Looking back on my adventure over the last 16 months I find myself a bit weary. I know that by forging ahead with our journey times will get increasingly hard, but easier at the same time. In other words the confusion never seems to settle. I see tiny accomplishments Jude has made, and I find myself being very thankful but angry too. I love having Jude in my life, but it's the realization that Jude will never be normal...ever. We will work with him on achieving as much as he can in his life, and he may surprise us. It's basically the wait and see that is so aggravating. So in the mean time we deal with the emotions, frustrations, and sometimes joy of our lives. I am sometimes not sure how people make it through situations like this then again you just do. We always hear, "I just couldn't do it". Sure you could if it was your child.
I actually started out the day very positive, and working diligently. Since that time my sick husband has become increasingly more agitated because he is not feeling well. I am picking up items he was going to do so after work today I need to drop some tables off, pick up a prescription, go by the store to get formula, and cook dinner, so it sounds like it will be a late night. I don't mind doing any of those items though, and Em and I will get time together in the car. I am however disappointed I won't have more time with Jude. I feel horrible for my ailing hubby, but also sit back and wonder about being a mom. It seems that since becoming a mother I cannot really take a sick day. Even while in the hospital in pre term labor my boss was calling, and my husband was calling about Em throwing up. Truly women.........do you ever notice this? Is this just me being difficult? Does it seem that as moms if you call into work because you feel like the gum on the bottom of the devils shoe that you still cannot rest? At some point during that day you know you are getting up to do something....admit it. It's actually rather comical. Someone is coming in to wake your butt up even if they are reviving you on the operating table, and you know it. Come on COMPLAIN with me........I cannot be positive all the time people! ha! I do adore my husband so I just had to laugh at the fact that he is a man, and sometimes being sick is overwhelming.