Today started off pretty normal but ended with a bunch of drama. I had a customer come in.........a well known wonderful customer that I really like........that decided I needed to pray for Jude. He asked "How is your baby". I reminded him that my baby had a stroke, but is doing okay and that my older baby was doing much better ... thanks to his prayers. He began to tell me how important it was that I pray daily over Jude for Gods healing. This conversation went on for some time. I felt uncomfortable...........but let me express that I am not resistant to Gods word. I felt a resistance because I believe God accepts Jude for who he is and so do I. I feel like Jude is wonderful just the way he is. To me Jude doesn't need to be "healed" to be normal. My husband says he is a realist and despite prayer he understands that Jude's brain will not heal itself. It's not a lack of faith it's actually the opposite. It's understanding the issues set before us and trusting that the Lords faith and love will guide us through. Trusting the Jude will be well enough to continue his life and that we will have faith enough to guide him through it. I understand my customers motivation for saying what he did, but I guess I see life in a different manner. I thank the Lord for giving me the opportunity for caring for such an amazing and special human being.
On top of that I have had a few people comparing their life to mine tonight and it's really made me angry. That's my personal issue. I need to remember that the people I have talked to may very well be having serious issues. I think about prime pumping Jude's IV feed tonight, bolus pumping his meds, and dealing with several seizures and it makes me jaded. My life isn't harder than anyone else........I just think it is and I quickly checked myself. I shouldn't pity what I do I should praise the strength I have been gifted to deal with an amazing little boy.