Friday, July 30, 2010

Soul searching..........

I am SO happy Jude's lab results were okay, I am truly relieved!! For the first time I didn't have that "motherly instinct," so I wasn't sure what to expect from the call we eventually received from the doctor. I was relieved when the doctor called, at a little after two ....which was sooner than expected. He said that Jude's CBC, and liver panel were both normal. He said there is an issue with Jude's iron, but this is something we can take care of through supplements, or through other measures. I am thankful that we are not in a hospital tonight talking about resolutions to a possible terminal situation. It's strange to me that with Jude our conversations are regarding easy solutions, or situations with no resolution. Our family is in all considerations "Lucky", and I pray for all the mothers that are not in the same situation I am tonight.

Sometimes life wears me out............between work, and Jude's issues...I sometimes want to throw my hands up, and say "THAT'S IT!!!" . Although, I don't. Yesterday my husband called me at work, in a panic regarding Jude's iron levels. I calmly said "We don't know anything yet, so there is no need to panic" I then took over calling doctors, and more, so he could have time to ....... have a melt down. Regardless of my reassuring words my hubby ....... gave up for a few hours. He said that he felt like regardless of the work we put into Jude, Jude will eventually pass away, so why continue to work with Jude, or with Life. My husband didn't eat lunch, and he didn't eat dinner. He crawled into bed, and did not reemerge until the next day. Before you pass judgement, please understand our past two years have been trying. Anyway, he went to bed, but he woke up with a new attitude. Mike has a tendency to call me "Snow White" because I try to find the hope in every situation. To me life was bestowed upon us because God believes we have the strength to prove our life is worthwhile, and to show that to others. If we have the strength to show that we can rebound from tough situations, then maybe that will show others they can too, and thus it trickles down to others. It's the old pay it forward take on life. Mike said he believes no one will ever know what he went though with Jude, but I believe that someone will. In my words "Everyone has their own story, and someone Else's is ALWAYS worse, so be grateful for what you have". I believe that this blog has touched many people, and so has Jude. So despite what issues Jude has, his little life has brought hope to someone out there, that had no hope.

So I must admit that I did finally freak out a bit....... and well I think my tiny freak out made a point. I told my hubby "sometimes I want to be depressed! I want to not go to work, I want to sleep all day, but I can't because I am always taking care of you, or going somewhere with a schedule." He looked at me and said "We cannot always be someone for everyone else all the time" Mike may freak out every now, and then, but he has such educational phrases. What a truly confusing, but true statement.

One of the first songs I ever sent to Mike while we were dating is listed below. I have shared it on my blog before, and it still rings true.

1 comment:

Beth said...

I can't imagine all you're dealing with. Everyone deserves their own freak out time every once in awhile. Good for you for taking yours. I'm a new follower from MBC and I'd love for you to come visit me at