Tonight Emily went to spend the night with her cousin, and Jude and I curled up on the couch together. After his bottle, food, medications, and more Jude fell fast asleep in my arms. I then decided to approach uncharted territory and place him in his bassinet to sleep. By uncharted territory I mean I left the room to go watch a movie on TV. My living room is right next to my bedroom so I knew I would hear Jude if he should wake up and cry. Suddenly, without warning I heard a loud yelp, and my heart sank. I felt guilty, terrible, and concerned because Jude was seizing out of his normal time. I ran into the room, and scooped Jude into my arms, and then lay him out on the bed. I lay next to him until it the twitching, sobbing, and jerking stopped. He is now next to me, and here he will stay until I go to sleep too.
Mike and I both understand that Jude's failure to stop his seizures means they will try a new medication, at his follow up visit to the doctor on Monday. The medications that lay ahead for Jude are laced with possible side effects. Mike, and I talked again about whether to medicate or not. A lack of medication can cause an increase in seizures, which create a lack of development, which can create a failure to thrive. Then again the medications, as we have seen fail to work, and thus just create issues in themselves. Sometimes we search for answers in life, and are unsure where to find those answers. We have faith though that someday we will find what helps our Juders. Then again....maybe we won't...but we will still go on.
We miss Em tonight, but I know she is having fun with Faith. We were suppose to go to my aunts lakehouse tomorrow, but I am afraid we are not going to be able to go. The poor girl had to go see a family member in the hospital in Waco. I am hoping to spend the day cleaning up our yard.
Good night all.