Years, and well years ago when I was just a child I had such big dreams of what my adult life would be like. I dreamt of becoming a Vet where I would tend to the needs of sick animals, and I would whisk them back to health with a swift touch of my hand. I dreamt of a lavish white wedding with twinkling lights, and even more than your happily ever after. I dreamt of three smiling children, never worrying about money enrolled in every extra curricular activity they wanted to be in. I always dream of a closet bigger than my living room filled with everything you can imagine. Selfish huh? We all know that our dreams take on new colors when faced with reality, and the reality we encounter is laced with lessons. My lesson was material possessions never matter!
Although never dreamt of luxury vehicles, my family vehicle in my dream never had a handicap sticker hanging off the mirror. I never dreamt of ramps leading a pathway to my house, or having to convert my dining room for a disabled child. Never in my dreams was I trying to figure out how I could get my current "upside down" vehicle out of my sight so I could invest in a .........sigh........minivan to house a wheelchair. I never did........ but I should have, those words ring in my ears........ I should have. I should have realized that life rarely hands you what you dream. Why would I think I was exempt from experiencing any type of pain? Yet it's not really me that is experiencing it.........it's Jude. In my young dreams I never heard my husband say "I love my son so much, I really do. I would love to have a baby that can walk, and talk, but I don't think I would appreciate that baby as much as Jude, I just don't........because everything Jude accomplishes is such a triumph." No I guess I never would have heard that in my young dreams, but I am so thankful I heard that phrase this weekend. I have learned to dream in a new way, with new circumstances. I dream of Jude walking, and I get teary at versions of Extreme Home Makeover that show a fallen officer learning how to walk again. Because of Jude I have an amazing appreciation of Life that I never had before, and I am thankful. Because of him I know what that officer is experiencing, and what an amazing accomplishment he has made.
There are times I feel so lonely that I could crawl in a small ball, and never unravel. I am not perfect by any means, and I sometimes feel like I am falling apart. Each day I drag myself out of bed to go to work, but luckily it's a good place. I also pick myself up to work on the project of Scentsy that I so believe it. I pray, I hope, I plan, and I believe. Yet I talk about myself a lot on this blog, and I realized tonight that it's not me, it's Jude. What triggered this? I watched him try to crawl tonight, and I remembered what hope truly is!!!
Ps ~ Don't forget to enter the giveaway in the post below.