My heart hurts today. There isn't much that can be done, and really nothing anyone can say, it's just something I am battling. One of the hardest things a couple can face is something happening to their child. It puts a strain on a marriage one that I could never explain in words. Mike, and I have reversed roles, and it's straining sometimes. Many men are not equipped with staying home full time with a child, add special needs to that, and the issues can be very compounded. This is something that I don't normally talk about on my blog, and I am sure most other people don't share either. I guess I am posting it because I have been quiet today, and hurting. I know people have been worried, so I thought I would post a semi explanation. Sometimes life is hard.
For the first time in ten years I walked into my bosses office today, and explained that I needed a day off. I explained that couples have issues sometimes, and that I just needed a break from reality for a few hours. Surprisingly he was very understanding, and gladly let me go. About 1:30 I gathered everything up, and with tears streaming down my face, I left. I went, and had a good long cry, and then I went home. Now I sit, wondering where things stand with life, with the nurse, with my husband, and everything in general. As my cousin says "you have amazing coping skills, better than anyone I know", but sometimes............sometimes I break too.
The good news is Jude's nurse hearing was today, and I think I spoke very well. I had studied what I was going to say, and tried to be as articulate as possible. I am not sure they will rule in my favor, but I spoke on Jude's behalf, and that's what I wanted the chance to do.