Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Pure frustration

Looking back on my adventure over the last 16 months I find myself a bit weary. I know that by forging ahead with our journey times will get increasingly hard, but easier at the same time. In other words the confusion never seems to settle. I see tiny accomplishments Jude has made, and I find myself being very thankful but angry too. I love having Jude in my life, but it's the realization that Jude will never be normal...ever. We will work with him on achieving as much as he can in his life, and he may surprise us. It's basically the wait and see that is so aggravating. So in the mean time we deal with the emotions, frustrations, and sometimes joy of our lives. I am sometimes not sure how people make it through situations like this then again you just do. We always hear, "I just couldn't do it". Sure you could if it was your child.

I actually started out the day very positive, and working diligently. Since that time my sick husband has become increasingly more agitated because he is not feeling well. I am picking up items he was going to do so after work today I need to drop some tables off, pick up a prescription, go by the store to get formula, and cook dinner, so it sounds like it will be a late night. I don't mind doing any of those items though, and Em and I will get time together in the car. I am however disappointed I won't have more time with Jude. I feel horrible for my ailing hubby, but also sit back and wonder about being a mom. It seems that since becoming a mother I cannot really take a sick day. Even while in the hospital in pre term labor my boss was calling, and my husband was calling about Em throwing up. Truly women.........do you ever notice this? Is this just me being difficult? Does it seem that as moms if you call into work because you feel like the gum on the bottom of the devils shoe that you still cannot rest? At some point during that day you know you are getting up to do something....admit it. It's actually rather comical. Someone is coming in to wake your butt up even if they are reviving you on the operating table, and you know it. Come on COMPLAIN with me........I cannot be positive all the time people! ha! I do adore my husband so I just had to laugh at the fact that he is a man, and sometimes being sick is overwhelming.


Mara said...

How true How true !!! Men are babies ! And we are super women ! You have every right to be tired and frustrated but don't say that Jude wont be normal. What is normal. I have three girls and while Kayden is too little to know right now- I can tell you that the other two are totally diferent from each other. Teresa likes to blend in and doesnt excell in school.Caitlin is an over achiver and loves to stand out- give her a stage and see what I mean ! I took them to payless and Caitlin wanted high heals and Teresa wanted low. So what is normal ?????? Jude is going to be exactly who he is destin to be and that will be NORMAL for him ! We are not cookie cutters and everyone of us is different- you have siblings. I have come to discover there is no such thing as normal. Cause what is "normal" for one family is not normal for another. So speaking for Jude- he is not abnormal..lol Everything he does and who he becomes is totally normal for him ! And our situations have become "normal" for us ! Dont compare him to anyone but himself. I know it is hard- I tend to do that with my kids. Celebrate his milestones he is doing great !! He is farther than Kayden and she is older. So pat him on the back and give him a hug and tell him he is doing great !
And anytime you want to compalin about husbands or work, I will be more than happy to complain with you ~ smile.

hugs ! ~M

Cjengo said...

Thanks Mara!! :). I guess I meant I realize there is a high possibility Jude will always be at home with us, which is wonderful, but I need to plan on the future too.

jocalyn said...

Oh girl! I could go on and on and on with this one today! I say everyday that I should have been the one that was 6 feet 5 (like my hubby) instead of 5 feet 1. Men are physically built the way we are mentally, and it is so so wrong! We are expected to carry car seats, move dog crates, work a full day, cook, clean, complete 15 loads of laundry, be physical therapists, therapists to our friends, take a bunch of crap from our bosses, all with a head ache and wearing heels!!! I can certainly give you empathy...just no encouragment today! Keep truckin! Tomorrow's a new day! (how's that?)