Wednesday, April 28, 2010

breaking point

My heart hurts today. There isn't much that can be done, and really nothing anyone can say, it's just something I am battling. One of the hardest things a couple can face is something happening to their child. It puts a strain on a marriage one that I could never explain in words. Mike, and I have reversed roles, and it's straining sometimes. Many men are not equipped with staying home full time with a child, add special needs to that, and the issues can be very compounded. This is something that I don't normally talk about on my blog, and I am sure most other people don't share either. I guess I am posting it because I have been quiet today, and hurting. I know people have been worried, so I thought I would post a semi explanation. Sometimes life is hard.

For the first time in ten years I walked into my bosses office today, and explained that I needed a day off. I explained that couples have issues sometimes, and that I just needed a break from reality for a few hours. Surprisingly he was very understanding, and gladly let me go. About 1:30 I gathered everything up, and with tears streaming down my face, I left. I went, and had a good long cry, and then I went home. Now I sit, wondering where things stand with life, with the nurse, with my husband, and everything in general. As my cousin says "you have amazing coping skills, better than anyone I know", but sometimes............sometimes I break too.

The good news is Jude's nurse hearing was today, and I think I spoke very well. I had studied what I was going to say, and tried to be as articulate as possible. I am not sure they will rule in my favor, but I spoke on Jude's behalf, and that's what I wanted the chance to do.

9 comments:

Jennifer said...

Love you girl.

Candace said...

Jenn, sending you some good thoughts and extra hugs. I hope that things will settle down quickly. Love ya, friend.

Gilda said...

Hold your head up your a wonderful person.

Docia said...

You are strong. Full of worth and I know things will get better soon!

Katy said...

So sorry honey. You are being so strong. Prayers for you all.

A Girl Named Me said...

xo

Anonymous said...

Ditto

Love,
The Hendrixes

mom2nji said...

Marriages with special needs children are 75% more likely to end in divorce. It adds so much more strain than people can imagine. Jen, after reading your blog and chatting with you for the last year, I don't think you break. You have days where you are wilted, bent, and ready to crack, but you always snap back. You can do this, and you will continue to.I pray you get the nurse back, and hubby can get a break here and there. Hugs.

Purple Quilter Queen said...

My best to you! I can't even begin to imagine what you and Mike go thru on a daily basis. But God obviously gave Jude to you guys for a reason. Much love and have a great trip to DC this weekend! Jenn