Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I am computer challenged

It seems the older I get the more I realize I am not as technologically savvy as I used to be. I learned today from Google that if I would add particular ads to my blog they would pay me.......... if people visited their sites from clicking on an ad from my site. As modern day corporate sell out as that sounds i figured it was an innocent way to make money to pay our mounting medical bills. Plus, who clicks on those anyway.... so what harm could it cause?? I figured Google is trustworthy. Well technically challenged Jenn somehow changed the email and password on her blog, and still didn't add the ad so oh well...that's what I get...lol! Jude and I went into my work again for a bit today to try and solve a claims crisis my boss had. We didn't solve the issue, but we did find where it originated from.......I probably should not elaborate. Anyway, I was sitting in my office like I normally do when working regular hours, and Sarah was in her office hollering at me about something funny like she always does. It made me smile and I enjoyed it very much. I was leaving and she told me she missed me being there so I think she enjoyed the time too. She also held Jude for awhile, and he even opened his eyes for awhile for her, and she was amazed at how much he moves his head around. In fact when Mike put Jude on his stomach tonight Jude held his head up high looking around.......yet another milestone he is hitting. I also believe that his fussiness lately is being caused by two different issues. First, I believe he is going through a growth spurt, and two I believe he has some acid reflux. Emily had reflux so bad she was on prescription medicines. Jude's seems to be rather mild, and something easily handled by the mylanta the doctor told me to give him. how do I know he has this?? He acts like he is about to hiccup and you can hear that there is something in his throat and then he screams like crazy.
So I have walked every night like I told everyone on my blog I would. I am rather proud I have not skipped a night, but so far it isn't doing much. It has to be healthy for us though, and Jude seems to truly enjoy walking around. So as everyone knows I adore this little boy, and he really doesn't like being put down which I foresee as being an issue when I go back to work (staring blankly blinking). I have mentioned before that when I put Jude down it takes him a few minutes to realize I am not there, and then he does this strange arms up shaking issue like he thinks he is falling and screams. I am not sure if that's a baby thing, a Jude thing, or an issue from his brain. He seems so desperate though that I have to pick him up and soothe him. Tonight when I picked him up my daughter said, "well mom that's why he is fussy... because you pick him up". I replied "Well Em I am not going to let one of my babies cry like that...... I didn't let you". She paused and then replied "Yeah and look how I turned out". I heard Mike roar with laughter. I couldn't help, but laugh too... but I have a great daughter so she is being silly. She then said "Well I follow you everywhere mom cause I love you so much and he will too"...lol!
Anyway, so on a lighter note and more personal i threw out all the HUGE undies that are required after pregnancy tonight. No guys don't give me any crap about how your woman looked great during pregnancy and she still wore skimpy undies. I am talking right after you give birth you have about 4-6 weeks of wearing large, nasty, huge grannies. Just accept it guys that your woman will um..............shed issues after she has a baby (That's as politically correct as I could keep it). So therefore, you need large undies and you just didn't see them because she hid it well! lol. So I threw them OUT because my issues are done people! Now don't get me wrong pregnancy and birth is a miracle, but some of it's just blah and the sad thing is no one likes to tell you about that part so you are prepared.. :). Since I have been through this before I knew what was coming. So I was more prepared, and therefore can enjoy the baby more.
This is the first week Jude or I don't have any doctor appointments and it's greatness!!! I am still on my steroids, but that will go away soon. Plus, Jude is doing very well so far. I cannot lie that I don't still stare at him and wonder what the future holds. People tell me not to worry, but honestly I just cannot help it.
Oh and yesterday I said I would elaborate on the political issues facing our country. I will admit I am a bit politically uneducated to an extent. I can also tell you that I understand enough, and pay attention enough to know which important issues are being addressed. At this point in my life I truly believe that the president is simply a front man to a lot of dishonest, and power hungry people. So therefore, it doesn't really matter who is voted in because the people behind him will possibly veto anything positive he does, make the final decisions, and possibly even get rid of the president if they don't get their way. It's rather scary to me. I am not saying my train of thought is valid, but it is how I feel. Although I do like that we have our first woman running for a presidential position, our first African American who may obtain president is awesome, a former POW with the guts to run, and a woman that has a special needs child running. Whoever gets the office this time should stand to make a difference if they can get past those people in the background I talked about. Good luck to whoever wins!
Ok guys I am off to go spend some time with my hubby. By the way I have decided we will be going out for our anniversary. As stated before my cousin gave me a voucher for a hotel room with a wonderful breakfast included. So I just need to think of ways to make the night special. I ADORE this guy and we had a wonderful wedding. I want our anniversary to be special too!!!

Have a great night all and don't' take offense to my political opinions because I promise I respect all people's thoughts on the subject.

Monday, September 29, 2008

hola

I was able to get some sleep this morning and it was greatness. I fed Jude at 7 and slept until 9 when he ate again, and then slept until 12. So I feel pretty caught up, and he is such a cute baby. Granted he is a little more fussy than Emily was, but sometimes that just happens. He is currently sitting with Mike watching football while I update my blog. So I need to set my 6 week follow up with my OB within the next two weeks and I am rather amazed time has flown so quickly. I am enjoying my time home with Jude and given the choice I would stay here, but I miss my work too and it would be ideal if I could bring Jude there..lol. Seriously though it would be the perfect job! Jude is getting bigger and his head even looks bigger to me which makes me happy!!! I guess we will see, but still you can tell he is growing and the little toot just ate 5 ounces!!!!
So is anyone else sick of the election coverage? I will elaborate on this, but Jude is wanting my attention so we will talk more tomorrow.

Zzzzzzzzzzz

Jude slept from about 2:15 - 4:30 last night.....well this morning anyway.... and that's it. He has been up since then and just went back to sleep and it's 7. Not sure why he was up so much, but regardless good night I will see you in the morning! ha

Ps. The lack of sleep is causing me to talk funny lately and not make much sense So forgive me if I ever seem like I am ignoring you or anything...lol!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Sunday is FOOTBALL

Have I mentioned I liked the weekends? I honestly just have to refrain and let my hubby take over the baby for the weekend which he does to a point. He gets always wakes up early so he takes the baby and lets me sleep which is fabulous! So I get up at the 2:30 feeding, and then he gets up with him early in the morning. Considering Jude did not want to sleep last night it was a great thing that Mike took him this am. Oh and Luane is funny! Those are the bear ears I have a picture of below the professional ones. He allowed those......lol! Although after our hours and hours of pictures, waiting, printing, etc on Friday night Mike commented "Man look how much has my life has changed in the last few years that we just had a blow out party at Kiddie kandids on a Friday night. Yep we are PARTY ANIMALS now people!" Speaking of parties I pretty much have Emily's party planned. I was able to get the mad scientist people I wanted which fits with the Halloween theme she wanted!! hooray. My cousin is making a brain cake, and I am making a haunted house cake. So her big 10 party should be a blast!
So remember I was talking about losing the weight? Well .......... so I cannot really fit into my size 6 ....... anything. So right now I am in sweats that I got from Ny and Company (which I love that store) and they are pretty cute! I got some adorable sets and I pretty much alternate them, and wear them right now since I am just 3 weeks post baby. I only have 3 sets though so I decided to stop at Khols on my way home from the doctor last week and look for more. Seeing that we are trying to save money I thought Khols would be the optimal choice since they have incredible sales. I went in and looked in the women's section and couldn't find anything I liked. Since I normally shop in the juniors section I went over there to hunt through their sale racks. Juniors in their store doesn't mean much in fact there should just have a sign over that dept that reads " same sizes just more for people that don't want to flowery grandma looking tops". Anyway so I finally found some CUTE yoga pants! I figured large would work since the mediums worked from Ny and Co. So I went ahead and got them since I had the baby, and didn't want to maneuver in to the dressing room. Remember my rant when I was still pregnant about falling over trying to put pants on? Seems that is still the case post pregnancy and the pants may be shredded from my anger under my bed......... lol! jk. I put one leg in and you know that feeling where your leg stops so you wriggle and wriggle determined to get it in anyway? Then success BOTH my legs are in so I pulled up the pants up.......but then it seems ass was hanging out because all the material is over my legs. So I took the cute orange yoga pants off and my husband walked in just as I was cursing them and throwing them on the ground.
I always laugh in the movies and tv shows when you see the woman all perfect with her make up on, hair fixed, and a size 2 right after giving birth. One of my favorite movies is Gone With The Wind, but who else just loves the part where mammy is measuring her 19 inch waist telling her she won't be an 18 again because she had a baby, and this is just 2 weeks post baby??? WHAT????????? Therefore, Scarlett decides to cut the handsome Rhett off from sex (what the heck is that about anyway? Who would want Ashley over Rhett?). Vivein Leigh (Scarlett) had a 17 inch waist in real life. Want an idea of how tiny that is? Go put your hands around your husbands neck.......yes you have to let go.........anyway most men have about a 17 inch neck. So in other words she was WAY to skinny. Of course she was also very tiny, but still 17 inches is hard to process. One of her dresses from the movie is on display in Vegas at Planet Hollywood if you get a out there be sure to stop by and see it. Jude and I have been walking EVERY night though and I am very proud of myself. I am enjoying it too. I used to walk with my grandfather every night, and I learned how to take everything in and appreciate the sights, smells, and sounds of being outdoors. Right now is perfect to walk too because it isn't to hot or cold. We have walking paths in our neighborhoods and that makes it very easy. We are probably walking a mile or two each day. I cannot go to far because Jude gets a bit fussy after awhile. I like to walk at about 6pm and that can be an issue because I am getting Emily taken care of too. I guess eventually everything falls into place.
Oh I do have a funny story from last night though. Mike and I were in the TV room on the couch, and had all the lights off with Jude was on his boppy in the middle of us. We were watching a taped episode of Entourage and both of us were very into it when Mike looked over and said "Where's my baby?" then he giggled. All we could see was Jude's hair sticking out of the boppy because he had slid down the middle. Then to top off funny stuff yours personally decided to slip down the stairs last night......note to self do not wear socks and walk down the stairs.

So Jude is a bit fussy this morning so I gave him a bath, and a massage to try to relieve any gas. He felt a little warm to me too and was in a onsie so I will keep an eye on him. I think he is ok though and the bath seemed to cool him down some. So yesterday we were at Emilys game, and we saw a little girl who had some serious issues. She was in a wheelchair, and really could not function on her own. You can tell her parents dress her, bath her, change her diapers, etc everyday. It's not that I would do that for Jude, and love him with all my heart. It is however that I pray that is not the case for him. I want him to have independence, and have a normal life to some point. It sucks waiting! I am waiting patiently to see Jude smile because that is really the last milestone we need to hit before 3 months.
I guess I better go finish my laundry. My cat has an affinity for fluffy clothes and when I do laundry she sleeps on them to get them dirty again. I have about ten towels folded in a chair right now and I get she thinks she is the princess in the pea because she is sleeping on top of the stack.

Ps. Go Cowboys!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Updates

After her softball game Em went with her aunt for a special night on the town, her cousin joined them too. So I guess it's a girls night out, and they are all having a great time. So since she is having fun.......I am going to take a nap :). I will update when I get up. Until that time here are some pics I just love!

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Thursday, September 25, 2008

Thursday late night

I guess I am making up for the lack of blogging because I am in the mood to write again. Tonight was a nice night and I feel a bit normal. Like I said I ran all day long, but Emily had gymnastics and therefore Jude's dad watched him while I took her. I took my lap top and waited for her in the lobby. I still had to come home and make sure everyone was fed, clothed, bathed, etc but I got some me time. Mike even watched Jude while I took a long bath while listening to my music which is HEAVEN to me! Anyone that knows me knows I LOVE LOVE my baths with music playing. The good news is that Jude seems to be doing better since he got the mylanta. I think maybe it settled his tummy a bit. He is sleeping on the boppy next to me right now and his tiny little foot keeps twitching at me from under the blanket. Within the last 4 hours he has eaten 8 ounces.........so mommy is wondering if he won't sleep through the night tonight. So at gymnastics Emily ran into one of her old friends from her old school and she was SO excited...so was the other girl. They hugged, gossiped (ha), and held hands out to the car. So we checked into getting them in the same class which will make Emily very happy! Also, Em's friend Madison might be moving to her school which just thrills me. I really like her and her mom and they will make a great addition to this area. Her mom could come join me for a glass of wine at night too...lol!
Jude has his second PKU tomorrow. I am confused as to why they have to have TWO Pku's now?? Poor baby has to have his foot stuck. While feeding Jude tonight I noticed that he was having some odd twitching something unlike baby movements. I am hoping it's nothing, and will continue to think positive regardless though it is something I noticed. Emily signed up for a leadership club at her school and she had to fill out a survey on why they should pick her to be a member. One of the questions was, "What would you do to improve your school?". Emily wrote a paragraph regarding special needs children and that they should be treated as equals. Then today she was talking to me again about special needs kids, and said that she thinks they should be challenged more. She said that maybe Jude is here because she should learn from him, and create new programs for other kids. Wow, she is a sweet little girl and her sensitivity amazes me sometimes. The whole conversation made me reflect on our lives for the past year. I personally think Jude will look and act normal. I think he may have some ticks or issues, but goodness knows we love this little boy, and his sister loves him dearly.
On another note my anniversary is coming up in October!!! My sweet cousin offered to give us a hotel room certificate she has, and it just happens to be at the hotel we stayed at after our wedding. On top of that she offered to watch Jude in exchange for watching her kids 1 weekend. She has great kids to that sounded like a deal to me. She and Jude seem to have a connection too, and I know she would be WONDERFUL with him!!! Of course, it will be really hard for me to leave him for even 1 night, BUT has been a long hard year on my husband and I so we could use 1 night together. Also, my cousin will be understanding of my calls asking if he is ok. Then again this room may just consist of us going to bed at ten and sleeping until noon..........jk..........hopefully. lol! Have a great night.

Ok now my husband is watching a show on kids with tourets and is crying which I never see from him. I am going to go. Love to all

Sigh

Well the baby is being fussy because he has issues with poopie pants...ugh! So we took a quick trip to the pediatrician today. Good news is he has gained weight and now weighs 8lbs and 4 ounces. His head is measuring 13 1/4 which means it has grown from birth which is good. I told him the neurosurgeon said he is only in the tenth percintile on his head. He looked at me and said "so what! So am I!" That's why I love this guy! So he then proceeded to tell me that it's really the trend of head growth not growth each time you go in. In other words you cannot place an exact measurement they should grow with each week. Also, I had forgotten to mention that I had talked to Dr graham who I just adore. He said to make sure I update him as Jude grows on his development so he can properly advise other families who ever deal with issues like this. Turns out my cousin has a friend who has a son with very similar issues. I believe she said he is 8 and he deals with some issues like anxiety, terets, etc. All manageable issues though, and he has full use of his motor skills. From further investigation the fornt of the brain seems to control your motor skills, and the back (where Jude's issues are) will control learning, etc. So it is just a waiting game. Anyway, as far as his poopie pants are concerned the dr put him on some mylanta to ease his little tummy, and said to feed him through this. I honestly think he picked up a little bug from Emily. He said the soy that he is eating is good for him though because lactose is hard to digest when you are sick to your tummy. Sad thing is I was doing that "am I just being a worried mommy" thing and thought he didn't have any issues at all. It should be something easy to clear up though, and the Dr even said he lookes GREAT!!! He said as long as a baby is eating a little diarreah is no big deal. So Em is being scolded to go do her chores. She is doing better, but I honestly from signs think the girl is about to hit a particular milestone in a womans life......SIGH! What's that about???? We were all much older and why are girls starting earlier now? Milk? chicken? I guess there are opinions everywhere. Explains the outbursts though, and I am sure having a little cuddly creature come into your life when you have been the only cuddly thing can be very trying.

So I am dieting my little butt off and well there seems to be a consiperacy against this post prego girl! (Staring blankly and blinking!). I remind myself it's only been three weeks like the Sarah's say IT'S BEEN THREE WEEKS GIRL! lol. Yeah, but what about those women who walk out a 2 when they just had a baby??? One girl on my board lost 34 pounds by her first OB appt. Really? I want to get those women in a room one day..............with a bat. jk! So anyway, I digress it seems that I am a true mom with motherly instincts because I knew there was something bothering Jude. He just didn't feel well and he is normally not very fussy. He is now playing happily under his Einstein mat so it seems the Mylanta made his little tummy feel better.

Oh I watched a story on Oprah yesterday about a woman that had a C-Section and caught a flesh eating bacteria. She ended up losing her uterus, ovaries, both legs, both arms, etc. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot imagine! She is the epitomy of bravery though and I find her such an inspiration! I cannot imagine not holding my baby and loving him everyday. I cannot imagine not getting up and fixing Emily's hair everyday. She had a 9 year old girl, and a new baby too. So I guess people look within themselves when faced with adversity and reach down as far as they can and find their strength. We should all look around though regardless of our current issues, and be thankful for everything we have!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Hello

I have not had time to update because the below baby has been a pretty fussy lately so I will update tomorrow after the blood dr. He is sure cute though! :)

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Monday, September 22, 2008

Random Monday

It took me awhile to update today because Jude decided to stay up some last night, I slept this morning with him, went into work, and cleaned the house. So I was a busy bee today. My husband came home and looked around then said, "I must find a way to keep you at home" ha ha! That won't happen, but it was nice to hear. I am currently getting ready for the premier of Heroes and I am super excited! My cousin and Sarah M saw my hair today, and seeing how they are the two most honest people I know I think it must look good.. :). They both said they really liked it and that makes me happy. So Jude is mister fussy pants a bit lately which Mike said the reason for that is because I hold him a lot. I think it's important for babies to be held and to feel close to their family. Tonight while I was feeding him I was looking into his eyes and thought "what's behind those eyes, what can you see?, what are you thinking about?". I guess I go into deep thought with him a lot. I also read the 1 month milestones, and Jude isn't even three weeks and is reaching all of the ones listed. So I am thrilled with his progress so far. In addition to that I compared his picture with a new one of Emily I found when she was 3 weeks old. I did this because I was concerned about his little held. Honestly, they are just the spitting image of each other even the head, and I had to remind myself that Emily was TWO weeks late when Jude was TWO weeks early! Despite what I think, research, or believe life will be what it will be and I will deal. Like I said I went into work today (just to get some papers), and I am lucky that I have a job that I really like, but that doesn't mean I won't miss Jude when I go back. During my time off I have planned Emilys big tenth birthday party. At her request we are having a Halloween costume party, and she handed invites out today. I also mailed several invites off, and will let family members know by email of the date and time. Anyway, we have already gotten two denials from kids who's parents don't let them celebrate anything to do with Halloween. Which I believe in letting people believe in what they want to, and teach what they want to. From one though that wasn't allowed to celebrate the holiday either.......including dressing up and such ...... I have first hand experience at this. Its probably the reason why I still dress up every single Halloween, but I understand my parents reasoning to a point. I just am one that believes that if you want to follow this rule then to just to not let your child dress up scary, but let them participate. I personally believe that life itself is what you teach your child it is. They should have respect, know right from wrong, respect their elders, and be an all around good person. If you teach them these values then they will apply them to the proper places in life as they present themselves including Halloween. Also, Halloween was originated with the Druids (they didn't know any better), but really took off when the Christians made it All hallows eve which was the day prior to the Day of all Saints. So like I said it is what you make it. In this case it's a little kid having a bday party with some costumes and candy. I understand people's beliefs though and respect them, and this world would be really boring if we were all the same and believed the same! So there is my schpeel for the night, and I know I will get criticized some, but oh well.
Oh and I love my husband very much, but why is it men just expect you to watch the baby while they escape to their caves (ie ~ the tv room?). Why is it we women aren't expected to bath alone, watch tv alone, or crap have alone time??? I mean really!!!!!!!!! I mean they even get breaks at work don't they??? These men I swear :)

Mr. fussy britches in his sling so mommy can have some puter time:
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Sunday, September 21, 2008

Weekend Update

I am currently watching the Cowboys beat Green Bay and that makes me HAPPY! Let's hope they continue to do so which I believe they will! Anyway, I am very sad Travis Barker was in a plane crash...what a tragedy! He will be ok they say...... he is my favorite drummer, and I had to run and tell Mike when I heard the news. So my dad and Kay stopped by tonight, and they were playing with Jude when I looked over and realized his head still looks tiny to me. I have every confidence he will be ok, but again I cannot help but wonder because of the images the medical staff stuck in my head. Jude is in the 10th percentile on his head right now which I believe is still ok. Well that's what the neurosurgeon said, but the pediatrician said he is in the 25th percentile. My understanding is that as long as he is not under 1 percent he is ok. I have researched microcephaly prior to his delivery, and that's what I had read. I know that there are children that are diagnosed with this issue who are still fine and live normal lives. Then there are children that are diagnosed that aren't so lucky. I know their faces continue to grow, but their skulls do not and therefore they have a small head. They generally have a receding forehead and wrinkled scalps too. I look at Jude and think he is perfect!!! I am his mom though and reality sets in that if he does have issues everyone else won't think he is perfect which could create problems for him later in life. I guess if there is something wrong we will just teach him to have the best self esteem possible, to never give up, and to always push himself to go as hard as he can. Emily and Mike adore Jude too so he has a very loving family. Now I am not a person that believes speaking about something makes it true. I believe it is just my way of sorting emotions, thoughts, and issues out so I don't bottle up my feelings. I BELIEVE he is normal and he is beautiful....which he is! Like I have said in previous blogs when Em was born she weight 7lbs 13 ounces and had a 13 inch head. He is currently 8 lbs (with clothes on) and has over a 13 inch head so I think he is normal. We know he has some issues..........WE KNOW that there is no denying it so basically it's just waiting. Have I mentioned I hate waiting?? I take the backroads because I hate traffic! I hate lines, I hate being on hold, just grrr. Maybe this is Gods way of teaching me patience. So I go on with life everyday and I LOVE LOVE being here with my son. I love holding him, singing to him, feeding him, and loving him. I love watching Emily with him too. Yet I struggle with thoughts that enter my head at odd times and in odd places. I struggle with not knowing up front what the future holds for us........but I guess no one knows. There are parents who think everything is perfect with their babies, and at 6 months realize their child just isn't sitting or smiling like others do. Then they proceed down the rocky path we have already been through, and have hence packed hiking shoes for. I guess one can always question what is fair in life, but there really aren't any answers to that question. I lost my mother, lost a boyfriend, and went through many other tribulations in my lifetime. I would think I could catch a break, but maybe there is a reason this happened. Maybe it was to make this blog, maybe it was to educate a medical community about emotions, or maybe it was just to love a little boy and girl with all my heart despite what lies ahead. I would like to post on here that I don't struggle with my feelings, and I am 100% confident. I am afraid I can't though, and I have to admit that I do cry sometimes and still wonder. I guess that's normal though. Well I have laid Em's clothes out for tomorrow, the baby is dressed for bed, and I need a bath! Talk to you tomorrow
Also, I am wanting to get away for awhile. We really cannot do much because of me staying home, bills, etc. Em has a trip with her school and we are thinking we may follow behind. I think it will be a good thing for us. We have family in that area and I am sure we can stay with them.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I escaped

I escaped from my cage today because Mike took me out, and it was NICE. We didn't just go out we had a DAY out! First, off Emily had a softball game so we went and even took Jude. I tried to dress him in his baseball outfit, but he is still to tiny for it. Then we went home to eat, rest, and change. We then left and went to Target (to spend a gift card), by Mike's mom, and then he took me for sushi!!! It was the most eventful day I have had in awhile, and I got to spend it with my two guys (Em was with her daddy). Mike was worried about taking the baby in a restaurant, but I assured him he would be fine. He slept through the entire meal and was a wonderful baby. Mike and I chatted through our sushi about Jude's possible future issues or the lack there of. We discussed how he may just be very brilliant, and regardless of which way he turns we will love him dearly. Mike told me how beautiful he thinks I am (smile), and how proud of his little boy he is. Then he said that he has wanted a baby for so long, and how lucky he is because he got two a boy and a girl. He loves Emily very much and that makes me happy. We then chatted about how we wished I had never gone for that fateful level 2 sonogram that led to our months of stress. I said "honestly if this was Emily we STILL wouldn't know there were any issues at all if there were we wouldn't have noticed until she acted different". While we were at Mike's moms house I began to realize that in a few weeks Jude will be coming to her house on a daily basis to drop Jude off while I work. I felt myself growing sad because I realized I will have to leave my son. I began to scan Mike's moms aged face and body wondering if her age will create issues with the baby. What if she fell? What if she tripped? Then I realized that there is really nothing that can pry that baby from her hands. I still would be at home though if we could afford it. It makes you wish at times that things were still how they were when the dads went to work and the moms stayed home. Plus now we have medical bills, but you know what?? I am not that worried about it because things always have a way of working out. Anyway, Jude was passed around his moms when neighbors, etc showed up to see him, but it was sweet. A lady even brought me a sling which I really needed because Jude likes to be held all the time which limits my cleaning time. Mike mentioned at dinner tonight how we were an old married couple now. I assured him that wasn't the case, and how this time around I will merge everything well. With Em I was a first time mom and I neglected myself, my husband, etc. This time I will love my baby, love myself, and my husband! I will still allow myself to look good, go out, pay attention to my husband, and love my baby as much as I can. I think this is vital because a marriage can suffer if you don't pay attention to it. I can tell you that the older I get the more appreciative I am of my life as a whole, the more confident I am in myself as a person, and the more love I have to give. I am very proud of my beautiful daughter, and son regardless of any issues!
By the way did I mention I dyed my hair brown??? UM yeah! I have never had my hair anything but blonde!!!! I will post a pic, but it is a bit fuzzy and I am a bit pudgy in it. My poor hubby keeps hearing me gripe about my weight, but I am confident it will all come off. What do you think of the hair?
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Thursday, September 18, 2008

Updates

My platelets are at 197,000!!! HOORAY! So it was for sure pregnancy induced ITP and it's resolving. This is a relief as we no longer have to think about it being from another underlying source. Jude's neuro appt went as well as expected. The doctor said they are holding off until 3 months to do his MRI, but did assure us it had to be done. He also reviewed the sonogram sent form the hospital, and he said he doesn't really agree with their findings. He said he sees both hemispheres of the brain so it wouldn't be the horrible diagnosis the radiologist gave us. He said there may be fluid filling in the back of the brain, but that he doesn't see it. He said he is used to reviewing Mri's though. He said again that this is basically a waiting game of seeing if Jude hits his milestones. Currently, he is acting like a normal baby and therefore we know he has his basic abilities so it's the cognitive abilities that we will be watching for. Once Jude hits a milestone that's a little further we get in his progress, unless he reaches one and then loses it (which is worse than not reaching it). I explained that we were given a horrible outlook when he was in utero at 19 weeks and told he would be in a wheelchair, etc. He said that is doubtful, but we won't really know until he is of walking age. He said " can I assure you that he will have a normal life? No. He very well may have a normal life though... now will he go to Harvard? We cannot tell that either". So basically they just don't know, but they will watch his growing patterns.
Anyway, I have been running 90 to nothing the past two days, and am exhausted but happy. I have to finish up some renewal calls for work, and I am determined to find the time to do that today or this weekend. Jude is currently watching Barney and very interested in it...lol!

Damn Vampires!

Well I have an issue with people taking my blood all the time so therefore I am about to invest in a necklace of garlic! I had to go give blood again today, and they were suppose to call me with the platelet count, but as of right now at 5:55 I have not heard from them. I am thinking it's safe to assume it will be tomorrow when they call. One would assume this means good news, but as proven in the hospital when I didn't find out until after the epi this is not always true. I am feeling pretty good though, and even got a great compliment today! The lady told me "Goodness I cannot believe how good you look after 2 weeks I still looked 6 months pregnant then". Yeah well I told her to wait until I stood up. I am actually ok with myself though, and my stomach is flatenning out! I just have about 40 pounds I want to lose and I want to be back to a size 6 (I am currently staring blankly at you blinking). Anyway, Jude has his neurosurgeon appointment tomorrow and for some reason I am very nervous about it!!! It is kinda making me a little sick feeling, and I am very glad Mike is going with us. I stopped by Gymboree today and got Em and Jude little outfits to wear for pictures. I took no note of Mikes no "ear" hats rule and bought him a little bear hat to match his overalls. I got rather discouraged when the 0-3 hat was to big for him and bought the "up to 7lbs" hat. I started worrying that maybe he does have a bit of microcephaly.......I cannot help these thoughts. When I got him home though I tried the hat on and it is probably starting to get a little small so I feel more relieved. Jude looks like he is trying to smile at you, but he doesn't have that control yet so his eyes just get kinda squinty it's pretty cute! Today I felt a bit overwhelmed for the first time, but that's to be expected with having a new baby. Jude gets up about 11 or 12, then at 2 or 3 and then again about 5:45 or 6. It takes him about an hour to finish eating, getting changed, and going back to sleep. So I sleep in the morning when he does which means we normally get up about 10. Which doesn't leave a lot of time for household chores, work, doctor appointments, baths, and laundry. So I HAD to do some renewal calls for work today, Jude needed a bath, and I had to get to the dctr appt. I had to get my tail home by 3 for Emily which was a race with the school bus. I actually pulled in behind the school bus, and could see her waving at me. So after the dctr I was stressed and that's why we went to Gymboree! Right now his big sister is finishing feeding him so I can have some me time :). Em is getting the hang of this baby thing and she is really good at it. Also currently our jack russell terrorists are fighting outside and they are about to get a wake up call..lol! So what a day! Oh and it's not over Em has gymnastics tonight, and somehow I still need to make it to the grocery store. What in the world am I going to do when I go back to work in November? (again staring at you blankly!!!) Everyone have a fabulous night, and say a few prayers for Jude's appointment tomorrow please.

My mom tortures me with hats!
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Jude and his big sis

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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I have a winky blog

Jude had an appointment with the pedi today. He now has the same statistics that match EXACTLY to what Emily did when she was born, and keep in mind his official due date was this past Sunday. He is 7lbs 13 ounces, 20 1/2 inches long, and has a 13 inch head. So in other words he would have pretty much matched his sister if he had been term. Anyway, the doctor said he is in the 25th percentile on everything which is great to hear. He also said he seemed very alert, and also seemed to be reaching his milestones. We will pray that will continue to be what we hear. The neurosurgeon had said before that this will basically be equivalent to someone that was in a car wreck. In other words we just need to wait and see how his brain will compensate and if there will be any issues. Little Jude also got his first shot and he was NOT happy at all......I held him close afterwards though and he quieted down. Poor little thing. Mike tells me I hold him too much, but I love to hold him. On a funny note Jude um discovered his winky today, and his dad was VERY proud....lol!!!!! I guess they find it at two weeks and never let go huh?

Anyway, Emily mentioned today that she doesn't really play with a lot of kids at recess which has me concerned again. I know that I should just have confidence that she will be just fine at this school, but part of me wants to put her back at LV. Just ugh.

This car seat makes him look like he has elephant ears.
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What did you say??
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Em
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Monday, September 15, 2008

Monday

Well Jude seems to be better, and is eating a lot more. He also woke me up ohhhhhh pretty much every hour last night..lol. Well at least I didn't see 2am just all other hours! ha. So we slept in a bit this morning after I got Em off on the school bus. Em is being MUCH better by the way. I think she needed some Mommy Emmy time. She even told me this morning she needed to go to bed a bit earlier tonight. We are having fun planning her bday party together too.
Well Jude has a pedi appt in the morning, and then has a neurosurgeon appt Friday. I will update the site as soon as I can after the appts.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Sunday Night

Well Jude has me a bit concerned for the first time, but it could really be nothing. It could just be my nerves and lack of sleep. He slept A LOT today and really only woke up looking for food twice. The other times he ate it was only about an ounce and we had to wake him up. Now tonight he seems to be losing most of his milk out of the left side of his mouth. He also threw up after one feeding so I am a bit concerned. He is still having wet diapers though, and around 10 am he had 3 dirty diapers in a row. He is laying under his mat right now pretty alert, and isn't crying so I am just watching him. We have a dr appt Tuesday for him so I will keep my eye on him. If anything continues or gets worse I will call the dr. His soft spot is still sunken and none of the bones on his skull have shifted so I don't think it's his head. If anything maybe he has an upset tummy? Stinks that we always have to wonder...."well maybe he won't be able to eat right", "maybe the pressure in his head is increasing", etc. We have been using a soy formula in addition to the breast milk which is running even more sparse. I tried some enfamil tonight which had a milk base and that could account for him throwing up too. Em couldn't handle milk base, and very well could be he cannot either. Em was hard to feed anything from breast milk to formula.
Today was a nice day though. Mike got up with Jude last night around 2. I took the other shifts and then he took him this morning so I could sleep and I felt SO much better. Also, my aunt had sent me a basket of food and it had a lot of pears in it. The pears were going bad and I had some bananas going bad so I went on a cooking binge. Em helped me make pear bread, pear pie, and banana nut bread. All of which turned out wonderful, and Em had a great time helping me. Well all except doing the dishes which hacked her off..lol. She went to the grocery store with me before we cooked and she pushed Jude in 1 cart while I had the grocery cart. I think she had a lot of fun with that. She loves holding him, and just being involved with him. She was wonderful today by the way and is really such a big help!!!
Here are some more pics.
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Saturday, September 13, 2008

First bath

Well Jude got his first bath today, and he didn't like it. It was cute though because he got as mad as can be when I put him down in the water. He was very cute in his little duck towel though, and he loves his lotion! You could probably massage him all day with lotion and he would be a happy camper. When he got out of the bath his hair was super curly, and when it dried it was not a very light brown. It was also very fuzzy and stuck up everywhere which was hilarious! He was mimicking me today when I started making little sounds at him which was also very cute!!! Emily helped me give Jude his bath, and she is such a big helper. So I am personally doing pretty well, but I do feel like people are watching me wondering if I will get post partum. I had it pretty bad with Emily, but so far I feel great with Jude. I get a little teary sometimes, but that is really just due to being exhausted. You can tell the days I have had no sleep the prior night. My only issue right now is a rash on my stomach which very well could be a reaction to the tapering of the steroids......who knows but it isn't really bothering me at all. I am still recovering and I have to rest, but I know that this time. Since this is my second baby I do things slower, let chores go if I need to, and don't get overly stressed if things don't go as planned. I am having issues pumping which I never had with Emily, but he gets fed so I don't freak out. The only thing I get a little stressed on is my looks and weight, but even then I know it will all come back. My cousin arranged for me to get a sewing machine and I am determined to start sewing next week!! I am also going to start doing some calls for work from home, but I am taking that slow as well because Jude comes first. Well I will post some pictures soon.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Friday

My family left this morning and Jude and I went back to sleep together until 10:30. I think I really needed the sleep and I feel more revived. Now I am just waiting on the plumber to come by, and then I am taking a bath. Jude is being good again today, but he is generally a good baby. Mike and I looked up baby milestones last night, and he seems to be meeting all his newborn ones. So therefore, I feel a bit better then I did last night. I am ready for Em to be home today so we can spend some time together. She is is still a little cranky and even texted me this morning asking if I was mad at her. Which of course I am not, and I think I have come to the conclusion she is going through some pre puberty stuff. I am in the process of planning her big 10 bday party! Her cousin brought her some signs and cards made by her old classmates at her old school and it made her day!!! I think she really misses her friends. It was such a big decision to move her to the school over here, and I guess maybe it was the wrong one. Then again she didn't like the teacher she was getting at the other one so there is never any right or wrong answer. So I was watching Deal or no Deal last night and I have decided I need to be on the show so I can make the money to pay off my bills from all this...lol! I seem to guess pretty well at the numbers. ha! Anyway, so i feel a little better today, and am in a better mood. I miss my family, but I love this lil boy laying here grunting in his bassinet!

Oh and what about this monster hurricane heading towards Tx? whoa! Everyone be careful.

Here is a picture of my BAD fat kitty who has taken over 1 of the baby changers! I guess it's his now.
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Thursday, September 11, 2008

Thursday

I went to the platelet doctor today and the good news is my platelets went to 148,000! So she truly believes this was pregnancy induced ITP. To give you an idea of how unusual this is Jude's pediatrician found out I had ITP and said "You are kidding me! In 20 years I have had 2 cases!". So she basically said it will take about 7 weeks to wean me off the steroids....which sucks because I am tired of sweating (shoo). The good news is that they have lowered my dose which let's me sleep easier. The meds let me sleep..........now Jude on the other hand.....lol. No really he is a great baby and is a good little boy. So as long as the platelets stay level or keep going up I am great. If the lower again I am on meds for like 6 months she said. I believe they will just keep going up. My family leaves tomorrow and I am a little emotional over that. It's been great having my aunt here because she is a huge help! It makes me miss being able to have my mom around. She is a great mom to my cousins, and I know my mom would be great too if she were here. Anyway, Jude had a lot of wakey time tonight and even sat in his swing for about thirty minutes awake just playing... it was pretty cute. For the first time I guess the lack of hormones are affecting me tonight because my tears are kinda flowing today. I am tired, I worry about Jude, I worry about Em, I am still huge, I am having a bit of a problem pumping, etc. I am happy so don't get me wrong, and am so excited about the baby. I am just a little overwhelmed I guess. I talked to Dr graham today about the sonogram report they issued at the hospital that I spoke of in a previous blog. He said the report actually read incorrectly which is a relief because my understanding of holoenchephaly (sp?) is rather a devastating diagnosis. He said children in utero that have that diagnosis have a brain that look like the shape of a light bulb and that is not Jude's case. He did say however that the large space of fluid mentioned in the report is what Dr Twickle was concerned about and that it is a malformation of the brain. The good thing is that from what he can see that he has all the "thinking" parts of the brain. So he said even with the MRI there just really isn't anyway to tell until Jude starts reaching/or not reaching milestones. He said Jude is still a rather remarkable case and he would like us to update him on Jude's progress so he can properly advise others in this circumstance. It's suddenly very stressful though for me to look at Jude and wonder what his future holds. I guess we do that with any of our children, but to know that there is an issue creates a internal struggle for me. No matter what I love Jude with all my heart and will take him as far as he can go in life. We all want the best for our children though, and I don't want him to have to eat from a bottle his whole life, etc. Honestly, Jude already holds his head off my shoulder for a few minutes, he turns to my voice, stares at lights, etc. I personally think he is very normal! The doctor explained that the sonogram just won't tell them if the "wiring" is correct only the MRI will. Which makes me a bit paranoid with him, and his health so I am always checking him. I am currently looking at my tiny baby in his daddy's arms and he is SUCH a pretty baby!!!! So anyway, the other teary eye issue is that Em is still a bit sassy and I just want her to be ok. I took her to gymnastics for the first time tonight, and she seems to really love it! So we went ahead and signed her up for weekly lessons. She had to come home, and show off her hurkey (which needs some work..lol!)
I also feel so GROSS, and that is pretty normal when you just have a baby. You would think the weight just goes away, but it doesn't. Your uterus basically has to contract itself back down, your hormones are SO out of wack, your hair is messed up, you smell, just ick. Post pregnancy is not glamorous like some movies portray. Call up a female movie star that's honest and they will tell you it's kinda gross! Being pregnant, and even birth is miraculous, but after it's just blah! lol! The fun part though is holding the tiny little precious baby. He is my pretty son, and I am so proud of him!!!!! So long story short I am rather emotional today. My husband is making a career change too which in the long run will be great for him. I am proud of what he is looking to accomplish. Speaking of work that's another stress factor because if I could afford it I would stay with Jude full time. I love my job, but I love my children more. It's unfortunate, but we cannot afford for me to stay home yet, but I do have an AWESOME and flexible job. I have some CUTE pics of Jude on Em's camera and will be picking up the CD soon. Also, I have some great pics of Em, and it turns out my lil kiddo has an eye for photography!!!! I will post them as soon as I can.
So thanks for bearing with my rambling. I remind myself that I have a beautiful daughter, a beautiful son, and a great husband! I guess it's healthy to want to feel normal again though. Well I am off to shower and hold my gorgeous baby!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Wednesday ~ dr appt day

We had our follow up appointment with Dr moser today. My aunt with me and she was the biggest help with the baby. So far she said everything looks good, and they will check my platelet level tomorrow. She looked at the back of my leg where I have had some severe pain. I think I just had a really bad cramp in delivery, but she said she would watch it for a blood clot. I highly doubt that would be the case though. I feel much better today than I did yesterday, and that could be because I finally got some good sleep. I also stopped on my way home and picked up some cute sweats at Ny and Company. It makes me feel better to have non maternity clothes on. I have lost 20 lbs so far, but I still have a long way to go. I know that a lot of my weight is due to the steroids which cause water retention and weight gain...ugh! As long as my platelet count is up I can continue to taper down on the steroids. The baby is doing very well today and looks very cute in his little white pooh outfit. He is such a good baby, and is so very cute! I pray pray pray that he will get to live a normal life. I want him to be able to ride a tricycle, hug his bears, learn his ABC's, and read Brown Bear Brown Bear. So tomorrow we go to get the platelet levels, Friday we go to get Jude's PKU, and Friday my family leaves :(. Emily has truly enjoyed having my family here especially my aunt. My aunt normally stays with my cousin of course because that's my cousins mom. Since my mom passed when I was young she came to help me out with the baby. I feel pretty close to all of them and am lucky to have them around. My aunt took Em shopping for her bday yesterday, and I think she really thought that was a HUGE treat!!! That's something she normally only does with me so it was a different experience. Well Jude is in his swing and just got over a case of the hiccups. I am off to go pump some bottles for Jude..........just call me El Mama Vaca!

Peek a boo mommy
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I am all dressed up in Pooh!
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Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Tuesday

Well I was going to post last night about how wonderful I am feeling. I am glad I didn't because I am pretty sure I got hit by a mac truck today. If anyone was able to obtain the license plate please let me know. Whew, I am drained! I am still much better than I was when I gave birth to Em. I was just lifeless after I had her. The good thing is that Jude is a great baby! Today was his first day when he would get very angry for some reason whether it is eating or wanting to be changed. He is gaining weight for sure, and still looks so healthy to me. I guess no matter what though he will always be normal to us. My family is still here, and they are going with me to the doctor appointments that riddle the rest of the week. It has been nice having help here for sure! It's hard to get the time or energy to do the laundry, dishes, etc and so to have some here that does that kind of work is great!! It's also nice that everyone doesn't try to take the baby from me, because a lot of people who give birth have family that comes to stay who just want to play with the baby. Well the mom wants the baby...lol! The mom needs help cleaning, cooking, etc and help with the lil one. So I am lucky I have a family that understands that. Overall I have felt pretty good. The back of my left leg was hurting REALLY bad so I am pretty sure that is from the birth. Em is doing much better today, and my aunt took her shopping for her birthday. My grandmother is currently feeding Jude and he is being pretty cute. I missed Mike today, and for the first time felt like I was getting a little bit of the blues. I think it's just because I am so close to him that when he isn't around during this time of our lives I feel a little down. I really think it's just because I am super tired though. Well everyone have a fabulous day!!!!!!!!!

Monday, September 8, 2008

Monday

Well today is Mike's last day home with us, and I will be sad to see him go back to work. He is such a big help with the baby because he takes him in the morning and let's me sleep. Jude did pretty well last night because he was up about every 3 hours which is better than the night before. My family is here now, and it's great to see them. It means a lot that they come in town since my mother passed when I was young. It's like having a part of her here. Which by the way, when we came home from the hospital someone had turned Jude's light on in his room and it wasn't us. Emmy is having a bit of a hard time with Jude. Well let me explain.....it's not really Jude but all the changes. She has been a bit naughty lately and giving me a hard time. So we had a long talk last night and it turns out she is really jealous of him with Mike. I thought it was going to be about me, but it is the opposite. She believes that since he is Mike's real son he just won't love her the same. I assured her that is not the case, and Mike has decided to try to do date night with her. I think she is just very torn because she is so close to Mike, but also doesn't want to hurt her dads feelings. She is very close to her dad too so she has a hard time talking about her feelings with them. I assured her that her dad is a wonderful guy and will always listen to her feelings. She is just having a lil kid crisis and I know it's hard on her. She looked at me and said "You are the only person I trust". Then she said she had just lost a little happiness lately and was trying to find it again. UGH!!!!!!!!!! Poor lil thing. I know it's a big adjustment for her, but she is being SO good with him. She starts back to softball this week, and she is signing up for gymnastics so I am hoping that will help some. She is a big girl though and changed and fed Jude yesterday. The other thing is she gets really mad when people take the baby away from her, and that is pretty frequent with family in town. It will all be ok though because she is very loved and she knows that. Jude is loved too, and here is a pic my cousin took
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Sunday, September 7, 2008

Saturday

I am convinced I have the most adorable newborn EVER and I am very blessed. I have a beautiful daughter, a great husband, and a gorgeous son. In the weeks to come I will hold tight to knowing the above, and that my faith is strong in this family! Jude is currently sleeping on Mike's shoulder and Mike is asleep too it's pretty cute. I hope everyone is having a good weekend.

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Friday, September 5, 2008

Song lyrics

Cooks Children's called and Jude's initial appointment will be on 9/19. Before then they have given me the signs to look for in case any pressure in his head begins to rise. The signs are him being sick, lethargic, very very fussy, or a raised soft spot. I personally think the pressure will not rise because this was an existing issue, but I know there is no way to tell. I talked to my grandmother tonight and I was telling her how BEAUTIFUL he is! I told her that no matter what we love him with all our hearts. She said we all will and to us he is a normal little boy. She said she felt confident that if Jude does have any issues we will work with him and bring him as far as he can go. Which is very true. I told the pediatrician today it makes you not even want to know if the baby may have an issue. We are so enjoying every minute with him though. He had about a good hour of awake time today just alert and looking around. It was pretty cute! We put him on his boppy on a blanket and he just listened for our voices and looked around the room. He is currently in his swing which he seems to love!! We are all doing well and I even got a nap today. Em went with her dad and she was sad leaving, but told her he needed his time with her too.

As mentioned before I am a music hound. I thought these lyrics were just perfect!! They truly sum everything up.

Rob Thomas "Little Wonders"
"Let it go, Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know The hardest part is over
Let it in, Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away, But these small hours,
These small hours still remain
Let it slide, Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine Until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by, It's the heart that really matters in the end
Our lives are made In these small hours
These little wonders,These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,But these small hours,These small hours still remain
All of my regret Will wash away some how
But i can not forget The way i feel right now
In these small hours These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain"

Emily and Jude!
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Dr update

Well Jude was up most of the night so his jaundice is much better because he ate a lot! lol! He is precious though and we are loving him very much. The pediatrician looked him over again and said he looks great. We also updated him on what the neurosurgeon said. He replied that "we are treating him normal until HE proves us otherwise". I like this dr!
Emily is being very good with him, but I think she has been bitten by a bit of baby envy. She has not really been herself, but she is also a little stuffy. She has been pretty crabby and very smart alec. So I have tried to have sweet talks with her, be understanding, etc, and today I finally just ripped her a new one by telling her how she was acting and since then she has been an angel! I guess maybe she just needed to know she still has discipline and that she is always loved no matter what!!! Well here is an updated pic.

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Thursday, September 4, 2008

Neurosurgeon update

So like I stated we received Jude's brain sonogram results, but the new news is they told us today that "there is a large CSF communicating defect within the cranial fossa." When I asked the pediatrician what that meant he had "no idea". That was rather comforting (did I pack my angry eyes?). The report also made reference to having another MRI to rule out "Holoproencephaly". Anyway, he said the best bet would be to contact Cooks Children's, and they wanted us to contact them prior to leaving the hospital today. So I put a call into Dr Roberts who has to be one of the nicest doctors ever! He did call me back, and spent a long time talking to me on the phone which is somewhat comforting. I (of course) had done some research on Holoproencephaly ........ don't look it up! It is very scary, and I don't think that is what Jude has. Basically it's where the brain's hemispheres do not separate and therefore are midline or one. When we had the in utero MRI I know they said they saw the hemispheres. I also asked DR Roberts that since Jude is sucking, swallowing, doesn't have facial anomalies, etc then isn't that unlikely and he agreed. He then added he thought the sonogram report "was a poorly written or at least hard to understand. Granted the Dr was from a different country and that he would probably understand it better when he reviewed the CD". So the bad news is lil Jude has to be put under for his MRI and spend the night at Cooks Childrens. I hate this more than ANYTHING! I thought maybe God would think we had enough, and therefore they would just say he had some larger brain vents, but was fine. I guess we just won't know until we have the MRI, and even then we could get awful/good news and still not know until he is older. So we are just trying to enjoy our time with him being a newborn, but I hate the doctors reports looming over us. A part of me doesn't even want the MRI, but like Mike said if this is due to a blockage we have to know and get him fixed. If it's because he will have problems then he won't ever do without and we will treat him normal! He seems like a very healthy little boy though who just sucked down 2 ounces of formula, and 2 mls of breast milk (I am not producing a lot right now and he is a bit jaundiced so he need fluids). We have to go back to the pediatrician tomorrow who still claims "I would never know there was an issue without that sonogram because he seems so healthy". He said his jaundice score was a 9.3 so we are going back, but he looks much better to me. I struggle with all of this, but I feel in my heart that Jude will be OK. I struggle that we went through such a long difficult pregnancy laced with Jude's issues and today we get more possibly discouraging news. No one wants to leave a hospital with orders to go see a neurosurgeon with Cd's and reports in hand on your newborn.
Now let's switch gears and talk about the fact it's very unfair that women go through the PAIN of delivery and you end up looking FIVE months pregnancy still after birth. As my cousin so eloquently put it "like your stomach is a warm puppy laying next to you". ha! I mean it should just be a life rule you suck in and go back to normal. I am happy to be home, and Emily is just thrilled with her little brother. Since I am pumping she gets to help feed him, and she just loves it! Oh and this little baby already raises his head off your shoulder when you are burping him. He also looked EXACLTY like Emily's infant pictures. My husband goes "OH MY WORD!" when I showed him their pics side by side.
Dr Roberts nurse is calling us to schedule an initial neurological exam with him, and then they will schedule his little procedure. I will update as the days go on. My family is getting here on Sunday and I am super excited about that. Thank you to everyone!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Brain scan update

So Jude's ventricles are still measuring at 11 + 12 and he still has some fluid in the back of the brain. So basically they said they would like to get an MRI of him at Cooks children's. The good news is jude can hear, see, move, is sucking, swallowing, etc etc so he appears to have normal functions. The doctor basically explained the same thing we have heard before that it may just be normal compensation from the brain bleed and he is fine, it could be it caused damage to tissue we cannot see without an MRI, or it could be that the fluid is a build up from a blockage that need to be unblocked (doubtful). I explained my hesitation in having an MRI because I believe that puts an expectation on the child if they do indeed find an issue. He explained that he understood, and that this will really just continue to be a waiting game. That we may not ever notice anything different about him, or it may come in form of a developmental delay later in life or even something more serious (doubtful too). So we will have the MRI within the next two weeks. Point is Jude is BEAUTIFUL and we love him with all our hearts no matter what. Jude is a testimony to miracles in my opinion. After a rough pregnancy I feel very blessed to be sitting her watching Jude's daddy play him music with tears rolling down his cheeks (I officially lost it finally watching that without telling him I was watching). On a side note my platelets are back to 116k, and they have a plan to watch them weekly so they can hopefully wean me off the steroids...hooray!

Good morning

I cannot sleep this morning. I think I forgot to mention that yesterday they didn't do a CBC before putting in my epidural. They had done one the night before, but didn't yesterday until after they put the epi in and we found the platelets has dropped to 80k. So they had to leave the epi cath in my back all night long and I am in excrutiating pain!!!!!!! I am waiting to get my CBC this morning, and to see if they can take it out. Anyway, Jude was a good boy all night long and didn't even cry. I am having some problems getting him to eat because he doesn't want to suck and swallow that much yet. The pedi should be with him in the nursery right now and I will know more on his condition soon. I can tell he can see due to bright lights, and his reflexes seem good to me. I will post more later with some new pics. He is getting cuter by the second because his swelling his going down. You should see all his hair. Despite any issues that he may have I already am very much in love with him. His daddy just adores him too!!!

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Update ~ So far the pedi has come in and said "I see nothing that wouldn't make this baby normal". Also he passed his hearing test. They just came to get him for the head sono so I am saying some prayers. The hearing lady said "you seem so calm". I responded that I just have faith in him that he is ok. Jude has a purpose in this life. I am very lucky to have him here and to have had a great birth experience! I hope to see everyone soon.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

He is here!

I am VERY tired!!! It was an exhausting day. It took about 12 hours and the epidural did not take on the left side :blink: but I finally went from 5 to a 10 in an hour, and besides a quick case of shoulder distortion Jude is here. He seems healthy and perfect. They will do the sono on his head tomorrow. He came out crying, scored a 9.9 on his apgar. Is 7.5 pounds, and 20.5 inches long :). Here is a pic but he is a little squinty. I will take some more tomorrow and post. Thanks to my cousin and Mike who were there every step of the way, and to all my family and friends!!!! I love you guys very much.
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Monday, September 1, 2008

On our way soon

On our way to the hospital soon!! Please say a little prayer that Jude's brain is normal, and he is perfect. Thanks for everyone's thoughts and support throughout this pregnancy. I appreciate it very much!