Friday, January 22, 2010


My friend Fleck came over tonight, and I honestly really needed some girl time. The house was still bustling with Emily's lessons, Jude crying, Mike whining about being sick, the dogs barking, and more. Somehow a woman is able to tune everything out with a nice glass of wine, and a great friend. She even brought me some amazing clothes she doesn't want anymore. Granted I would normally feel strange, about accepting them, but she has great taste, and I was thankful.

I read over some of my friends blogs tonight. I read through issues with seizures, and other medical problems. I read about medications, sleepless night, and more. As much as I could relate there were many times I couldn't relate, because every situation is different. I felt at a loss for words, and I just buried my head in my hands. I want to help, but I am unsure how. My husband always tells me that I cannot save the world, and to not be so naive. Although, no one wants to see life pass them by, and their days in life filled with medication issues, and a sick child. Despite how wonderfully hopeful I sound in my blog, along with my fellow special needs parents, it's still a struggle both emotionally, and physically. Even though we have began to adapt, I emotionally (at times) still find myself reeling from Jude's situation. I am trying to find the balance between the wonderful blessed feelings I have, and the struggle with everyday life. I will eventually find it.

I think this was all tipped off because when I got home Jude got upset. I was holding him for awhile, and then set him down. He giggled for a bit.........but I am not sure at what? He didn't have anything near him, and no one was chatting with him. Later I was holding him on the couch, and I noticed how long he is. Jude is ..........well...........becoming a toddler. Mike looked at me, and said "I wish he could walk". We have faith he WILL walk, but again you deal with the feelings in the present that Jude cannot currently walk. Jude's brain does not communicate with his body to tell him that his legs, do work.

So everything is an acceptance, and moving forward. It's dealing with emotions, and medications. I want to help the world, but I cannot. I cannot change that my friends daughter is hurting, but......I wish I could.


Candace said...

This is true...the acceptance took me well over five get close to this. I am so thankful for the blogging community but sometimes it seems like there is so much suffering. I am right there with you, sweetie!

Debbie said...

Relating to one-another is what helps me...because although I wish this emotional roller coaster of a sick child on no-one, knowing others are out there who "get it" first- hand, and can makes life a little more bearable.

That being said...Jenn....I completely relate to the realization of my little "babies" legs that are suddenly so long, and should be toddling around the house, and are not. I think if Hudson was upright, he would be my tallest kid...
I pray, one day, we will relate to the reality of both of our boys using their long legs to run themselves silly!

Our Journey said...

you cant change the world but you can and have changed your tiny part of it! through your kind words and actions as well as the assistance you give emily in her smile boxes! you are doing more than your fair share!