Saturday, July 18, 2009

Just let me be

As I stated earlier Jude is doing better, but he is not a 100% yet. He has eaten enough today to stay hydrated, but nothing more than that. Which means he is doing what he needs to, to survive but ....nothing more. He fought me tonight when I gave him his bottle prior to putting him to bed, and I truly hurt his feelings when administering the Depakene. My friend "Fleck", was here, and got to experience the hissy fit in it's entirety, crocodile tears, big lip, and all. Surprisingly even though there was a fight I quickly got Jude's medication down him I included a few sips of apple juice, and a few sips of formula, before I let him retire for the night.

The ever looming issue of keeping Jude nourished is becoming a huge monster waiting for us. It's like we climb the mountain ahead of us only to find a huge obstacle standing in our way, it's a slap in the face. Jude has had a swallow test, and we know that he is not aspirating, so this is just a flat out refusal to eat. I have issues with a G tube, but if need be we would obtain one, but I hope we don't have to travel down that road. I admire you mothers that have ventured in that direction, but at the same time I selfishly hope I don't have to check into that lesson. I hope that doesn't offend you.

As mentioned my friend Fleck was over tonight watching TV, drinking wine, and talking with me. It's amazing how fate steers the appropriate people your direction in time of need. She sat with me on a Saturday night watching my baby cry, and she ate my chicken casserole.... that I probably baked to long. I explained to her tonight that I tend to be rather trusting, and naive when it comes to friendship. Yet in her case I know she is genuine, and she listens to my issues with an open heart. I told her all about my friend Ginger, my oldest... and dearest friend, who has always done the same. I explained that if I was wandering alone in the middle of the night crying Ginger would take me in and wipe my tears, without question. I know Fleck would do the same with hugs and little questions. My cousin would also do the take me in, and if the situation needed, find the person who created the tears and SMACK them with a sock of quarters. It's nice to have people who can listen without "advice", and just let you be. Just let me be..........me. Regardless of a mention of names my friends are always there for me, and I am grateful. When I leave this Earth I hope to leave behind smiles in people's faces. In other words, I hope my friends will think of something I have done, or said with them...............and smile knowing, "Well that's just Jenn". That would make me happy!

Sometimes I do need to just "be" without agenda, or reason. My life may seem together, but at times it is very frayed. The first year is the hardest.........so I hear............I hope they are right.

7 comments:

mom2nji said...

You are blessed to have friends like that! As for Jude, I understand your reluctance to use the feeding tube. Since it is not an issue as to whether or not he CAN eat, I would try to wait it out. Teething can cause a huge reduction in typical babies too. I hope that is all that he is doing now!

Katy said...

Jenn, I am so sorry that you are going through this and please know that you are not alone. I have struggled with charlie and the eating for quite awhile. My first thought would be to consider the possibility of reflux. We put a substance called Slippery Elm in Charlie's morning oatmeal and that helps keep his throat from being aggravated by reflux.

Also, you may want to try thickening his bottles with something. That would make him less likely to reflux. Charlie went through a stage where we were constantly feeding him jello and watery oatmeal to make sure he was hydrated--he just didn't want to drink anything.

Another avenue to explore would be allegies--they don't usually appear until around the first birthday, but soooo many kids are lactose intolerant these day.

I hope i'm not annoying you--I just wanted to throw a bunch of ideas at you. We had to go through a lot of trial and error before we discovered Slippery Elm, the fact that Charlie doesn't process milk easily, and that he would rather drown himself with a reglar cup than drink form a bottle or a sippy. Some days I feel like a scientist, but now i have a kid who eats most food and is happy at meal time. It was worth it.

The Redhead Riter said...

☼Hope you're having a sunshine ☼ filled Sunday!☼

Amber said...

No offense taken. :0)
We decided on a GB when Grace was 14 months old and was only consuming 8-10 oz a day. She too, just refused to eat. It was as if she did not feel hunger.
No judgement here friend...You'll know if/when it's time. I will say, it has brought me much comfort. Through illnesses, yucky meds, and just plain grumpiness...I know she's getting what she needs.
It's tough though...it's a difficult decision. Thoughts are with you and sweet Jude!

Michele Fleck said...

You can always "just be" around me as I know I can with you. That is one of the many awesome things a/b our friendship! I am so thankful we crossed paths! Life would not be the same w/o my girl Jenn in it! ;)

Candace said...

Jenn,
I can feel your pain, coming right off the page! I remember how we used to spend hours, trying to get food down Faith. At her worst point, just before we decided on the GTube, it was taking 7 hrs a day to get about 15 oz down her. Most meals took about 2 hrs of fighting, throwing up, wretching, coughing and gagging! Finally, after a year of it, we couldn't live with it anymore. We will pray for your strength and Jude to make a turnaround!

shelley said...

Hi Jenn,
Thought i'd stop over and say "hi" and see how you and little Jude are doing. Your daughters lil business seems to be picking up and doing well! congrats to you andher on that! My best wishes to you and your family. If you need any help with getting Jude to take his depakeane just give me a hollar!
hugs and smiles,
shelley