In the past I have watched other parents before me grieve for their children and I could not relate to their emotions. Sometimes their posts were a bit overwhelming so I would bypass them with a heavy heart. This may be one of those posts some may want to avoid. I am broken hearted. I may seem like a pillar is strength but when I get home and the silence sets in I miss my Jude. Tonight when we finally arrived home from Jude's services I needed to take a bath. I turned to ask Emily to watch Jude and just sighed and touched my chest. Not only did I realize Jude is not there but I realized Emily is leaving soon too and Mikes father is still also very ill. It all became very overwhelming. I just wanted to take Jude out of his bed and hold him in our normal fashion while I smelled his sweet hair and kissed his forehead.
I remember when Jude was very ill or another pediatric stroke parent lost their child I thought the world should stop, but it doesn't work that way. I have a husband that feels alone because I'm grieving so bad my entire body aches and I have a daughter that cannot be alone at night. All this but tomorrow it will be just another Wednesday for most people filled with work and school. Just another day of the week but the weeks march on and we must March on too. Tomorrow proves to be difficult as we donate all of his items to those that need them. His organs may have been to damaged but his equipment will help so many. Thank you to all that came to his service!!
Mike and I may go away for awhile. There are no final plans because I'm really tired but if it all comes together I'm shutting my phone and blog off for a few days. Thank you so much to all those that loved my Jude! I know we will get through this and Jude will be there holding our hands.