Thursday

I went to the platelet doctor today and the good news is my platelets went to 148,000! So she truly believes this was pregnancy induced ITP. To give you an idea of how unusual this is Jude's pediatrician found out I had ITP and said "You are kidding me! In 20 years I have had 2 cases!". So she basically said it will take about 7 weeks to wean me off the steroids....which sucks because I am tired of sweating (shoo). The good news is that they have lowered my dose which let's me sleep easier. The meds let me sleep..........now Jude on the other hand.....lol. No really he is a great baby and is a good little boy. So as long as the platelets stay level or keep going up I am great. If the lower again I am on meds for like 6 months she said. I believe they will just keep going up. My family leaves tomorrow and I am a little emotional over that. It's been great having my aunt here because she is a huge help! It makes me miss being able to have my mom around. She is a great mom to my cousins, and I know my mom would be great too if she were here. Anyway, Jude had a lot of wakey time tonight and even sat in his swing for about thirty minutes awake just playing... it was pretty cute. For the first time I guess the lack of hormones are affecting me tonight because my tears are kinda flowing today. I am tired, I worry about Jude, I worry about Em, I am still huge, I am having a bit of a problem pumping, etc. I am happy so don't get me wrong, and am so excited about the baby. I am just a little overwhelmed I guess. I talked to Dr graham today about the sonogram report they issued at the hospital that I spoke of in a previous blog. He said the report actually read incorrectly which is a relief because my understanding of holoenchephaly (sp?) is rather a devastating diagnosis. He said children in utero that have that diagnosis have a brain that look like the shape of a light bulb and that is not Jude's case. He did say however that the large space of fluid mentioned in the report is what Dr Twickle was concerned about and that it is a malformation of the brain. The good thing is that from what he can see that he has all the "thinking" parts of the brain. So he said even with the MRI there just really isn't anyway to tell until Jude starts reaching/or not reaching milestones. He said Jude is still a rather remarkable case and he would like us to update him on Jude's progress so he can properly advise others in this circumstance. It's suddenly very stressful though for me to look at Jude and wonder what his future holds. I guess we do that with any of our children, but to know that there is an issue creates a internal struggle for me. No matter what I love Jude with all my heart and will take him as far as he can go in life. We all want the best for our children though, and I don't want him to have to eat from a bottle his whole life, etc. Honestly, Jude already holds his head off my shoulder for a few minutes, he turns to my voice, stares at lights, etc. I personally think he is very normal! The doctor explained that the sonogram just won't tell them if the "wiring" is correct only the MRI will. Which makes me a bit paranoid with him, and his health so I am always checking him. I am currently looking at my tiny baby in his daddy's arms and he is SUCH a pretty baby!!!! So anyway, the other teary eye issue is that Em is still a bit sassy and I just want her to be ok. I took her to gymnastics for the first time tonight, and she seems to really love it! So we went ahead and signed her up for weekly lessons. She had to come home, and show off her hurkey (which needs some work..lol!)
I also feel so GROSS, and that is pretty normal when you just have a baby. You would think the weight just goes away, but it doesn't. Your uterus basically has to contract itself back down, your hormones are SO out of wack, your hair is messed up, you smell, just ick. Post pregnancy is not glamorous like some movies portray. Call up a female movie star that's honest and they will tell you it's kinda gross! Being pregnant, and even birth is miraculous, but after it's just blah! lol! The fun part though is holding the tiny little precious baby. He is my pretty son, and I am so proud of him!!!!! So long story short I am rather emotional today. My husband is making a career change too which in the long run will be great for him. I am proud of what he is looking to accomplish. Speaking of work that's another stress factor because if I could afford it I would stay with Jude full time. I love my job, but I love my children more. It's unfortunate, but we cannot afford for me to stay home yet, but I do have an AWESOME and flexible job. I have some CUTE pics of Jude on Em's camera and will be picking up the CD soon. Also, I have some great pics of Em, and it turns out my lil kiddo has an eye for photography!!!! I will post them as soon as I can.
So thanks for bearing with my rambling. I remind myself that I have a beautiful daughter, a beautiful son, and a great husband! I guess it's healthy to want to feel normal again though. Well I am off to shower and hold my gorgeous baby!