Wow what a night! Jude slept until 1:23am when he started tossing and turning again. About every half hour I had to reposition him. Then at 4am he was wide awake....grunting...moaning....and miserable. However, every time I would walk in there he would give me this side smile. So I would say, "stinker go to sleep" and he would giggle in his raspy sick voice. About 4:30 I gave him some Motrin and for 45 minutes he laid in bed doing the following...
Jude" Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Me: " No Jude do to sleep"
Jude: "Maaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuu"
Me: "No mama Jude go to sleep"
Jude: "Maaamba"
Well then I had to get up because he said my name....kinda. So I went and tucked him in again and finally about 5:15 he went to sleep. Then at 5:30 Mike's alarm went off and at 5:45 Jude's feeding alarm went off.
To say the least I am worn the heck out today. Working and no sleep does not mesh well. However I feel much worse for Jude. Poor little guy just doesn't feel well. We are giving him one more day and if he doesn't improve it's back to the doctor we go.
I am looking into a vacation for Mike and myself in October. Last February we got away for a bit and this year we are celebrating our 5th year wedding anniversary. After what our family has gone through we would like to renew our vows. I called the nursing agency about hiring a night nurse while we are away to stay with family members and friends that will rotate at our house. They were very nice and said they would gladly work with us. So our respite will go to good use that month.
I also just got word of the Branson tornado. Since my family is in Springfield which is between Joplin and Branson I have advised them to move! Many prayers for those people affected.
My husband was very wound up from work today so when I got home and he was complaining about Jude's behavior, I chalked it up to his bad day. When I walked in Mike proclaimed that it was "my turn" so I walked over to Jude. Holy moly was he upset. He was squirming, fighting, rigid, and having seizures. I also noticed that his cheeks were pink. Even though I still tend to "mommy panic" I have learned to take a step back and evaluate the situation. Jude was warm, but not overly warm. His auxiliary temp was 98 degrees so 99. His breathing was very rapid, but he was getting air. He sounded a bit "crackly" on the back back left side of his chest, but it was very faint......and I am not a doctor. This is just my education through experience talking and our nurse said he sounded clear. So overall he was not in distress, but still not feeling well. Jude made it very apparent he was not feeling well. I looked at Mike and said, "basically this is you laying in the bed telling me you aren't going to make it because you feel so bad". Poor Jude! We thought he had beat the crud he had, but I guess he didn't. He got so uncomfortable at one point that we considered the emergency Valium prescription we had been given for him. Luckily his other sedative kicked in and Jude went to sleep. WHEW.
So then my other child............decided to be a smart butt. She was staying after school for track practice and I reminded her that she needed to text me prior to being home due to Jude being asleep. So I get a text:
Em (all separate texts):
"at light by fountain"
"going pass fountain"
"going on road"
"passing playground"
"passing apartments"
"passing cars"
Me:" really? ok it's been a bad nite be real quiet"
Em: "passing church"
"going on road that leads to our house"
"passing trees"
me: "you are fired!"
Em: "Seeing house"
"Pulling in"
"getting stuff"
"I am here"
Me: "COME HERE!"
Granted she had no idea Jude was ill. She just said, "I thought I was funny". Who can get mad at that? I mean she did learn her smart alec ways via Mike.
So we are not sure what is going on with Jude, but we are hoping he fights through it. We have avoided the hospital for a long time (knock on wood).
I am going to try to post this without sounding like I am preaching. Since I always sound like I am preaching my goal may be a little hard to obtain (no laughing). Emily does such amazing charity work and maintains a great grade point average in school so very rarely does she confront opposition to her hobbies. I also rarely hear comments in regards to her............(drum roll) pageants. However I do greet the occasional side glare or the occasional non returned email. I normally laugh these situations off and chalk it up their to failure to understand or a lack of caring if they do. However I have heard a faint whisper in regards to her competitions and my nationals.
When Emily was 17 months old I entered her into her first pageant at the coaxing of a family member. I bought her a beautiful cream brocade dress with a tiny cream beret. I didn't put one ounce of makeup on her and her dress was not laced in rhinestones. I took her up in front of the judges and she giggled, waved, and pranced about. She looked like a little doll with her big cheeks and adorable grin. I knew from the moment they placed that first crown on her tiny head........I was in trouble. Emily continued to do pageants while she was little until it all became to much for me. Keeping up with the pictures, clothes, and more became overwhelming. So we dropped out...............with major opposition from Emily.
So at five years old I enrolled Emily into softball and she excelled. Then Emily found theater and the stage again and she found her calling. The performing arts department at her current school district has been deemed the best in the state. Emily held the first 6th grade lead in her UIL play............she loved the stage. However..........from the time I enrolled her in softball until the time she transitioned into theater she constantly asked to return to pageants. I continued to refuse because I didn't want Emily to get the wrong mindset about life. However, I fondly remembered our pageant days together. They were an amazing mother daughter bonding time. Also, when we were confronted with Jude's situation I realized that we couldn't afford to send Emily into lessons or pageantry. Then one afternoon I received an email from Cara who owned a national system. She offered to allow Emily to attend her system (this was years ago). I felt obligated to tell Emily and Em was so excited so I gratefully allowed her to attend. Emily ............. flourished. I honestly and truly felt ashamed.....I had kept her from something she loved so much. So from that point I vowed to follow what Emily wanted to do with my conservative rules (lol).
We got back into the pageant scene but I only allowed Emily to have natural photo's. We enlisted the help of two amazing friends that helped with her coaching, hair/makeup, and upheld our traditional values. They also stepped in and reminded me "mom she is 13 not 7". Emily is an amazing role model and I will always stand by that. We all watch these reality TV shows that feature the occasional sane rational beautiful mom, but mostly focus on the prize selling blue ribbon crazies. Whether it's pageants, dance, cheer or relationships these shows focus on the best "sellers" so please remember that. They may be true in some aspects, but not most. They edit to no end and search out the very "aspects" of best ratings. We in the pageant community shake our heads at the EXACT same things you do. So before you make your mind up about mine and Em's AMAZING pageant friends who have the best hearts and are charity driven I encourage you to attend an event. I invited some friends and family members to my pageant Regal Princess last year and they all left saying "wow, that was SO fun and the kids are adorable! It's not what I expected". Come on over! You have an open invitation to come to my nationals in August or any other system Em attends! Come see kids have fun, enjoy themselves, make lasting friendships, and laugh!
Emily CHOSE this hobby........and I support my daughter and I am proud of my beautiful kind hearted girl. I help her with the necessary tools to succeed whether that's in school, pageants, softball, or theater. She is the epitome of a role model and I strive to offer a system that is equivalent to what she stands for so others can compete. I have no tolerance in my old age for prejudice opinions and I like that I have grown so much.
Now with that being said..........Jude is doing better. I should give him more credit. Emily needed antibiotics to get over her sickness......but (knock on wood) Jude is fever free without any. I took him for a walk tonight, read him his "Good Night Gorilla" and hooked his feeding up without any issues. His tiny eyes drifted off to sleep as I said " and the mouse said ...good night Gorilla and the Gorilla said zzzzzzzzzzzz" and a tiny crooked smile fell upon his sleepy face. My tiny stroke victim is such a miracle.
We took Jude and Emily both to the urgent care center last night. Emily has a sinus infection and they think strep throat. So she is on antibiotics. Jude has a "hazy" area in one of his lungs that the radiologist believes is viral. I am hoping he is right. Jude woke up this morning with 100.9 auxillary temp and Charlotte says he just acts like he doesn't feel well. They did do a rapid strep on Jude which was negative, but they sent it to the lab to retest. We are going to give him one more day to see if he improves and if he doesn't we will take him back in. I am hoping he will be just fine, but we are always very cautious with Jude.
I have two sick children at home. Emily doesn't look well at all. She is very pale, sounds terrible, and has that red lacy mono rash back on her arms. Jude is pale, has a high pulse rate, but is smiling. They both have an auxiliary temp with Motrin of 99.2. No bueno! So we are watching Jude closely and plan on taking both kids in after work. It's that whole mom weighing work and home today. I am going to have to pay $100 to take Em in after work vs $25 during the day because I feel bad being out while we are short handed. Not sure my efforts like that are noticed, but hopefully they are.
So yesterday Mike called me to tell me his boss had talked to him in regards to the much anticipated promotion we have been waiting for. We are really looking for the benefits he will receive. His boss gave him a RAVING review and said he was ready to make Mike a permanent vital part of the team. He gave Mike the choice of position he wanted and Mike is suppose to report back to him today. We still have not heard what his salary will be or when it will happen, but we finally know it's coming. I am so proud of Mike!! He has worked so hard and has been very patient (the patient part is not his cup of tea). For the first time in a long time I felt like I could breathe yesterday. Right now I have a list of items we need....new tires, Emily's cavities, HO-A dues, etc. Do you know how nice it will be to get those without struggling? To put money in the bank? That if I am out of a job for some reason we will be okay?? Everything has been on my shoulders for so long that it scares me to even think of relying on someone else.....but it will be so nice to know I CAN! Thank you Lord! Our prayers are close to being answered. Things have been such a roller coaster for so long that I told my aunt that I am now waiting for the other shoe to drop..........but maybe it won't? We are not "hurting" right now in regards to money. I could save for the tires or to take Em out of town, but it will be nice to just ..............breathe.
Jude is doing SO well. He is still not sleeping very well, but otherwise he is great. He is making more and more sounds. He copies my mouth movements when I sing to him and he is making much better eye contact. I think school, his nurses, his increased therapy, and his loving family has helped him. I don't push Jude to further himself I just decided to accept him the way he is and let him guide me. Jude let's us know in his own ways how far he can go. I am excited to see where he takes us next.
I did have to share a funny story tonight. My husband is amazing, but you women will get a kick out of this. After work I had to go by the bank and then I had to go to the grocery store. Once I got home I unpacked the groceries, made dinner, fed the family, and then went to make a casserole for Emily's school tomorrow. I went to the pantry to grab my can of cream of chicken soup only to find it was missing. Little Miss Em had decided to make herself an after school snack. I growled at her for eating my ingredients while praising her for being resourceful. I am sure she was confused. So I then turned to my husband who proclaimed it was "crap" (jokingly) that he had to go to the store. So he gathered up his items and bolted out the door. Emily's friend Casen was over so we all sat down to watch TV for a few minutes before I got Jude ready for bed. Suddenly my phone rang.
Me: Casen...will you hand me my phone because I am sure it's my husband because he cannot go to the store without calling me.
Em: (got to the phone before Casen) Yes Mikey? Ok hold on
Me: Hello?
Mike: I lost my list
Me: (silence)
Mike: Hello?
Me: There were two things on it?
Mike: I know but I lost it
Me: Cream of chicken soup.....and a foil pan for my casserole...get one that would be shaped for lasagne
Mike: (repeats exactly what I said)
Me: babe, it's 2 things........think of all I have done tonight and I still have to cook, do meds, put up laundry, etc. really?
Mike: I couldn't do what you do that's why I married you.
Me: oh well that's nice
Mike: It's true
Me: okay so two things...you got them?
Mike: Got it!
So he brought home the foil pan............and cream of chicken soup WITH HERBS! So let's hope the Mexican casserole doesn't taste a bit funny.
Me: Babe you got cream of chicken soup with HERBS
Mike: I didn't know ... you never told me!!!
Me: I didn't even know they made that.....I mean that took special effort to pick that up
Mike: Well...........I shouldn't have had to go anyway...Emily should have had to walk to get it ..she ate it!
Me: My casserole may taste a little Thanksgiving like
Mike: Oh sure make fun of the guy with the sore throat...just kick me while I am down why don't you. I am suing
Me: You are suing?
Mike: Yes for cruel and unusual punishment.........for for....laughing at me. For sending me to the store with multiple options!!!
Me: (giggle)
Mike: seeeeeeeeeeeeee (walking into the bedroom) I am going to watch TMZ........don't even try to open my door.
Me: (now in tears...laughing hysterically)
Mike: You are NOT funny!!!
Me: (quietly giggling)
Jude is not sleeping again........not sure what the issue is. He is whining about every two hours to be flipped into a new position. I cannot blame him, but I am exhausted. It's been days of him not sleeping well. Mike just works in auto mode and doesn't even realize he has gotten up to reposition Jude. I on the other hand have a hard time falling back to sleep. I am hoping he sleeps soon!
So we went to see Emily's play last night and it was really good! However at the end when everyone started clapping I heard a squeal of terror. Jude was so afraid that he was trembling and trying to cry, but had the breath scared out of him. I felt so terrible for him. Mike rushed him to the back of the room to console him. As soon as Emily took her bow I ran back to them so I could hold Jude.
However he was very happy when he got to her play.
Last night while I held Jude on the couch we "talked" to each other. I would say "I love you Jude!" and he would move his mouth like he was talking in a sentence. Sometimes sounds would come out and sometimes they wouldn't. However he would mimic me and it's the first time I have ever heard him really trying to speak back to me. Again, I would say "I love you Jude" and he would reply "aaa o aaa" or some other form of reply. It was very cute!
So as I sit here on lunch at work and stuff my mouth with Sushi I am going to share something personal and honest. I have always loved the taste of wine and I have always been fascinated with the process it takes to make it. It's one of my few real joys. However, after Jude's situation I have found myself drinking more at night so I can go to sleep. Let me point out before I say any of this that I don't ever pass out, or forget what I have done or said, I don't crave it or think about it during the day, etc etc. Although, I woke up this morning and my side was hurting and I was very tired. I started retracing my steps and realized last night I had several glasses prior to going to bed. In the course of my life I have cut unhealthy items out of my diet to improve my lifestyle. I have cut sugar out of my tea, I drink non-caffeinated soda, I eat wheat bread vs white, brown rice vs white, No greasy french fries, etc. So it's time to do that again. I am eliminating alcohol from my diet. It killed my mom and it won't get me! So why am I admitting this? I promised to be honest on my blog from the start and my bet is that many people in my situation have coping mechanisms that have become unhealthy. That is exactly what this is....a coping mechanism. I have a terrible time going to sleep and with Jude.........well he is still like a newborn...so it made for long nights. So drinking a few glasses helped me sleep that coveted 10-2 time period. Also, I just liked it. However, I also like sugar, fatty fries + hamburgers, and DR Pepper. All items that I fought and no longer require. So I am taking a vow to get healthier. I am also going to reward myself because I feel that is important. In 8 months it will be my five year wedding anniversary and I plan on Mike and I taking a trip together. I will be healthier, back in shape, and with no need for a glass of wine to soothe my stress. So friends and family...scratch it off my Christmas list. Man I will miss my grapey sweet luscious friend, but it's time to bid it farewell.
Tomorrow night Emily's play premiers. She has literally been working on this play for MONTHS! It's their one act UIL competition and she is the lead. I am proud at her dedication and keeping her grades up during rehearsals. This week and next they have dress rehearsals until 8pm every night. She then has to come home and finish her homework, take a bath, and chores. Somehow she still fits in reading to Jude........she is my sweet girl.
So I am so happy I could cry!
Back in November we were approached by the Dallas Cowboys after a news story ran on Emily's Smile Boxes. They suggested that we contact Rachel's Challenge to see if they could help spread Emily's boxes. Before I could even email Rachel's Challenge one of their fabulous members contacted us. A former superintendent of a school district in TX came out to meet with us. He was truly an inspiring individual who freely gives of his time to others. He was a bit teary when he said "Emily I hope someday my granddaughter is like you". I shed a few tears over that.
If you don't know the story of Rachel Scott the first victim in the Columbine shooting I beg you to read their families inspiring story http://www.rachelschallenge.org/LearnMore/WhatIsRC.php. We were truly honored to have such an amazing organization contact Emily. They explained they would like to partner with Emily and help her reach her goal of touching a million lives like their daughter Rachel did. The thought of Emily getting her boxes nationwide was overwhelming. We were a bit hesitant to get our hopes up since the radio station that promised to help her didn't pan out. However, Rachel's Challenge has followed through! As of yesterday they had blasted a challenge to their organizations signed up with them requesting they make Emily's Smile Boxes. I was already contacted by a middle school in Kentucky that has accepted the challenge. I am thrilled to see so many children helping their communities and learning about kindness.
In addition we learned today that Emily was a distinguished finalist in The Prudential Spirit of the community contest. I went online to see the state honoree winners and I was in awe. If you have the time go read about what these amazing kids have done at http://spirit.prudential.com/view/page/soc/15089. They should inspire us all to be better people!
Jude is well! A bit of a cough, but well.
Jude has had a lot of congestion in his chest for the last few days. Both nurses have been doing CPT and I have been too. It seems like it has REALLY been helping a lot because this afternoon he has not coughed. Last night I was up a lot because Jude coughed throughout the night. However, he has been very cute and sweet. He has laughed a lot and been talking to us a lot. Last night we watched the show "Moneyball" with Brad Pitt and yet again Jude was very interested in the movie. When I talked to him he would glance at me and then quickly turn back towards the movie. I always say that he has more going on then we give him credit for.
I had a great weekend with my husband. He was very attentive to me and we have a great relationship. I am glad that we have grown closer through our circumstances. We did have a bit of bad news today. Mike's older dog Lady has a tumor. She is 14 years old so for a terrier she has had a very long life. She is still chasing her ball so she has some spunk left in her. At her age surgery is really not an option so we are keeping her comfortable. She will visit the vet soon and see what they say. Since moving into our house I don't think his dogs have the best life in the world, but they cannot be inside dogs. One Jack Russell is cute......three is a pack of craziness. They provide me much entertainment tho.
Tomorrow starts another work week. I still miss my friend at work. She is at home with her baby and I know that's a good place for her, but I still miss her a lot.
Peace...
It does not mean to be in a place
where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work
it means to be in the midst of things
and still be calm in your heart.... (unknown)
That saying is really how I feel lately. My work has been crazy, but my personal life is so much more grounded. Jude is well, but if he isn't my family knows what to do. We no longer search for cures or additional issues. Emily is healthy and has really found herself lately. She is confident on who she is as a person and takes up for what she believes in. Mike is still working with his job in regards to being full time and admitted he wants another child. Who knows if it will ever happen........most likely not, but at least he admitted it to himself. I am doing okay. I have my issues, but I work through them and we march on. I even find myself..........not needing the blog as much as I used to, but loving it all the same.
