My birthday

It's my birthday! It's gotten to the point that if someone asks me how old I am, I have to stop and count on fingers. Honestly.......it's been a very relaxing weekend. Friday night Emily and I went to my "birthday dinner" together, and picked her out a new pageant dress. She said "Mommy are you sure you want to do this for your birthday?". I said "Of course Em, spending time with you and buying you something nice is the best birthday ever". She seemed very happy, and we had a GREAT time that night. Saturday Emily competed for the second time at her district UIL competition. Her school came away with second place, a huge trophy, and Emily got an all star cast award. I am very proud of her. Today I am going to see my friend Flecks new pad, and then later we are heading to Springtown for a dress fitting, and to visit some long time friends. I am lucky to have such good friends in my life. Last night Mike called my friend Linda in Springtown "family" and I thought that was so nice!

Jude was up a lot last night and Mike slept through it. So Mike got up with Jude this morning and I slept until 10:30!!! That's amazing. So it's been a weekend of catching up on sleep, spending time with my family, and just taking it easy.

The only thing that was not relaxing was trying to buy a mini van that will accommodate Jude's wheelchair. Due to our financial struggle and when Mike had to give up his job two years ago my credit is SHOT. I hate to admit it and it seems like something personal, but I am honest about what having a medically dependent child does to your life. I had to walk away from perfect credit and accept we had to take care of the important things. I refuse to have a co-signer so this has become a bit of a hassle, but I will get it done. I have faith it will all work out, and it will. I have a great job that I have been at since 2/1995, I make a good living, and I always find a way.

I am still not sure what is happening with the job Mike is hoping for. They said it could take up to a month to get the job created. I am praying and praying that it pans out. It will make our lives so much easier.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes by facebook, and text :)

Can I get a hooray for sleep???

Last night started off really bad, but ended up alright. When I got home Mike was in the worst mood because Jude had just thrown up ..... again. Mike had left Jude shirtless laying on his blankie just in case he threw up again. I walked over to Jude and got the biggest smile, but Mike was near tears, and I felt terrible. He sat down on the couch put his head on his hands, and said "I just cannot do this anymore". I know he didn't really mean it, but I understood his exhausted words that were pouring out of his mouth. He explained that he could see why some people are just incapable of handling special needs kids, and why they end up in homes. Let me stress he was NOT talking about Jude, he will always be with us. He was just referencing how judgemental we used to be, and how he can now see why some personalities just cannot do it. Jude was really good the rest of the night, but was grinding his teeth a lot which means he is teething for sure. SO at bed time we gave him some medicine, and his melatonin......and he only woke up TWICE! I slept for probably six hours last night, and I feel PHENOMENAL!

I appreciate all the advice I have gotten recently. We are setting up an appointment with a pulmonologist and an allergist to see about a milk aversion. We also talked to his GI specialist about the possible emptying problem, but he and our nurse highly doubt that. We really think the throwing up is an issue with Jude's inability to swallow mucus.

On a great note Emily's UIL one act play of Alice in Wonderland was one of the the top two plays chosen to move on to regionals on Saturday. She was also chosen as one of the top performers of the day. I am very proud of her!! I found a place in Grapevine that teaches acting and puts on plays at the palace theater in Grapevine. I am hoping I will be able to enroll her in their summer camp. I think she would really enjoy it.

Also, all I asked for on my birthday was a Red Velvet nothing bundt cake. Well today I came back from lunch and my boss had gotten 8 individual ones!!! We all got one in the office, and he sent me home with extras for me and the family. Jenn was even nice enough to light the top, so cute! I am blessed with a good place to work.

a little update

When I got home last night Jude was napping in his bed. When he got up I noticed he felt very warm and his temp was 99.1 that's pretty high for Jude. He wasn't under any covers, but I decided to wait and see if the temp dropped over the hour. It went down a little bit, but not much. Jude was also very restless......I think this may be a teeth issue, but you never know.

We put him to bed about 11pm, and he slept on and off until 4am. He then woke up at 4am, and he was up for good. Mike finally just lost it and threw his pillow across the room yelling that we just needed to shut the monitor off. I know he didn't mean it. So I finally just picked up my blanket, and pillow and went and crawled in bed with Jude. He went to sleep about 6:30 and I had to get up at 6:50 to get Em to her UIL competition today.

The good news from today is that our nursing was bumped up which means we will have someone there on Sunday. We considered bringing someone in at night, but it's very hard finding a night nurse. So we are going to do our best to sleep in each Sat and Sun so we can recharge our bodies.

A quick update about the week from h e double hockey sticks!

Well last night was so much better!!! psych, just kidding, lol! Once I got home from work I walked in to kiss Mike hello, and then I was going to tell Jude hi. Jude was laying in his bed watching his sleep sheep when I heard a panicked cry and I went running into his room yelling "OH MY GOSH!". Mike came running too, and Jude had thrown up all over himself. It was all over his face, his hair, his pillow, and he was in a panic because he couldn't breathe. I asked Mike to start a bath and proceeded to get Jude cleaned up. He was all nice and spiffy clean when ......... he threw up again, so I wiped him down........and he threw up again. It was a nightmare, but we finally got it under control. I then had to leave to go pick Emily up from play rehearsals. By the time we got everyone settled, had me time, and everyone in bed we were really tired. Mike even fell asleep with me last night, which is unheard of.

Mike got up about 3 times last night, and I got up another 4 times. Jude never threw up during the night, but he was still very restless. I am still waiting on a call back from the neuro about Jude's sleeping habits. We are also waiting to hear back form the pediatrician regarding the cough assist machine, and a pulmonoligist referral. We are going to try to fit all Jude's appointments in within the next two weeks before Mike takes on a full time job. He is working for a friend right now painting, but we hope his big job will pan out very soon.

So yes we are tired, but it's okay. It's just a part of that new "normal" everyone talks about. We hope tonight will be better, but until this vomiting gets under control I am afraid we are looking at the same path.

Emily's rehearsals end tomorrow for her Alice in Wonderland UIL compeition. I am so very proud of all her hard work on this play, but I will not miss all the hours she has put into it. She decided to replace her play rehearsals with rehearsals for a pageant at the end of March. She really wants to go and even her dad is going to help get her there. She is a good girl, I am so proud. Here is a new picture of her in her play.

 

Just my very humble opinion.

I complain about my lack of sleep, but in the end it's all worth it. When we conceived Jude we were so excited at the prospect of having a tiny little baby in our arms. We did not ever plan that we would be given a baby with special needs. Not just special needs, but life or death needs.  I am not sure why I felt like I could be excluded from this group, but I did. I try not to complain to much, but I know sometimes it sounds like I do...just know it's from lack of sleep. Sweet Jen at my office today said "Girl I sit next to you for forty hours a week and rarely hear you complain" it made my day. I have heard several profound statements this week. Another one I heard was "You have to do what's right for you and your child. The doctors think our children are going to die anyway and that they are just prolonging their life as long as possible, but in the end we are all dying aren't we?" (spoken from another special needs mom). I have learned a lot from these moms in my special group. 

I have also learned a lot these past 2 1/2 years directly from Jude. I have learned that proper recognition of your hard work comes from the light in your child's eyes vs strangers eyes. I have learned that doing for others heals your heart when it is hurting, and wanting nothing in return and meaning that is a really good feeling.  I have learned to not sweat the small stuff. I try not to judge others because you never know what's going on in their life. I also try not to expect things from people because sometimes it's just to difficult to give, or it's just no available emotionally. I guess when you live a life with someone knowing your time may be shortened you truly learn what is important in life. Friends, family, and loved ones should be your primary focus. Petty bitter arguing should be let go, and nothing should be taken for granted.

Jude update

Mike stayed up until about 2am last night listening for Jude. Unfortunately when he came to bed Jude started getting up. At 3:00am Jude woke up congested and I was holding puke towels under his chin as Mike came rushing in. I hate that Jude currently has to live his life throwing up on a regular basis. He had a good day with the nurse but a very bad night with us. Mike and I laid back down at 6:33 (I looked at the clock) and my alarm went off a little after 7. I cannot function, literally. I am exhausted, and I really don't want to talk on the phone, or anything else. So I am off for today.

The good news is the below video, which is hard to see. This is Jude working with his therapist.

Jude

Jude had yet another horrible night last night. When I went to get Emily he threw up so much that Mike just lost it. He called me so upset saying he just cannot do this anymore, and needs the doctors to listen to us. Jude was overall pretty happy unless he was throwing up. Jude went to be fairly easy, but he was literally up and down from 2am on. I told my boss that I am cranky today! On top of that Emily has a hurt throat, and also threw up this morning, but I think hers is sleep deprivation and stressed vocal chords from her play.

It's really a guessing game on why Jude is throwing up so much. We have slowed his feeds down, adjusted volumes, and rates. We considered he is teething, considered the phloem, and the fact he doesn't swallow and cough like we do. It seems his seizures have also taken on a new look to me. Mike said they look the same to him, but Jude is doing more of the "cymbal" seizure. He throws his hands up and shakes, but this is only when he is startled.  With the exception of the startle seizures I don't see much activity anymore.  We know Jude has so many different focal points on where his start, so it's hard to isolate the exact cause, but it sure seems like loud noises cause them to me. I have also had several people on here suggest that we test Jude for Mitochondrial disease. I have heard they have issues with vomiting on a consistent basis. Any thoughts on this for parents that understand?

Here is Jude in his new compression vest. He loved it. It helps break the phloem up in his chest so he can expel it easier.......it didn't seem to work. I loved his jiggly cheeks. Ignore my mommy voice, haha! I make for great entertainment sometimes with my high pitch voice.

So.......it's a Monday.........all you can do it laugh!!!

Throwing up again.

I got to sleep in a bit today because our nurse came in early at 7:30am. I had been up and down with Jude since 3:30 so I was thrilled to see nurse Alan when he got here. Mike had been up with Jude from 12-3:30, so I obviously took the second shift.   Jude has had an issue with not getting comfortable enough to sleep well this past week, and that includes last night. He grunts, complains, and has seizures throughout the night. I am not sure what's going on with him, but we do what we can to make him more comfortable. So when Alan got here I thought about how lucky I am to have great nurses to take care of Jude when Mike and I are emotionally and physically exhausted. I climbed back in bed only to hear the Jack Russel Terrorists beckoning outside our doors. The look I shot my husband probably equaled the elbow jab I gave him, and he took care of the situation. I got two glorious hours of non interrupted sleep, and it was fabulous.

Once I got up I had to rush about to get to a Scentsy party that I am SO GRATEFUL was booked. My parties are dwindling a bit, but this was a good one. I was blessed that two people booked off her party. Once I got home the nurse explained that Jude had seemed a bit uncomfortable all day, and then the puke fest started. Jude threw up over and over again. He seemed to be a small fountain of vomit, and it was so discouraging. He has been throwing up so much lately, and Alan finally said,  "I don't mean this wrong but I don't care what the (beep) that doctor said (and he did say beep) this Nissen is blown. It was awful. Jude threw up 5 times before Alan left, and seven times total, it's so discouraging. We run his feed so slow, he is upright, he gets compression therapy, and he gets acid reflux medication...but yet it is not working. This is Jude's enemy...this phloem. Many kids have special needs, but many know how to cough....Jude doesn't. I get comments like "I hope it's nothing serious", and in reality it can be. He doesn't have a stomach virus, this is Jude's everyday life, and it makes me sad this is his normal life...this is what he knows. Many kids I know live with diabetes and the stick of daily needles, so we all have our own issues. Jude just deals with throwing up on a consistent basis. So we are working hard to get the cough assist machine to help him extract the phloem before it causes additional issues . We work so hard with Jude on getting everything out of his chest....and I hope this helps him. 

On another note...I am struggling a bit with a new venture I have mentioned that I have set out to accomplish. I believe I can do well at it, but there is so much drama surrounding less than important situations. I am wondering how to enlighten those around me what is truly important in life. I feel like my situation has taught me so much, and I want to share with them what they really should be focusing on, but I am unsure how to that. I won't go into details right now except to say that I pray for guidance, and I request your prayers too.

Emily and her play

I talk a lot about Jude on this blog because the diary was primarily started to keep up with my emotional stress due to his diagnosis. I try to update everyone about Emily too, but I had to stress how proud I am of her this week. I am hands down exhausted because Jude has not slept well, but her schedule has been just as rigorous too. Yet every night she begs me to take her to school early in the morning only to be let down because Jude hasn't slept well. She has gotten up early everyday, stayed late at play rehearsals every night, and completed her homework without being harassed. Emily maintains primarily A's on her report card all while rehearsing for her school UIL play every single day. Tonight she premiered as Alice in the original one act from the original rendition of Alice in Wonderland at her school. We all know that the original score of Alice in Wonderland was rather strange, and difficult to comprehend.....so just imagine learning it if you were 12.

Em did amazing! I was so proud watching her from the audience. At the end of the play all the cast members came out in segmented files and Emily was not to be seen. Mike poked my ribs and whispered "she will come out alone" and sure enough she was the last person out for her own applause. I was so very proud of her, and everyone whistled, yelled, and clapped. I could see the faint tinge of red blushing her cheeks, but I knew she was proud. I waited in the audience for her to round the bend once the play was complete. She was soon laden with tons of bouquets of flowers, and my heart over flowed with pride. I am very lucky! She has a GOOD heart. She helped so much when we were out of town, she is easy going and rarely speaks out when disappointed with people, she makes good grades, and she is overall a good person.

Also, her best friend Addison plays the Cheshire cat, and she was SO great!!! I got a bit of video of the two below. They have another showing tonight at 7pm, and I cannot wait. Congrats to the cast of Alice in Wonderland. I am proud of you guys!!!! Good luck at UIL next week.  Plus, thank you Emily for being an understanding, patient, and beautiful human being. The world is lucky to have you.

Jude

Jude had a really bad night. We aren't sure what is going on. He only wanted to be held last night before we put him in his bed. I slept soundly from 11-2, and woke up to Mike getting up to go reposition Jude. He said he had been up and down with him since I went to bed. I guess I needed that 3 hours of sleep. Jude got up and down the remainder of the night, and he never really got comfortable. So this makes about my 5th day with 3 hours of sleep a night. Can I retract my blog from last night?? Just kidding, but if I could have called in and slept today I swear I would have.

The nurse said Jude's temp was a bit elevated yesterday, but it was normal this morning. We are at a bit of a loss on what is causing his issues but we are still keeping an eye on him.

A beautiful life.

I received a response today regarding my posts since I have been home from vacation. The poster mentioned that they were sorry I have had a hard time since I got back, and I felt bad. I have been a bit discouraged by the negative spirit I find in people, but I have not really had a hard time. I am actually a lot more at ease than I was prior to leaving for my trip. I feel like I had a chance to see how people live that have little worries in the world, and in turn I learned to embrace my worries and stress. It sounds strange, but to me it makes perfect sense. For the individuals in Maui that had little worry regarding work and family they seemed to have a lot of worry when it came to food, and clothing. I saw people relaxing, but begging for food. I also saw people that worked hard everyday, but knew how to relax at night ..... and were truly grateful for what they had.

Overall my life has been well since I got back. Coming back has been a reminder that I work everyday, sleep little at night, and deal with the insanity racing through our world, but that's okay. In the end we get rewards like a child's smile, my cousin receiving a deserved foster baby today, and a paycheck to pay the bills. Jude is very under the weather tonight, and we aren't sure why. He wants to be held constantly, and something is very wrong. We aren't stressing yet, but we are thankful we know the signs, and are watching him closely. Anyway, I wanted to stress that I believe in keeping a positive spirit, and I am sorry if I have seemed negative. So let me share some of the most amazing and positive pictures from my trip. These are the pictures that will bring a smile to my face because they mean something really special.

Below is a picture of a whale tail that I am so proud of. Mike had his Nikon professional camera in hand all day waiting on the perfect shot. I love to take photo's but have never really played with the right equipment. I just have a little $100 camera in hand, that I love :). So Mike proclaimed he had to go to the bathroom and handed me his camera instructing me to take pictures if needed. Suddenly this beautiful whale popped up right in front of the boat. I gasped and picked up the camera and just started shooting the camera over and over.........and I came out with the below picture. Let's just say that my photographer hubby was less than pleased but proudly gave me credit for the shot.

and below is "Joe". While driving down the highway we saw him walking with his cross. Mike exclaimed "when one person sees crazy I see a story" and he hopped out of the rented car quickly. We found out that the gentleman takes this walk every morning up a long stretch of highway just to save everyone that he can. God Bless his soul.

Mike wanted to catch some surfers and below he caught one. He proudly brought the picture to me and I replied "She needs some triscuits.........and 3 cans of cheese whiz" he cracked up and told me to look further. Good point Mike. He didn't see just a beautiful woman he saw beautiful color, a beautiful sport, and a beautiful life.

A little update.

I have decided I need to move to Maui, there is just to much drama here, lol! Anyway, my hours are all messed up and I am going on 48 hrs of little sleep. So I am a bit cranky and not making much sense on the phone. Jude did pretty well last night, it was me having the issues with sleep. He woke up twice, and once in a full on seizure, but he went back to bed after about thirty minutes.

Anyway, enough griping. Here are some more pictures from Maui.

This is Cujo, he was the owners dog.

This is black beach. The sand is crushed volcanic rock.

A little rant about today....

It's been an interesting Monday filled with lots of business phone calls, and lot's of other drama. I figured my day would be filled with lots of emails regarding claims and billing questions, but the day laid path to many other emails too. I mentioned that I have a new venture regarding a pageant system that focuses on the inner and outer beauty of girls. I feel like if you focus on the inner beauty of a person than they will in turn find their outer beauty regardless of how someone perceives them, and they will let that beauty shine. Well it seems the date of my self proposed exciting campaign fell on top of another systems dates. I was up front and honest by emailing the other director telling her that there may be a conflict of schedules. I offered to search for new dates, but my contacts had few dates available.

I guess the failure to move my date upset this person very much. I received very upsetting emails today. I am a pretty innocent and naive person to a fault. I figure everyone will find in their heart to understand every situation. I received an email today with horrible nasty remarks including ones that said I was an evil person, and that she hopes I can actually sleep with my kids at night. I tried not to let it get to me, I really did......yet I am still stewing at 11pm.  The person in question has suffered the ultimate tragedy by losing a child, a child whose funeral I attended. It was honestly the saddest funeral I have ever been to. Her daughter was such a beautiful person. Yet tonight as I was hooking up Jude's IV feed into his belly I thought about the situation. I wondered about how my ex friend would have reacted if her child had survived her accident, but needed 24 hour care like Jude.  I know in my heart that she would have attended to her daughter on hand and foot. So since I figured she would have tended to her child as I do mine, I wondered how she could think so ill of me.........it made no sense, and for once it made me ANGRY! Because a person that holds that type of character should KNOW what someone elses intentions are.  I am a pretty good person. I do for others, I love everyone, I want the best for all those that I encounter, so how dare someone question my integrity. I loved her daughter, and her. It breaks my heart....and makes me...........angry. 

So I WILL march forward with my endeavor! I have the best of friends standing behind me (you know who you are). I will show that glitter and gold and can be show through someones soul.

Jude has done well tonight, but probably has not received the attention he deserves because I was distracted, and I hate that. Many of you won't understand my rant, but many will. I just needed to get it off my chest.

Back from vacay

I have tried to update all day, but I have been so busy at work. We had a FABULOUS time in Maui. I honestly fell even more in love with my husband. We really didn't schedule anything until the last day so we could just relax. We went on hikes, went on walks, and explored parts of the island that most people don't go. We saved our money for our food so we could eat very well, and only went on one tour that ended up being FABULOUS.

Jude did well overall while we were away, but I know it was stressful for my aunt. She said when she left she just stopped and took a breath for a moment. She then said she cannot imagine the responsibility we feel all the time. It's true, but he is our son, so we do all we can for him. She did too, and was just amazing with the kids. Both my aunts were great, and my cousin kept bringing them food while they were at my house which was so nice.

Jude was having a hard time with his coughing again yesterday and ended up throwing up a lot. Mike put a call into the doctor today about the cough assist machine that was suggested to us. We plan to pursue that device to try to help him breathe a bit better.

Here are a few pictures before I run back to work. I will update with more throughout the week. A big thanks again to everyone that helped get us on this trip. Getting sleep was amazing! Oh and if you don't follow me on facebook...........we flew home with Steven Tyler, and I for once in my life.....was speechless.... bad timing SIGH!

Our studio where we stayed

Maui update

Today we were both a bit tired so we ended up sleeping in until 8am despite our best efforts to get up and go out hiking before all the tourists took to the road. We eventually headed up into the Valley to see how the original inhabitants of Maui lived. We hiked another..........several hundred steps...uphill, and a lot of land to see waterfalls, and beautiful streams. The natural habitat of this island leaves me speechless. Mike and I are not for the resort living in Maui so our trip has been very demanding, but oh so rewarding. We have hiked all over Maui, and seen sites that many people will never even imagine seeing. 

We took a trip to the expensive resorts/homes today and I marveled at the fact that people have money they can just throw away. I have been marveling at a unique tiny pink sapphire starfish necklace that is $400. That is a lot of money in my world and can pay for a phone bill.  These people in these homes would think my little starfish could take care of their diamond fish that sweeps their balconies...haha!!! Yet, while we were driving through these expensive homes and resorts I couldn't help but feel so lucky. I proved that point while we were hanging outside a nice sushi restaurant tonight...........(which by the way Maui has the best Sushi EVER!). We met this nice young couple who was staying a beautiful resort but they had little to talk about. We were rather bored by their talk of materialistic items. Luckily we met an amazing couple at our table inside the restaurant. They were great at conversation and when  they heard our sons name was "Jude", they both perked up. "Nicky" was a huge Beatles fan and even shared her beautiful family photo's that concentrated on a Beatles theme. I loved seeing her family, and listening to her stories, although I am sure our big Texas mouths monopolized the conversation. My accent is TERRIBLE here, and I assure everyone I just sound stupid, but am rather educated.

Maui has taught me to rest. Everyone here (except at the resorts) have little regard to a fancy lifestyle and they just makes ends meet. Many live off the land, I am not sure I could but I love watching everyone in their brave journey. Tonight we came home to a lizard in our bed, and a snail in our bathroom......but hey........it's not Texas so there isn't a rattlesnake waiting on me. No, there are mongoose galore in Maui so there are no snakes. There are beautiful garden spiders, and tons of mosquito's, but no snakes or poisonous predators..........except maybe that gray shark in the harbor. Tomorrow we go on a boat ride to search for whales and dolphins. I am so excited!!

It all sounds amazing, but you know what Maui has taught me............I miss my kids. I miss them very much...........every bit of them. I miss Jude waking up at night, and Em asking me to take her to a ton of things regarding her school. I am so blessed.


Here is a beautiful fall in Hana

This was a dessert that  Mike got from a hole in the wall awesome place that has a French Chef.

We hiked a ways to see this fall, but it was so worth it.

A little update from Maui

I am lucky! We are having a great time in Maui. We haven't really scheduled ......anything, which is awesome. We are just winging each day and going at our own pace. I even have time to text friends pictures and log online which is nice. 

It's a very different way of life here.  The trucks are fitted with steel structures that hold surfboards, and boogie boards. Everyone dresses down and they all wear their swimsuits with cover ups into any restaurant including the fanciest steak house. No one moves in a fast pace and if you do they look at you like you are insane. The words "No worries", "Aloha", and "Ma halo" keep escaping everyones lips.Today we went down to the ocean during high tide so Mike could take pictures of the surfers. He couldn't find any to photograph, but I took off up the ocean line on a long hike until I found some awesome shots for him. The ocean is a deep blue and the locals that frequent the backside of the beaches include native Hawaiians and hippies that bare it all. Mike fretted about passing the "naky's", as I like to call them, on our way to shoot the surfers. Once Mike set up his camera I settled into a hillside and breathed in the beautiful ocean air. I sat there for about an hour admiring Mike taking pictures.  There were "naky" little kids running about, and all the surfers in the water, and many others just walking around. After awhile the locals began to approach Mike asking if he was selling the pictures he was taking. They seemed to be very interested in his shots, and with reason. His shots are incredible, and I think they could tell he knew what he was doing.

Our studio is in up country and we are secluded from the normal tourist area.........so I love it. It's very me, and I am so happy to be here. There windows outlining the entire studio so we can see the ocean from one side, and the mountains from the other side. I am able to text and call my family on a continuous basis which makes me feel so much more relaxed. Everyone relaxes in their own way, and staying in touch with my people helps me accomplish finding down time. I have talked to Emily several times and she seems to be very happy. From what I have been told Jude is also very happy, but looks around for me when they ask him where Mommy is at. Tomorrow they expect bad weather in DFW again........thank to LORD I am here. Our nurses, and family got together to figure out the best course of action. I love everyone is being taken care of. I owe my family a ton!

I love this photo........the flower was BLACK! It just stood out, and was so unique.

 High Tide.

A mama whale and a baby whale

Me just reflecting on life.

Aloha!!!!

A quick little update. I am on Maui time, and therefore my schedule is all messed up, but hey...who is complaining. The weather still presented problems for us into the weekend, and on Friday our sweet travel friend informed us we really needed to fly out early. Luckily fate had already put our nurses, and family in place to make this happen. I was worried about leaving because the other girl/friend at my office is very sick, but my boss assured me I could go. So Mike and I rushed around the house in a fast pace to the point that Emily......had her very first panic attack. I found her in the bathroom on the floor with her blankie, pillow, and a bucket in case she got sick. She thought it was her stomach, but I soon found out she was worried about something happening to us. I assured her we would be fine. We soon flew out to LAX, and we spent the night. We got about two hours sleep and then quickly we jetted out of LAX towards Maui. It was the longest flight ever, but so worth it. We met a wonderful musician, that provided a lot of great conversation, and then we landed in the beautiful Island.

It was a bit of a drive from the airport to our studio, but it's amazing. The air smells of fresh flowers, with the ocean in one view, and the mountains in the other. We are beginning to unwind from our long trip and are beginning to distress. We have an amazing set of friends and family who made this happen. Boy, we are lucky people!!! We aren't sure what are plans are for tomorrow. We decided not to book anything in advance so we didn't have a schedule to keep.........and that sounds amazing. Our tiny studio is so romantic and set back in far up country. I cannot wait to share.

Me saying Aloha Maui!

My aunts, and Fleck both assure me the kids are well. I miss them already, but mommy is being recharged :)

Don't take me seriously...

Well after reading my last post I figured I was being a bit negative so I thought I would bring myself into check, and explain. My friends and family know that I laugh about my luck rather than complain about it. I appreciate the sweet comments I received on my last post on here, Facebook, and email.  Just know that it's all a big laugh to me, and I am not serious about being upset. Well...if I am upset, I get over it shortly.


So let's re-cap the last few years in pictures. After my divorce I was convinced I would never find love again. I took Emily and myself, and made a few bad decisions, and a few good ones. I lost myself in my prior marriage. My husband was a great man, but we grew apart, and had nothing in common. I can now admit I used him to replace people that were missing from my life. I didn't know it at the time, but I can look back and acknowledge what I did.

The above is sultry Jenn....I was recently divorced and realized I was truly a beautiful woman....this was a hard lesson to learn. The short denim skirt is now hiding in a bin, but I once fit in it :). So that tiny denim skirt is my claim to fame! I laugh at this photo...I thought I was a hot shot.

This is myself, my beautiful sister, and my friend Rod about 4 years ago. Notice the wrinkle free face? My sister and I didn't talk for about 15 years (long story and no fault of hers), but she is now one of my best friends. She was there the night I met Mike.

When I met Mike I thought little about a future union, although when I saw him around Emily my heart melted. He truly fell in love with Emily as a daughter which is just as important as falling in love with me as wife.

The above picture speaks for itself. Just think.....our wedding facility burnt down TWO weeks before our wedding, but we pulled it together with help from loving family and friends.

Soon after our marriage I found out I was pregnant with our precious Jude. Little did we know the special issues that would accompany our son. My best friend Ginger above was there for me through the whole situation, and still is. Regardless of what stupid mistakes I make she is there to pat my back, and to high five me when I make a great decision, like having Jude.

Mike had the son he always wanted.

Our first night ever in an ER....this is before we knew. Isn't it strange to look at this picture, and know we had no clue that what they saw on the MRI in utero was a massive stroke?

Emily ....my darling daughter...she didn't care about Jude's diagnosis, she just loved him.

                                            and after lots of medication Jude lost his beautiful smile, but through a much needed miracle he found it again.

and to think....all because of Jude, and a sweet sister, Emily's Smile Boxes was born!

So what started the reflection on my life that led to the above pictures? Who knows, but I can say that after my car wreck in 01 (above) I began to search for who I was, and what I meant to the world. I began to re-evaluate my life, and what I had done with it. I suddenly realized that I had not done much, and that life was short.  I also began to realize that material possessions don't mean much and that what we get upset about today means very little tomorrow unless it has a true meaning in your soul.  We shouldn't take people for granted, jobs for granted, or anything else for that matter. We should have a sense of humor, and truly listen to what someone has to say. I regret not taking better care of my grandmother after my grandfather passed. I regretted a lot, but I planned to be proud of my future....and I am.  So don't take me serious when I complain. Do I want to make it to Maui? You bet, but will I be upset if I don't?

Nah, we will find something else to do.......I promise, and maybe it will be with purpose.