I started this blog as a release for my emotions, a place to inform others of Jude's status, and just a general place of comfort. I never knew much of RSS feeds, or anything else ad related. I am in fact pretty blog illiterate! I did start another blog, but solely for the hope that it would earn some money to help fund Emily's Smile Box campaign. I have now added that quote into that blog. Anyway, I digress to the fact that I feel 100% snowed tonight.
Last week I found out that a mother in Austin was keeping a blog for her sick child. Seems innocent enough right?? Although, the kicker here was she was keeping a blog for a child she was KEEPING sick! She was feeding her child feces! I am not joking, look it up. Luckily, I did not follow her blog, so I was offended, but I didn't feel it was personal. Tonight, I had something happen, and it was personal. I have been following a moms blog for some time. She was supposedly a single mom who had gotten pregnant, and then found out her baby had Trisomy. Trisomy 18 is a devastating illness, and was the one affliction Mike, and I knew we would struggle with possibly terminating over. I remember waiting on Jude's amnio results after we learned something was wrong PRAYING trisomy 18 was NOT Jude's fate. I know that termination may not be the right decision, but Trisomy 18 can be painful, and I just couldn't follow through with that. So I read daily about her anticipation of her sick baby's birth. Her hopes that her baby would be born alive, and that she would have a little cherished time with her. I cried with her, I wondered about the baby, and I anticipated the little girls arrival. Then the other day the baby was born after a very long intense labor. We were updated that the baby had lived for 19 hours, and even though she had issues she was hanging in there. My heart lept with joy after reading this information. Then tonight I found out the blog is a complete fabrication set up to attract ads so that the owner of the blog can make money. I was devastated. I can only hold out hope that this information is incorrect, but now I am so angry that it won't matter.
At first I was in tears, and Mike looked at me wondering what was wrong. I explained the situation to him, and explained that this was so very unfair in my mind. This was equivalent to unfit drug addict ...... um .........woman of the night having normal a healthy baby, when she doesn't want one. I would want nothing less for them, but that fate still seems a bit unfair to me. So I prayed.........I did...and I prayed hard.
I prayed that these women that wrote these blogs will never experience:
1. The pain of losing a child
2. The pain of knowing their child will never be normal
3. The pain of watching their child writhe in pain from a crippling seizure
4. That they will never have to give possibly lethal medication to their child to control seizures
5. That they will never know the pain of wondering if their baby will take a breath when they are born.
Instead I prayed that they will someday find a blessing as precious as my Jude, and know within their heart how special that blessing is. If they can fathom that one moment, and truly understand how precious that baby is, then and only then will they be ashamed of what they have done.
I am in tears..........not sure why......just think it's wrong. I am holding out hope that the blog of the baby I have been following is somehow true, and not fake. Regardless we know the one in Austin isn't real, and it's crushing. Please moms be thankful for your babies!
** As a follow up note due to a response I got, let me clarify there are different levels of trisomy. I was referring to Trisomy 18 not Downs Syndrome (Trisomy 21). Down Syndrome is very manageable, and by all means I would have followed through my pregnancy due to that genetic issue (In fact Mike, and I made that decision before our amnio). Many DS babies live a wonderful life, and I am lucky to know many wonderful people with DS. However, different forms of Trisomy can be devastatingly horrible and painful for a baby, and it's just my own personal decision that I would have struggled with a choice to end the pregnancy. 50% of children with the severe level of trisomy 18 do not live past one week after birth, and suffer greatly. The other half generally die before 1 year. I know many parents are blessed with their children's births that have Trisomy, and please do not think I am being negative. It's only my personal choice, and like I said one I would stuggle with. I would not want a baby to only know a life of pain so it would be a hard choice. I used to follow a blog of woman who's baby in utero had severe trisomy 18 with multiple heart problems. They knew the baby would not live long after birth. She had to actually pick her baby's grave out prior to her birth. It's unfair what some people experience.