Jude's Amazing Room

I won't sugar coat this situation because it's been rough. When everyone is gone at night the silence has become deafening. It is very difficult for me to eat and even harder to sleep but we are making it. I finally got about six good hours of sleep overnight. I am used to having our nurses here and I miss them dearly. I normally walk out in a sleepy haze in the middle of the night asking Candice how Jude is. I miss Charlotte and Allen's smiles in the morning and most of all I miss Jude's smile. The house seems empty without the rise and fall of the loud oxygen machine or the beeping of his feeding pump.

The visitation last night was amazing. We were so touched by all the people that turned out to see Jude prior to his service. There were people attending that I haven't seen in 35 years that followed Jude's journey who just wanted to reach out. I was overwhelmed and grateful. The outpouring of response to my blog, our Facebook, Emily's Smile Boxes, and more shows just how far reaching Jude's message was. My grandmother said last night that Jude was put on this Earth to make us all better and I believe that's true. I have felt a bit torn as a mother because I am not sure how to quit parenting and taking care of my son. I also felt like I would have some instant gratification in a form of a sign that Jude was okay. That didn't happen. Saturday and Sunday I searched everything smells, clouds, words of peace, but nothing filled my heart. Then last night as I bent down to kiss Jude one last time I saw him smile. I thought I was hallucinating from lack of sleep so I looked again and there he was........smiling at me. I just stepped back and exhaled. I had one good last cry and then realized Jude is no longer in pain. I had to admit that he was really struggling and really in pain which is evidenced in his pictures. He is now FREE and I have to celebrate that. He deserves to be celebrated and today that's what I plan to do. Today his service is about his amazing life not mourning his death. We plan to do just that. Jude is free of pain, Praise the Lord Jude is free.

I was going to save this picture until after the service but I believe it needs to be shared for all our readers all over the world. To all those that cannot make it today. Jude was in our living room most of the time and couldn't truly enjoy an amazing little boys room. So therefore we wanted to make sure he had one amazing room to sleep in. Thank you Trey Ganem for your fabulous artistry.