A weekend update.

Overall it's been a great weekend, but Jude has been very "pukey" today. That's the label he has been asssigned.  He has thrown up several times and we have been through countless towels, and blankets with him. We are going to have to find a solution to this issue. Charlotte suggested that Jude's feeds are all given during the night, and that may be the answer. During the night we are able to slowly administer his formula and Jude does not retch at all. He just wakes up wanting to be repositioned, but who can blame him. After hours of being on the same side I would want to be moved too. So you guessed it....decreasing the iron didn't work.

Fleck came over this weekend and helped me out with my Scentsy party on Saturday afternoon. She is going through a hard time, and I think we both needed some girl therapy. She stayed the night, and we got up this morning to enjoy some casual chit-chat. Mike and Fleck crack me up how they constantly giving each other a hard time.  Every time they see each other they start play arguing.  I truly believe they have developed a brother/sister type bond. Fleck also watched Jude for me while I took a much needed bath. I had one horrible heckalacious allergy attack this weekend. Picture Will Smith in Hitch when his eye swelled up and he looked terrible. That was me walking around Albertons telling Fleck I was pretty sure I might die in the baby aisle. We were both laughing so hard we were in tears. 

I am truly getting excited about our impending vacation .... although now mother nature seems to be rearing her head. I logged into the computer today with the bold Yahoo headline of "Coldest and worst weather Texas has seen in decades" really? I refuse to believe it's going to get that bad. I have faith my family will make it in, and Mike and I will be on our way to Maui.

In regards to our trip I have been dieting, working out, and tanning. I was working hard to get myself into shape.....to the point that I wasn't very happy. It took my husband saying, "you will be the most beautiful and most wanted woman in Maui regardless of how you think you look" to make me stop.  He made me take a step back and realize I truly am okay just the way I am. So I let my hair down a bit this weekend. I pigged out on nacho's with my friend, and just relaxed. I know I have a great guy that loves me, and that I am truly self confident with who I am. I may have mommy scars, but I am still pretty just the way I am. As a rule I eat healthy, and I am active so I am truly okay with myself.

So with all the prayers that have been routed our way it seems that Mike may indeed have an incredible job lined up. This is all thanks to his awesome best friend Chris, and all those that have supported us. If this pans out I feel like things maybe changing for us. For the first time this weekend I looked at my friend and said......I feel like I can breathe. I then took the biggest breath in that filled my lungs and exhaled all the negative.  With that comment she said "Do you promise to slow down if this happens??" I promised her I would.   

A nursing home and some shots.

Jude had his shots today the poor little fella. Mike said he had a seizure when they gave the first poke, and cried when they did the second. I wish I had been there to comfort him. Poor baby has no idea why someone is hurting him.

So our lovely nurse Alan brought us a bunch of diapers from another family. I am afraid they were so much bigger than Jude.......like they could fit Emily. I thought we could store them, but then decide that they could benefit someone else right now. So I took them to the nursing home by my office and they were SO excited!!! They said their residents loved the brand I brought and they had just had to change due to insurance regulations. So they were beyond thrilled. They also said they were in desperate need of smalls. She explained that many times people forget the elderly and that they are in such need of items like diapers, clothes, and toiletries. I had forgotten myself but I will remember who to donate my clothes and such to now.

Well have a good weekend all.

American Idol and baby Jude.

Last night Emily and I were watching American Idol. Well I was half watching it while cleaning around the kitchen, when I heard a story that made me stop in my tracks. By the end of this segment I had rewound the TIVO, and yelled for Mike to come downstairs. When the episode had played back we were both in tears, and as much as I love Steven Tyler, I love him even more now. Please watch.

I was so touched by their story in the above video, and I was even more touched when I saw my own little brain injured baby trying to lift his head over and over. He is my little hero.

The iron and a baby

Well it seems Jude has not thrown up today which is a sign that the pediatrician might be on to something when she eliminated the iron. I am cautiously optimistic in thinking this situation could be solved with such a simple solution. Jude slept pretty well last night, he only needed to be repositioned twice. Although the cat woke me up about 2, and I had trouble going back to sleep. Is that an issue with getting older? Not being able to sleep?

So I went to see my friend Kelly's baby today. She had a little girl named Amelia, and she is super cute. While I was holding her I caught myself wondering how I couldn't tell Jude wasn't 100% healthy when he was a newborn. I guess tiny babies can mask neurological problems. Anyway, here is a picture of Miss Pretty Amelia.

shaking my head busy

I have little time to talk to anyone, and I apologize.

Here is a quick update. Jude went to his new pediatrician yesterday and she was phenomenal. Seems she lost a special needs baby at only 9 months so she was very sweet to Jude. She said she believes Jude's iron level may be upsetting his stomach, and per her blood tests she was right. So she nixed Jude's iron supplement, and also requested we get his vaccines. We were opposed to getting them due tot he controversy. She explained that she wouldn't do the controversial vaccines, but she highly recommends flu, and pertussis. She said Jude would not be able to survive Pertussis (whooping cough) and she is right. So he has an appointment on Friday for those shots. Jude then got to go see his GI specialist today, and he cut back Jude's food rate. He is over riding the nutritionist and cutting it back due to weight, and his retching. So Jude is having a very busy week.

Em and I got in a terrible fight last night, and I yelled very loudly at her. I feel just terrible! I hate I yelled at her.

Saturday's blog (a little late)

My day started about 5am when Jude beckoned to be repositioned in his bed. The abrupt start to my day was then laced with animals barking, Jude whining, and an alarm clock howling. I soon face a Saturday filled with a combination of Jude smiling, my husband requesting breakfast, and a busy schedule laid out before me. I started the day with selling raffle tickets with our friend Natalie to benefit Emily's Smile Boxes. Her fiance's mother so graciously offered up the local Schlotzky's to generate funds. We set up camp in their foyer, and Natalie was quick to sale anyone that walked through the door. I was hoping we would generate about $2000 from this raffle, and fully fund the spring and summer boxes. I am not sure we will reach that goal, but many people have thankfully contributed. I think that many of us ignore community service because we don't truly understand how we can touch those that need it most. If we truly understood how difficult the life is living on the inside of a hospital we would all quickly depart with the $2 it takes to purchase a raffle ticket. People avoid our sales table like the plague at some local places, when they haven't the faintest clue as we what Emily's Smile Boxes represents. I remind myself that I cannot judge them, they just don't know any better, and some people don't have funds to give right now.

I then had a Scentsy party tonight with a dear friend. Our daughters did a pageant together more than ten years ago, and to date she has remained one of my closest friend. She holds a Scentsy party for me about every three months. She is in a rural part of town, and it helps everyone in her area to keep up on the current scents, but my friend........well she knows it helps me too. While I was there tonight we started talking about old days, and laughed so hard. I was laughing harder than I have laughed in awhile, I noticed Emily was too. At one point I think we were both snorting, which should account for a good night.

Once at home I held Jude for a really long time, and kissed all over him. He smiled, and smiled as I kissed him. Just is still retching from the saliva his low tone won't swallow. This is in turn making him throw up over and over. It's been very trying and I am not sure what we can do, if anything at all. They are talking about doing another swallow study and maybe some electrical therapy on his throat to stimulate swallowing.


So..........I have an announcement, and I am sure people will be opinionated, but I ask you to hear me out. Emily has always LOVED the pageant scene, but I had a hard time keeping up with the demands, and some of the moms (giggle). If it was up to her she would do them all the time, but I am selective. I do believe pageants helped Emily become confident in public speaking, and comfortable on a stage.  I have an extensive sales background, and I love to throw an amazing event.  Mike has a background in photography, and videography. We have jointly decided start a pageant that will focus on teaching young ladies that if they focus on their inner beauty than their outer beauty will shine through. We want to focus our attention on a natural beauty or a toned down approach. We will be awarding an Emily's Smile Boxes scholarship of $500 to the one girl that donates the most time to community service throughout the year. She must show her community service work through pictures, and a letter of recommendation from a principal, girl scout leader, or teacher. When the girls arrive for registration I would like each of them to make a card to go inside an Emily's Smile Box. I would also like them to bring crayons, and coloring books as part of their registration fee for the boxes.  In addition I want to hold a banquet at the pageant and $5 of every dinner ticket will go to a charity we will choose, and announce. Then at the banquet we will have a speaker that will talk to the girls about the benefits of helping others. I want it to be an amazing fun filled weekend for the young ladies. Our top winner will receive $2500 in cash, and our grand talent will win $1500 cash. So there will be some amazing awards. Yes, I am always busy.......but this is something I would LOVE. Mike has an investor, and will be doing all photography, and videography at the event. We are shooting for late July and we are very excited. We found an amazing hotel that is working with us for the event, and have already discussed production design with others. So far my friends and family I have mentioned this to have been amazingly supportive. I have had offers to help in every capacity which is amazing. Everyone seems to think it will be a great venture and will have a positive affect on the lives e touch. Anyway, wish us luck!

I am not doing much today. I was suppose to go to Polar Ice to sell more raffle tickets but Mike has to go work, and I have a gummy tummy.

So my sister posted this picture last night, and I just loved it. Look how teary the grandparents are when Jude was born.

Zzzzzzzz

I am sleep deprived again....bad. Mike will currently stay with Jude from about 11-1 and then come to bed. After that I get up and down with Jude. This week Jude has been constantly complaining from his bed and wants to be repositioned over and over. I will do anything for my kids, but the problem is that when I wake up .. I have a hard time going back to sleep. I am not sure if the answer is the respite money to get a nurse at night, asking for more hours, or just dealing with it. We also have concern because of Jude choking on his salivia at night. Jude seems to have his good weeks, and his bad weeks when it comes to sleeping. I am really to tired to type a lot today.

Anyway, the Emily's Smile Boxes raffle is up and going on her site. You can purchase tickets at www.emilyssmileboxes.com. Click on the raffle button and then follow the prompts. This will fully fund her Spring and Summer box drop offs. Please help us spread the word. Thanks!

A happy video

I love this video of Jude. Mike and Emily were both playing with Jude in the floor. I look forward to hearing his little sounds every night when I get home.

I tried to post this video several times yesterday but it wouldn't work. So you are actually getting two blogs in one today. When I got home last night Jude was asleep on his blanket, and he stayed that way for awhile. When he woke up he was very smiley, but he also seemed very restless. Jude's nurse had explained he had been rather restless all day. Since he was asleep when I got home I figured he would be rather difficult to get back to sleep for the night. I took him into my bed, we both snuggled up, and Jude fell fast asleep. Mike said he moved Jude to his bed about midnight and then came to bed. About 2:14am Jude started grunting and moving around and the lights on the baby monitor started flashing. It was a continuous stream of me walking into his bedroom to reposition Jude. I didn't get back to sleep until after 5:30, and that was short lived. I was a bit frustrated at that point so I started waking Mike up to go tend to Jude. Mike was able to tune most everything out last night ...... I guess he needed the sleep.

This morning nurse Charlotte said Jude's temp was at 98.8. Jude's temp normally ranges in the 96.4 -96.8 area. I know that sounds strange, but my temp is always 97.4. If I run a normal temp of 98.6 I am sick, yep I am weird. Anyway, Charlotte said he has a lot of phloem but Jude's lungs sound clear. This could be another teething episode, it's always a guessing game with Jude.

Hopefully tonight we will gain more sleep. Oh and my daughter has a current obsession with Monopoly. I have never lost at Monopoly, and she beat me last night!!! I couldn't believe it :)

Just feed me fat

I had a busy day yesterday that ended with working at a Scentsy party. I was starving by the time I got home. This was my conversation with Mike.

Me: I am tired, and very hungry
Mike: I am sorry
Me: I am SICK of this diet, you know what I want
Mike: Chocolate cake?
Me: Yea! Like just Crisco and a spoon

He cracked up! You will be happy to know I didn't eat any cake.

I am spending the day on the couch doing very little today. Just having some me time, and relaxing. Jude is currently on his tummy getting his morning feed. He seems to be a bit congested, but overall is going well.

Dear Grammar police

I have said from the start of this blog that I am not here for anyone to critique my use of punctuation. To be honest I don't write this blog for anyone but myself. I don't claim to be a perfect speller, or perfect with punctuation. I have never been great with commas or anything else pertaining to punctuation. I do however enjoy writing, and my blog is a necessary relief for my emotions regarding a tragic situation. If you don't like the way I write or where I place a comma.........don't come back. Did I make myself clear enough for you? Good!

So the next time you decide to leave a hateful message under someones blog, don't do it here. I have repeated over and over from the start that I have poor use of punctuation, so that leads me to believe you are new.

Also keep in mind that I am usually doing three things at once when I write my blog. I get offers on a consistent basis to have people advertise on my blog, or to have me do a review of their products. My blog is a diary to me, and not here for advertising. I know many people make their livings with their blogs, which is fine, but that's not my goal.

I am Ok with everything

Last night I took the cutest video of Jude playing with Mike and Emily. I am afraid I left my camera at home, so I will have to share the video on Monday. Although, while watching Jude interact with our family I felt a sense of calmness last night. I no longer panic at the thought of my child growing old, and I and never leaving our house. I feel the opposite now, because I think I have come to terms with everything. I guess it took me over two years to conquer the grief of losing my ideal perfect pregnancy, and baby. I now am very grateful for Jude, and I see clearly what a blessing he has been in our life. We are getting to the point that we no longer avoid places because of Jude's issues, but plan how to accommodate him the best. We will not be limited, and neither will he. I actually feel lucky that I have been chosen to experience a side of life that most people never will. I know how truly grateful you should be for healthy child, or any child. How special it is to see your baby accomplish something a doctor never said he would. I also know how one child can reach thousands of people teach them just how precious life is. I look at life differently now, and I am grateful.

Mike got a lead on an incredible job. I am not sure it will pan out, but some prayers will be appreciated. I won't know anything any time soon, but this would be a great spot for him, I know he would love it.

and this is what happens......

Welcome to another addition, of this is what happens when the pre - teen gets your camera. I was trying to film Jude "talking" to Emily, to show an example of what I was blogging about yesterday. So Emily took over, but decided to take pictures vs film. I have another twenty pictures on my camera, she cracks me up.

Therapy updates, and speech issues explained

It's been another busy day. I wanted to take a few minutes to update regarding Jude's therapy session today. We were telling his speech therapist Jennifer how Jude has been mouthing the word "Hi", but nothing comes out. I mentioned this in my blog yesterday. Jennifer said she believes Jude has Speech Apraxia http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/apraxia.htm. She said there is controversy on children having this condition, but she sees it on a daily basis. It's basically when a stroke victim tries to speak, and the issues it causes. Jude's brain knows he wants to say "Hi", but getting his body doesn't want to cooperate because of the damage done by the stroke. Mike and I both grew very interested in what she was saying, and I relayed to her that he has the same issues with reaching, grabbing, and moving. She said there is also Apraxia of the limbs which can also be caused by stroke. I told her that I constantly say that I think Jude is more aware of what is going on then we give him credit for, he just cannot show us he is aware physically.

We are going to ask the new pediatrician for a prescription for aquatic therapy. Jude loves the bath tub, and the range of motion is better in water for children with cerebral palsy. I think this will benefit him.

Here are some pictures of his PT therapist Kelly working with Jude on their scooter board. I really want one of these cool things. It's like a little wheelchair on a board. Once she positioned Jude's feet correctly he would actually move the scooter. He made it all the way to where I was sitting holding the camera. I was very proud of him. Now, if I can just get Mike to cut Jude's Beatles hairdo.

A conversation of sorts

I have been craaaazy busy at work today, which has been wonderful. I just looked up and realized it was 3:40, the time flew. So I decided to take a break for a few minutes, and post an update.

Jude is still retching, and rather violently. We are getting used to scrubbed throw up out of blankets again, and changing his clothes more frequently. Eventually he will have to go back in and see the GI specialist. I know Charlotte his nurse is very attentive to this issue, and he is in good hands during the day. Jude only woke up three times last night, so we were able to get some decent sleep. I feel much better today, and I am sure Jude does too.

Last night I put Jude in his new jammies that my cousin bought him so he would stay warm. It was suppose to be super cold last night, and since he is near a window I didn't want him to shiver. He looked so adorable in his new little Pj's, and he was so cute with his dad. Mike was talking to Jude, and Jude would move his mouth to mimic Mike. To mimic is a trait infants display, but it's such progression for Jude. He mouths the word "Hi" but doesn't say it all the time. He also looks like he is carrying on a conversation at times, but nothing is coming out. It's actually pretty cute. Here is a picture of my boys carrying on a "conversation".

It's Monday

Well same song different verse. I counted, I was up 14 times last night, add that to Mike's 3 times, and we had an eventful night. I am not sure what to do. I listened to the comments about asking for a nurse at night, and that may be an option. If we can get one full nights sleep I week, I really think we will be doing much better.

Jude was very cute again this weekend. He would giggle, and smile every time I kissed his forehead, so I made a point to do that a lot. I also repeated "mommy" over and over, while showing him our sign of rubbing his cheek. Several times I caught Jude making sounds, and trying to get his hand to his cheek. We had a few friends over Saturday night, and we showed off Jude's new found skills. He did well showing them how he is holding his head up better, and how he makes some sounds now. I think Jude is more aware of his surroundings then people give him credit for.

We found a pediatrician that Jude will be going to see for the first time on Monday the 24th. I am hoping that she is wonderful, and has a good bedside manner. Well it's back to work Monday, and back to working out. So far I have lost 6.3 pounds, but I slipped a little this weekend. I ate well, but had some wine Saturday night with my friends, so it's back to the diet. Maui is weeks away, and I am thrilled.

I am still collecting donations for Emily's Smile box fundraiser. Since I haven't heard from the radio station that approached us yet, I have to find a way to fund the spring Smile Boxes. If you know of a business that would be willing to donate, and market to new clients, please email me.

I love Saturdays

Jude was up and down last night again, but Mike really helped out with him. Jude's nurse Alan showed up at 8am, and Mike and I were able to go back to sleep. I was only able to sleep for another hour, but it was so nice!!! I turned off the monitor, turned on my loud fan, and crawled into bed. It was so relaxing.

Jude's button got stuck with Nexium for the first time with Alan. We showed him how we pull the button out to clear it out, and then put it back in. It's amazing how calm we are now vs how panicked we were when he first got his button. We are thankful there have been so many supportive people walking us through our path since his G button surgery. The doctor said Jude's Nissen appears to be in place, and prescribed a new anti reflux medication. In addition Alan turned Jude's feed down to 125 today, and it seems to be helping with his retching.

I showed Alan today how Jude will look around if I ask him, "where is Emily?". Jude will literally turn his head to look all around for her. He also reached out today and pet Bigs when Bigs was on the nurses lap. I am not sure if it was on purpose, but it was really cute.

I am taking Emily out for a bit this afternoon. Tomorrow I have a Scentsy party, which I am thankful for. A big thank you to everyone who prayed for nurse Charlotte's husband. She said one day she found him praying over his bible, and he told her that regardless of the outcome he was at peace. Well the next day he felt better, and his CT scan shows his lungs are now clear. Amazing huh?

fate, and my car

Well this morning about 4am I was close to tears, but I didn't tell Mike. I am so tired of waking up so many times a night, and I wonder if it is always going to be like this. Jude is worth it, but I need a full nights uninterrupted sleep, bad. Mike made an interesting comment last night, which made me start to think. He said that we can never escape our fate, and if we try to, it will find us in the end. I took care of my grandmother for years because she was elderly, and ended her life with dementia. Taking care of the elderly is very trying, and if you haven't done it, you just cannot understand. So in the end her dementia got very bad, and since Em was just a baby, the doctor suggested a nursing home. I felt terrible putting her in, but I did. On top of that my life was so busy, that I should have visited her more than once or twice a week. Anyway, I have always felt very guilty about my grandmother. I was very young when I was taking care of her, and I could have done a better job.

So on a lighter note, let's talk about my car. When we bought our house I got rid of my expensive piece of poo BMW, and got a Chrysler Sebring. Little did I know that I would really need an SUV that would house a wheelchair. Anyway, so my little Sebring has been pretty reliable, but man........it's now the comical existence of my life. Right after the warranty expired, my horn decided to start playing tricks on me. One morning on my way to work I was sitting at a red light, and my horn just started blaring for no reason. I hit the horn several times trying to make it stop, but all you would hear is BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I began to panic as the people in the cars around me began to glare at me with resentment, and the horn finally shut off. This happened to me several more times before Mike finally pulled out the circuit that stops the horn. I got rather good at just waving at people in the other cars with the Miss America wave. I figured it would make them wonder if I was really crazy, or was it the car that had the issue. So we finally took the car in, and found out the entire horn pad was out, and it would be $900 to replace it. So since we didn't have the extra money at that time, we went on our way. I figured if I got really mad at someone I could just roll down my window, and shout. Although, it is important to get this replaced at some point, because it could notify someone of an impending accident. So, since I still had my working drivers side window I felt alright, until it decided to stop working too. So now if there is an issue I just look like I am insane bouncing up and down, waving my arms from behind the steering wheel. Imagine the stares I get! Imagine going through the drive through, or the ATM....I open my car door every time, and people just look at me strange.  So this is on the #1 to do list when we get back from vacation. Operation fix Jenn's car.

an upper GI and a raffle

Jude had an upper GI today at Dallas Medical City. They were very quick in scheduling the procedure when they heard he was vomiting again. To our surprise the tech said she doesn't see where the Nissen looks torn. She is going to let the specialist look at it, but she believes everything is in place. She said that some children begin retching so violently that they can actual produce vomit. Jude is now vomiting again up to three times a day.

So last night I was sitting on the couch holding Jude, and he was just so precious. He sticks his tongue out at me in this cute way, shoots me a grin, and flashes his little dimple. So I was kissing him on his forehead, and he was just giggling away. Then I would say, "Jude, where is sissy? Where is Emmy?". He would look at me serious, then slowly turn his head to look for her, and smile when he found her. We were very proud of this progress. He knows who his family is.

So I am working on raising money for the Emily's Smile Boxes spring boxes. We are completely depleted on funds, and so it's like starting from scratch. I decided to hold a raffle beginning the week of 1/23/11. So far I have received several donations, but we need some really good ones. If you know any companies willing to donate, and thus achieve advertising on their part, and helping us, please let me know. Anything is truly appreciated. Plus, it's all tax deductible.

The Nissen issue, the throw up, and was justice served in Texas?

Jude threw up again last night. I called the GI specialist and left a message. I asked for the nurse, but once I explained the situation the receptionist said I needed to talk to the doctor, or his surgical associate, CRUD! Jude cannot throw up because of his aspiration issue. I really feel terrible when he throws up because he just hates it. On top of that he gets extremely scared when he hears the suction unit, he just looks terrified, and it breaks my heart. Besides the throw up incident he did very well last night. He probably woke up a total of five times last night, but that is a good night. Mike got up with him three times, and I got up with him twice. I think Mike felt bad after the incident I blogged about yesterday so he insisted on getting up with Jude last night. He was very smiley when he woke up this morning, so I think Jude got some great rest.

Our systems are down at work which is annoying me because my desk looks like a hurricane hit it. I am trying to patiently wait for them to come back up so I can get to work.

Last night I started reading a magazine that comes specifically to our area because we are still considered to be in a "rural" neighborhood. It was discussing the fact that there is a huge shortage of large animal vets in Texas. Emily's childhood goal was to go to A&M and become a vet. She is now teetering on that, or being an attorney. I am sure that will change fifty times, but they are great goals. Honestly, it's funny because they were my goals too, and I finally disclosed that to her last night. Unfortunately, I decided that high school was more about having a good time than making good greats, and thus it sealed my fate. My government teacher begged me to try to be an attorney, and offered to write me a letter of recommendation for college. I love my career, but looking back I should have applied myself more. So why am I discussing this? Let me explain.

If I had been an attorney I would have chose criminal defense. For years my uncle was a criminal defense attorney, and was very good at it. One day I asked him "Shawn, why did you choose this profession?". He is a wise man, and he replied "Because 10% of everyone sitting on death row is innocent". Wow, how profound. Since I live in my "perfect bubble" I had never considered that our justice system would put an innocent person on death row. I wondered how those people felt, and what kind of lives they lead in prison. My uncles statement has always stayed with me. I have never shared with him what a profound impact it had on me, but it did.

So why am I talking about this? Well there is one case in particular that has haunted me, and I have driven my friends crazy with over the years. Darlie Routier. She currently sits on death row in Gatesville Texas for the murder of her son. Both her children were brutally murdered on the night in question, but they only tried her for one child. This case was sad, it was tragic, and two little boys lost their precious lives. So do I know she is innocent of this crime? No, I don't ... only Darlie really knows the truth. I do however think her trial was the biggest mess, and she was railroaded. I cannot see my uncle ever allowing many of the issues that her trial had to ever take place. This was a very high profile murder case, and the jury wasn't even sequestered. They were able to roam the town, listen to conversations, read the newspapers, and watch media influence. There were mounds of evidence not entered into the trial, and I believe the whole situation was handled incorrectly from the start.

So what's the story? Well you can read more on that here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darlie_Routier . I won't rehash everything on here because it's just so terrible. I do believe the attorney's, and even the judge were shocked at the death penalty conviction she received. To receive the death penalty you have to show the person is a continued threat, this after Darlie had never shown any violence in her life until now (supposedly). So why has this case fascinated me for so long? It just doesn't all add up. Here are my questions.

1. How did the husband not hear anything? What about their dog?
2. Why would she only wash the sink? That makes no sense? Why use her OWN kitchen knife?
3. How in the world could she possibly plant a tube sock with both children's blood over 3 houses away. This would have had to have been done while she was on the phone with the 911 office, so it's impossible
4. The bloody knife only had 1 child's blood on it, where was the other knife used?
5. Who's bloody fingerprints are inside the house that they haven't been DNA tested?
6. Who was the man outside the home that said he was her husband Darin Routier when the police arrived, yet they found Darin inside the house?
7. Check our her pictures on http://www.fordarlieroutier.org/ your telling me that's self inflicted?
8. The media showed her famous "silly string" cemetery video which basically convicted her. Yes, it was strange but she was drugged up, there were several children there, and they didn't show the hour footage beforehand of her wailing at the kids graves.
9. What about her husbands confession to friends that he had indeed tried to hire people to break in for insurance fraud.
10. What about the other people in the neighborhood who claimed someone tried to break in that night.

There are countless other questions I have, but I didn't sit on the jury. Although, several jurors have come forward saying if they had seen the pictures of her bruises, and other evidence they could not have convicted her. Darlie was media judged based on her appearance, but her appearance doesn't make her a killer http://www.justicefordarlie.net/. Barbara Davis who wrote the book "Precious Angels" against Darlie even retracted her statements, and went public she believes Darlie is innocent. You can see her statement here http://www.authorbarbaradavis.com/statement.php.

Like I said, I don't know if she is innocent, but there was definatley reasonable doubt. I do believe she should get a new trial based on all the conflicting information that came out after the trial. Not to mention Jurors received a trial transcript with 33,000 errors. The prosecuting attorney has just been indicted falsifying government documents. This a man who once asked "what if Darlie is innocent", replied "Then that just proves I am a damn good attorney". So who knows what the answer is. There are two little children that lost their lives in 1996, and I pray justice is served to whomever committed this awful crime.

Food for thought....... since 1973, 132 people have been released from death row proven innocent. 10 people (that we know of) have been executed for crimes they didn't commit. Also, how many people were just "sure" that the Ramsey's killed Jon Benet..........until they were vindicated. Just something to think about. 

OK there is my strange rant for the day, but like I said criminology, and the law have always interested me.  

Back to the grindstone

Someone wished that my new year would be full of more sleep, didn't work, but thanks for trying. I went to bed feeling horrible last night, and Jude got up at 5am. On top of that Mike, and I fought again because I cannot just let Jude cry, I have tired, but I can't. I am sure that's a guilt issue, but I cannot let him just sit in his bed and cry. I feel like I am unsure if he might retch, or seize. There was a time I would let Emily soothe herself a bit, but I still never let her cry and cry in her crib either.  So since he was irritated, I grabbed my blanket and pillow, and went to sleep with Jude. Honestly, it was pretty comfy, and Jude finally went to sleep until my alarm went off, about twenty minutes later. At least I got some sleep throughout the night, I know there are many out there that get little to none.

I was pretty mad that I started feeling bad again yesterday. I went back on my diet yesterday and loaded myself with fresh fruits, and veggies. Maybe my body is already revolting against the no fat, no sugar, no alcohol regime. All I know is I once again have a stuffy nose, and achy body thus making me want to strangle mother nature. I am trying to keep a positive attitude today, but just grrrrrrr it's fading fast. To top off my grumpiness Jude's Nissen is really blown. He was throwing up so bad this weekend it was spewing out his nose, and he would get very angry. I have gotten very handy with the suction machine. I am just hoping this is not going to cause an aspiration problem. We are making Jude an appointment with the specialist some time in the near future to be seen about the vomiting. We also put a call into his Neurologist. It seems the G button material can be rapidly deteriorated by the seizure medications Jude takes. The insurance doesn't want to cover more than 1 G Button ever 6 months, and thus leaves us in a bind. So we are trying to get a prescription written for more than what is currently supplied.

I made a list of items we need to take care of this week. One of the top priorities is finding a pediatrician that will accept Jude's Medicaid through the MDCP program. I would prefer to find one that is associated with Dallas Medical City. Before, you recommend your pediatrician you might ask if they actually take Medicaid because everyone I have called someone has recommended doesn't take it. I am still livid that Jude's doctor has the capability of taking it, but doesn't. He still sees Emily who is on full group insurance through Aetna, so you would think he would make an exception for Jude.  

Well I will leave you with happy thoughts. This is one of my best friends " Fleck" that I always talk about. I am so lucky to have her around. We both had rosy cheeks, but mine is worse. We were both "hot" in my house. Hope that doesn't mean we are getting older, hahaha! She makes me laugh all the time! It's nice having good friends.