When I was a child my elementary school teachers would read our class a story about Stone Soup. It told the story of a stranger walking into a village hungry and looking for food but no one would give him anything to eat. The only material item the wanderer had was a large pot. So he filled it full of water, made a fire, and put the pot on to boil. Soon he put a stone in and began to loudly talk about the amazing aroma that filled the air. Villagers began to ask him what the wanderer was cooking and he would reply, "Stone soup and it tastes so good but it needs something else to make it taste better." Villagers began to offer up carrots, seasoning, onions, and more. Soon the wanderer took out his stone because it wasn't edible and then everyone enjoyed the amazing soup and the wanderers belly was full.
This is the story that came to my mind tonight. I have had a very hard day at work but I try to cover it up to the best of my ability. I am not ready to face life but as an adult I have no choice. I feel like I am the villager that has a pot that is full of water and a single stone. I have put my pot on the fire and I know everyone wants to throw their vegetables in but the fire isn't quite hot enough yet. So many people are asking how I am and I want to respond like Sally Field did in Steel Magnolias "I'M FINE!!! I'M FINE!! I can jog all the way to Texas and back but my son can't he never could"......you know the rest. I know people mean well and I am so blessed that I have so many people who love my family. I just know so many people want me to participate in life and be happy in the bright sunshine but I am just not ready yet. I need a chance to just breathe and take in everything that has happened over the last seven plus years. Each morning as I go to work I pass Jude and say, "Good morning Ju Ju" and each evening I pass and say "Good night my love." I have pulled in most days just to walk around his grave but I know over time that need will pass.
So over time I know the pot full of water with the single stone will need to be filled. Slowly but surely I will ask people to throw in their carrots, then their celery, some seasoning, and finally some onions. Onions are my favorite and the layers will be filled with the stories of our life and will flood the pot with amazing love and happiness. I know everyone is out there and I hope you all will be patient. Just know it may be months or years but I will ask you to throw in your seasonings and I will truly thank you for your patience.