Saturday, May 14, 2016


I seem to be doing a bit better. Sometimes I feel guilty for that but I guess I am
beginning to feel like I can at least breathe again. The one issue I have had since Jude passed that I can not stand is absolutely debilitating panic attacks. I mean the type where you feel like you're having a heart attack but you know you aren't. Anything can bring them on driving (mostly), stressful situations, talking about Jude, finances, really anythjng. Yet again it's something I have learned that's normal. I am hoping they will ease soon.

My office is getting out back together so I should be back to work next week. Mike is doing pretty well and so is Emily.

My thoughts of Jude and his sweet smile and squishy cheeks  are beginning to bring me smiles versus pure despair. I remind myself that Jude struggled for so long and as selfish as I am and how I want him here I just cannot have that. It wouldn't even be fair of me to ask that from him. He is breathing easy now.

Today I have a full list of items to do from Emily's concert or dress shopping.

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