In my life it's a never ending tug o war of what the world has taught me is correct, and what I feel I must do. My husband has become my sons primary care giver, and I struggle with this everyday. That doesn't mean I don't love my husband with all my heart, and appreciate what he does. It does however mean I get up with a heavy heart I am leaving my children, and a happy heart I have a good job. Again, I reiterate that it is a tug o war of feelings. In my eyes I want to be with my child to help him grow, and develop, as a mother I feel that''s my responsibility. I want to take Emily to softball, and participate in school functions. It is due to my determination that I hold three licenses in my field with near twenty years of experience, and this equates to a nice job. Therefore, I am in the position of providing for my family, and it is sometimes an odd feeling. I understand how men feel with the weight of the world is upon their shoulders because they are solely responsible for the financial outcome of their family's daily living. I also understand how important the woman's role is to the family, and even more how important he stay at homes dad role is. I am sure it's quite the conundrum for my husband too, yet he seems to handle the situation fairly well. He does however get very frustrated with Jude when Jude has a tantrum, and this adds more stress to the situation. I understand how trying it is though, and I think anyone else in the same situation would feel the same way. Although I sometimes wish that Publishers Clearing house would find their way to my door with a check for just enough to pay off my house, ha!
So ignore my prior rant, and let's just chalk that up t something I had to get off my chest. I have stated before that I share my private struggles because I think it's important to see all aspects of what you deal with in situations like ours. So I am happy to report that Jude had a very good day with his therapist yesterday! Luckily our little boy decided to cooperate this week with Leah, and I am happy to report he rolled over TWICE on his own. In addition to that Jude sat a few seconds unassisted, and he was really paying attention to a green sand weight. Jude also seems like he is trying to roll from his back to his front. I am hoping that he will eventually accomplish this task.
I just got off the phone with Baylor our house, and they are setting up the evaluation for speech, and PT for Jude. The speech is suppose to also help with his eating, and they had nutrition therapists on hand if we need one. So on October 1st Jude will be attending his first speech therapy, and then the following Thursday he will attend PT. I think it will be good for him to have a change of scenery, and the availability to additional equipment. I love his therapists that come to the house, but I think this will help too.
We still have to finish getting the rest of Jude's blood work to evaluate any reasoning for the in utero stroke. We got side tracked due to Jude's recent hospital stay, but I am not rushing back to allow them to take more blood either. The next time they need to draw his medication levels we will draw for the additional labs that are needed.
Right now it seems that Jude is making progress, and we are very thankful for that. Although, at times I feel like I am doing a ballet dance and tip toeing through a mine field. I guess we just keep hope that there isn't an underground mine we can't see that is just waiting on us to make a false move.