I am so tired that I am over tired, therefore I am having a hard time going to bed. Does that make any sense? Sometimes when I am over tired I have a hard time winding down, and today seems to fit that category. So we all know what that means.......... a new blog.
I had to post a quick update because I have noticed a few encouraging signs in Jude lately. He has been looking in our eyes a lot more, and today he stared into my eyes for almost a minute before darting them away from me. I have been picking him up like a 9 month old lately....expecting him to hold his head up, rather than helping him hold his head up. In return have noticed that he is getting more confident about attempting to hold his head rather than just letting it fall. I know this doesn't work for everyone, but Jude seems to be responding. He also wrapped his legs tight around me today when he felt as if he would fall. I had a tight grasp on him, but sometimes his head tilts to the back, and that can make him feel unsteady. I had a flashback to when Emily was a baby, and how she would squeeze her legs tight around my waist.
Tonight when I held Jude close looking deep into his eyes I started to cry. I wondered if there was hope that he will communicate, walk, and eat normally. I have faith, I do! I hope, and I finally let myself hope.... when before I just accepted that fate held a definitive answer of "no" for us. I believe in my little boy, and we are working with him. In fact, my darling girl put together "level" cards of Jude. She has been working with him every night after we work with him. He gets a kick out of hearing her voice, and honestly responds to her. She says "Bend Jude", and he will bend his leg. She says "Put it back Jude", and his little leg goes back. It sounds to good to be true, but I have it on video, and will be posting it soon. Maybe it's the repetition, maybe it's wishful thinking, but regardless it makes this mama happy for a few seconds. It makes me breathe a little easier, and it makes me restore my faith a little more.
My Jude! He may not be what everyone considers normal, but he is my little miracle, and will continue to be. I am a little emotional tonight, but I guess that just happens sometimes.