Tonight Emily came downstairs to tell me that she has decided she would like to do smile boxes for animal shelters, in addition to her smile boxes to the hospitals. They wouldn't be individual boxes, but just one big box filled with food, and blankets. I told her we could talk about this idea of hers, and then maybe move forward. She pretty much told me in no uncertain terms, that his was a deal breaker if I didn't help her out....lol! I sometimes wonder if I have the strength to keep up with my tiny philanthropist, but I will try my best.
Another issue Em brought to me tonight for the first time was, "I feel like people love Jude more than me". It made me swallow hard because I constantly worry about the effects of Jude's condition on Emily. She has grown up very quickly in the last year and a half, which I didn't want for her. When my mom passed away, and other situations arose I grew up from 7 to old enough to fend for myself very quickly. I think some of this has to do with the additional responsibilities Emily has had placed upon her regarding cleaning, and organizing, but some I believe is really emotions she is feeling. She mentioned that my blog is called the "Diary of a baby", not the "Diary of babies". I explained that this is due to the fact that she has thankfully, never suffered a stroke. I then explained that I started this blog with the sole purpose that I would truthfully pour out every raw feeling I had about Jude's situation to educate others. She also told me she had a dream that Mike left us, ARGH, my heart broke. I explained to her that we are a family, and even though times can be tough, we are always a family first.
Later in the night she said "Mommy, this song reminds me of our family". I put her ipod ear piece into my hear to listen to "Lean on me". I smiled and said "that's a pretty good song for us". I guess sometimes when we hope our other children are not affected, they still are. Emily has had a lot put on her at a young age. The only thing I can say is that I had the same, and I think the tribulations I endured turned me into the person I am today. I hope the same will happen for her, and I help Em in anyway I can. She has all I can afford both emotionally, physically, and more. I have sought after counseling for our situation, and she seems to be very well adjusted. I guess it's perfectly natural for any girl, or woman to wonder about their worth. I question mine, I am sure you do too. I just want to make sure Em never has to question my love, because mine is here to stay.
So little Em, because I know you read my blog. I love you with all my heart, you are my darling little girl. You are more amazing than most adults I know. You have a compassionate heart, a patient heart, and an accepting heart. Most people are lucky if they just get one of those traits, not all three. You have done more by the age of eleven than most people will do in their entire life. You have held mommy's hand when you shouldn't have to, and you make my heart happy. I know you will go so far in life. You will achieve your dreams, because you have the drive to make them happen. Although if for any reason you are ever sad I will feel very honored to still wrap my arms around you, and tell you I will love you forever. I love you forever, and ever!