I watched the following video the other day and I quickly processed it, but I held off posting anything. I have seen several video's now with people flipping through there emotional lives on paper with writing. It's a profound way to speak to others, but it's getting to the point it's been "done". However, this mother's message was.....of course.....personal to me.
I watched her talk about how excited she and her husband were to have a baby. How excited they were to learn it was a boy, and how sad they learned there was something wrong with their child. How hard it was to listen to doctor's saying the prognosis looked worse and the eventual joy of delivery. I also know the feeling of hearing whispers, feeling stares, and hearing other children ask "but why is he like that?". I have felt others stares and fielded those questions for awhile now.
I forever have the words embedded in my brain..."the first year is the hardest". I heard this phrase many times from veteran special needs moms after Jude was diagnosed. It's SO TRUE! I thought these jaded women that had been through my situation were just full of it, but man they know what they are talking about! The woman in this video knows that too. The first year after having a special needs child IS THE HARDEST! Whether you are in NICU, at home, in the hospital, or in another situation.. it is difficult. It's a time of questions, confusion, education, and acceptance. It is the very definition of grieving mixed with an educational sense of overcoming fantasy. You accept REALITY! You embrace what other people may never know. You learn to either keep your head up and march on or find an excuse to drown yourself in failure and medication.
This mom found peace and brillance in her child just like I did. This baby can offer more to humanity than most men sparked in suit and ties (and they think they rule the world). Our special children offer a beacon of hope to those that struggle with stress, grief, and more. They can show you what life really means and what a heart is meant to do.