in he was on his side. That means Jude moved positions on his own which is truly amazing. I think he was already tiled a bit with the help of a pillow somewhere, but that is still a huge accomplishment. I always wonder what to get Jude for Christmas each year, and I wonder if he notices the gifts. This year I got him some singamajigs, which are really cute. You can see them here: http://www.thesingamajigs.com/landing.aspx . I also want to get him a music mat, and I heard that singing toothbrushes are good for special needs. Also a huge gift is his sleep safe bed, which should be arriving any day. This is what his new bed will look like
So last night night there was a little baby at the dinner, that looked just like Emily did as a baby. When I got home I had to pull our Emily's old pictures just so I could send a scan to the baby's parents. I got an email back from them because they were amazed how much they resemble each other at that young age. I just had to share the cute picture with you, but don't tell Em, she will get me for posting it. Wasn't she such a cutie?
1 comment:
I think the most important thing you told your friend is that she can call you if she wanted to really talk. Several years ago the husband of a friend of mine died of a brain tumor. She told me once that one of the hardest things is not being able to tell people what is *really* on her mind.
I had a horrible foot-in-mouth moment with my friend who had the stillborn baby. I had not heard about the stillbirth and I saw her on messenger and I asked her when she was due!! Words cannot describe how bad I felt. what will stick out in your friend's mind is the good things your family has done/
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