Temper, and emails.

I would like to start this blog out with a glimpse at Jude's little temper.

See no tears:


Oh wait.........he might have a tiny tear here:


All better after the paci, and much soothing:


Next I would like to reference a rather serious subject. Over the course of the past year, and a half since I started my blog I have received many emails. I receive thank you's, advice, and general introductions for moms who are facing similar situations. I love every piece of mail I get because it shows that Jude is helping others through his circumstances, and strength. Although, many times I get emails from moms saying "I am so afraid I did something to cause this", "I had some drinks at night before I knew I was pregnant", "I was on my feet all day, and stressed at work", "what if I caused this at the delivery" etc etc etc. It's the classic "mom guilt". In our society moms of the disabled are sometimes looked down upon by those who don't understand our situations. They don't get that not all pregnancies go according to plan. I too wrestled with guilt wondering what I had done to cause Jude's issues. I literally sat there in the doctor's office looking at the in utero MRI that clearly showed two bilateral spots of blood indicating a stroke, and still questioned myself.

It's almost like my brain knew that there was an explanation for what has happened, but my heart wouldn't accept it. I knew that I had to have done something wrong if I could not fulfill the expectations for having a normal pregnancy, a normal delivery, and a normal baby. I questioned the fact I had just and I do MEAN just, like days before, gotten off my birth control prior to getting pregnant. I questioned the argument Mike, and I had on New Years Eve, and I questioned my wine I had at night prior to knowing I was pregnant. Jude's neurosurgeon was so nice when he could tell I was upset, and I now try to reiterate what he said to me to others. He basically told me that there was nothing I could have done differently, and that we just pulled the short stick in life. He said he could tell from my records I was a dedicated and loving mother who did everything I could to have a normal pregnancy, but it just didn't go our way. He said as frustrating as it is there are sometimes no explanations as to why bad things happen to good families.

Yes it does seem unfair that there are so many woman that do not want children that have blissful easy pregnancies. It's also unfair that women who abuse their bodies with drugs, alcohol, and more also have normal pregnancies. Although, would we wish anything less upon them, of course not.

If anyone is thinking of getting pregnant I encourage them to have testing done, take pre natals, abstain from alcohol, and stress. Although, even in those cases we sometimes just grab on to that short end, and something happens like a premature birth, a genetic issue, or yes even a stroke. I guess I have just decided that it's what you do with the stick after you pull it that counts. We have decided to turn ours into a cane, to help us up the mountain we climb.