My - Heart - Hurts.
It's so selfish!! Jude is NO longer in pain but man my heart hurts. I feel like I have been cut in two and I keep thinking about his nurses as well. I want one more day to hold Jude and kiss his little head as I take in his sweet smell. We will be okay............it just takes time. Time! Emily went back to school today and although she said she wasn't ready to "life"' yet she held up pretty well!!
We are leaving Saturday and will be back on Tuesday. As I mentioned before the nights are almost unbearable for me. So we are getting away for a bit so I can try to come to terms with everything. Mike seems to be my rock and is handling things so much better than I am. I am a broken mess and I always thought the roles would be reversed. So I am very thankful that he is here and holding my hand. Today when we got home from errands the company that was ordering Jude's new wheelchair was here waiting for us.......ninja! Anyway, we explained what happened and the salesman explained he had lost FOUR children! He said he and his wife had 6 and they had lost 4 in various tragic circumstances. I breathed deeply and counted my blessings.
I will blog when we get back and I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for the food, flowers, and for allowing me to grieve in the way I need to. I miss this sweet little face but I will choose to believe he is here in my heart.