Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Temper, and emails.

I would like to start this blog out with a glimpse at Jude's little temper.

See no tears:
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Oh wait.........he might have a tiny tear here:
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All better after the paci, and much soothing:
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Next I would like to reference a rather serious subject. Over the course of the past year, and a half since I started my blog I have received many emails. I receive thank you's, advice, and general introductions for moms who are facing similar situations. I love every piece of mail I get because it shows that Jude is helping others through his circumstances, and strength. Although, many times I get emails from moms saying "I am so afraid I did something to cause this", "I had some drinks at night before I knew I was pregnant", "I was on my feet all day, and stressed at work", "what if I caused this at the delivery" etc etc etc. It's the classic "mom guilt". In our society moms of the disabled are sometimes looked down upon by those who don't understand our situations. They don't get that not all pregnancies go according to plan. I too wrestled with guilt wondering what I had done to cause Jude's issues. I literally sat there in the doctor's office looking at the in utero MRI that clearly showed two bilateral spots of blood indicating a stroke, and still questioned myself.

It's almost like my brain knew that there was an explanation for what has happened, but my heart wouldn't accept it. I knew that I had to have done something wrong if I could not fulfill the expectations for having a normal pregnancy, a normal delivery, and a normal baby. I questioned the fact I had just and I do MEAN just, like days before, gotten off my birth control prior to getting pregnant. I questioned the argument Mike, and I had on New Years Eve, and I questioned my wine I had at night prior to knowing I was pregnant. Jude's neurosurgeon was so nice when he could tell I was upset, and I now try to reiterate what he said to me to others. He basically told me that there was nothing I could have done differently, and that we just pulled the short stick in life. He said he could tell from my records I was a dedicated and loving mother who did everything I could to have a normal pregnancy, but it just didn't go our way. He said as frustrating as it is there are sometimes no explanations as to why bad things happen to good families.

Yes it does seem unfair that there are so many woman that do not want children that have blissful easy pregnancies. It's also unfair that women who abuse their bodies with drugs, alcohol, and more also have normal pregnancies. Although, would we wish anything less upon them, of course not.

If anyone is thinking of getting pregnant I encourage them to have testing done, take pre natals, abstain from alcohol, and stress. Although, even in those cases we sometimes just grab on to that short end, and something happens like a premature birth, a genetic issue, or yes even a stroke. I guess I have just decided that it's what you do with the stick after you pull it that counts. We have decided to turn ours into a cane, to help us up the mountain we climb.


Purple Quilter Queen said...

That was a beautifully written post today Jenn. Jude is such a character in those pictures! Cutie! Jenn

Sherry C said...

Well said i have to agree with you whole heartily. Your little boy is beautiful your an amazing mom. Ihave been reading your blog for quite some time. I should post more comments more often. I love Emily smile boxes too you have a beautiful family.

I personally don't play the guilt game... the doctors at the nicu told us very early one this was not our fault. I focused my thoughts on how to help her and she needed alot of help.

Jennifer said...

I know it's usually from a tantrum, but I just love the way that bottom lip comes out.

Candace said...

Jenn, How eloquently spoken. It IS hard to overcome the MOMMY GUILT. I think it always hides in the back of our minds. I can relate b/c I have a sibling with two healthy children who couldn't care less. I just want to shake them, how can they take their healthy children for granted?

Katy said...

I couldnt' agree more! I think we all do the blame game--I know I've done it even though the doctors have told me time and time again that sometimes these things just happen.

Great post.

Mara said...

As always, you always know the right words to say. I really wish we could find a way to bottle you ! There are many times where I could use your strength ! hugs

TMI Tara said...

You. Are. Amazing.

Thank you for bringing up this tough subject and writing about it so eloquently.

I personally believe Chloe's issues are a result of my having ecoli once and food poisoning twice while I was pregnant. Fortunately, I have no guilt for this, although if/when I get pregnant again, I will not go out to eat to avoid the possibility of something like that happening again.