Monday, May 16, 2011

He said, she said, you said.

Today started off pretty normal but ended with a bunch of drama. I had a customer come in.........a well known wonderful customer that I really like........that decided I needed to pray for Jude. He asked "How is your baby". I reminded him that my baby had a  stroke, but is doing okay and that my older baby was doing much better ... thanks to his prayers. He began to tell me how important it was that I pray daily over Jude for Gods healing. This conversation went on for some time. I felt uncomfortable...........but let me express that I am not resistant to Gods word. I felt a resistance because I believe God accepts Jude for who he is and so do I. I feel like Jude is wonderful just the way he is. To me Jude doesn't need to be "healed" to be normal. My husband says he is a realist and despite prayer he understands that Jude's brain will not heal itself. It's not a lack of faith it's actually the opposite. It's understanding the issues set before us and trusting that the Lords faith and love will guide us through. Trusting the Jude will be well enough to continue his life and that we will have faith enough to guide him through it. I understand my customers motivation for saying what he did, but I guess I see life in a different manner. I thank the Lord for giving me the opportunity for caring for such an amazing and special human being.

On top of that I have had a few people comparing their life to mine tonight and it's really made me angry. That's my personal issue. I need to remember that the people I have talked to may very well be having serious issues. I think about prime pumping Jude's IV feed tonight, bolus pumping his meds, and dealing with several seizures and it makes me jaded. My life isn't harder than anyone else........I just think it is and I quickly checked myself. I shouldn't pity what I do I should praise the strength I have been gifted to deal with an amazing little boy.


sarah said...

That is definitely a tricky situation. I probably would have stood there and nodded just to make him be quiet, and lied to him and told him I was had been praying daily if he asked next time he came in.

truthfully, you probably are praying for Jude daily, but it isn't the kind of prayer your customer had in mind. Yours are more like "please let him not have a seizure today" and "please don't let him catch Em's mono" instead of "please let Jude be 'normal'"

People almost always think their life is the hardest.Yours IS much harder than mine. I know that I do have a tough time since I have a 15 year old with aspergers and a mood disorder. It bugs me that most of my friends just don't *get* how tough things are at my house when my son's meds aren't right. They were appalled when I used to tell them about having to do a take down, so I stopped telling them :( But I know I have things much easier than my friend who has 2 spectrum kids, or my other friend who has a 3 year old who is vent dependent and has CP.

Anonymous said...

Jenn you handle things with such grace. First, you were so wise to think of the fact that everyone has their own issues going on and you took a step back. Second, you knew there was no need to argue, or defend your actions. This man is not educated to Jude's condition or your situation. I am sure it is frustrating it is to feel like someone is saying that you have no faith but he has no idea what is going on with Jude. I know how it is when someone tries to push their beliefs on you when they do not know your situation, and you just have to smile and thank them for their concern and push back with just as much "Charm" as they are giving you. It really feels like you are being bullied, and I hate that someone did that to you. No one deserves that. Lastly, know that you are not being petty getting upset when someone compares their life to yours. Just have patience. They know their complaint cant compare, they more than likely just need to be the center of attention or need some sort of acknowledgement. I sat and listened to my neighbor complain about how her Gucci shoes were 2 shades off and it was ruining her life on the year anniversary of my moms death. She knew what day it was, 2 min before she had said if I needed anything to let her know. Keep your head up and know that you are doing great!