Thursday, April 14, 2016


My - Heart - Hurts.

It's so selfish!! Jude is NO longer in pain but man my heart hurts. I feel like I have been cut in two and I keep thinking about his nurses as well. I want one more day to hold Jude and kiss his little head as I take in his sweet smell. We will be just takes time. Time! Emily went back to school today and although she said she wasn't ready to "life"' yet she held up pretty well!!

We are leaving Saturday and will be back on Tuesday. As I mentioned before the nights are almost unbearable for me. So we are getting away for a bit so I can try to come to terms with everything.  Mike seems to be my rock and is handling things so much better than I am. I am a broken mess and I always thought the roles would be reversed. So I am very thankful that he is here and holding my hand. Today when we got home from errands the company that was ordering Jude's new wheelchair was here waiting for! Anyway, we explained what happened and the salesman explained he had lost FOUR children! He said he and his wife had 6 and they had lost 4 in various tragic circumstances. I breathed deeply and counted my blessings.

I will blog when we get back and I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for the food, flowers, and for allowing me to grieve in the way I need to. I miss this sweet little face but I will choose to believe he is here in my heart.


Jennifer said...

They say When you have a child, its like a having a living, breathing piece of your soul outside of your body. I imagine losing a child would be like losing a piece of your soul all over again. I've been reading Jude's story here for awhile and I'm so, so sorry to hear of his passing.
Jude was truly a beautiful child that was loved very much. If it's ok I'd like to tell my boys about Jude and about how strong he was and how hard he fought.

Micernice said...

Thinking of you. Sending you thoughts of peace. You are an amazing mamma who did amazing things for her boy.