AGGRAVATED

So I know I really should not be worried about other people's thoughts, but sometimes you cannot help feeling certain selfish emotions. So I am going to have a pissy pants party. Let me list a few things that are on my nerves this week. Anything on your nerves you would like to share? Come on have a selfish moment.... :) indulge my emotions. Yes, I am inflicting peer pressure upon your life.

1. A bill collector called me regarding our LAWN of all things. Back when we both worked full time and could afford our lawn to be serviced every few months we had it taken care of (weeds, fertilizer, etc). It wasn't a large expense, but it was still a luxury that we no longer need. Well while we were in the hospital with Jude I guess they came out, and we did not send a prompt payment as we have always done. Well I received a NASTY phone call from someone within their company. I apologized for being late and explained our situation. The lady seriously replied "Um look I am sorry your son is sick but you owe us money". I went OFF! I then called their home office who profusely apologized, and I gave them a payment telling them I will NEVER do business with them again. The lady seemed so embarrassed that she really didn't know what to say, and said she would handle it. You could hear the sincerity in her voice so I then felt a bit bad. I know she immediately relayed the information within their office (which leads to more information I will post at the end of this blog)

{drum roll}
2. I have a friend that I have been there for as much as possible through broken hearts, sickness, and more. Someone that has been through many rough times, and I have tried to always comfort. Now .... it seems it my turn for a crisis, and its unfortunate it's a HUGE one. Yet since I gave birth to Jude she hasn't even been by to see him which hurts my feelings so much. I would blame it on his issues, but when we thought he was healthy she still hadn't been by. I try to be patient, and understanding thinking that she is probably going through yet another hard time. I call and call leaving messages staying in touch, or emailing if I am lacking a number. Yet sometimes I just get pissed and question ...really? I barely get any sleep at night, my husband is at home, I work full time, my schedule is INSANE, my son may DIE, and your life is hard????????? (ok there was my selfish moment). I shouldn't be angry with her, but it does insult me, and makes me feel like I wasn't that important to her when I considered her one of my closest friends. She would take this as my being angry and insulting, but it's actually me just very sad for yet another loss. She doesn't read this blog because it's to much effort...so don't think I am just being petty and griping. My husband said I need to quit expecting people to treat me the way I treat them. Now please don't get me wrong because I know some people are just busy and cannot make it to see us. My point is there are no calls, return calls, emails, OR visits. It's just kind of sad because we were so close.

{drum Roll}
3. Third, lol and this one Mike almost jumped in on. Emily takes gymnastics on Monday nights, and has missed a class due to Jude's hospital stay. In addition she missed because the gym had a power outage, and because they were closed for the holidays. SO that's 3 classes out of 1 month. So therefore I called this establishment explaining that Emily cannot come to their 1 make up day a month they offer because it's her dads weekend. I then explained that its possible Em may miss other classes if Jude is hospitalized again. I then asked if there was another Saturday or day of the week they ever perform make up classes. You would think I would have asked if they could hold the class at the Taj Mahal. She actually replied (her first reply to the above). "Well if your son is sick, is there another day that works better for her than Monday" (rudely I might add). My reply "Um if he is in the hospital I highly doubt it matters what day you have her scheduled because SHE WOULD MISS IT! So I then repeated myself simply wondering if they had any other make up classes other than the ONE a month they provide. "No!".... Ok thanks that's all I needed to know. I did not receive one "I am sorry", not one "we will try to accommodate you for your funds you send promptly every month".......nothing. In fact I did receive a "Look we work really hard already". This is an older woman, and I verified with someone at my office that I sounded normal, and not upset at all. I was just simply calling to ask a question. In fact the only reason I kept my cool is because Sarah was giggling in the background listening to my conversation muttering "really is that lady serious?" So I chalk that up to someone upset her prior to my call. They run a business though, and I cannot ask them to waiver from their standard of practice. I was simply just asking if they had any other make up days. I guess not!

So I said I would close with some information regarding one of my posts. After soaking in a bath this is my conclusion......I ramble a lot. No I do you don't have to argue ;)... I also have lots of grammatical errors. Anyway, besides that ... I think my blog is here to see true feelings bleeding out on to "paper" as they are flowing through my body. I honestly vomit everything I am feeling on to this blog...graphic but true. The point is I can complain about companies, friends, and more but why should I honestly expect them to understand. I have lost my mom, and others during my life and sympathy poured in through buckets yet this is different. This is a situation I never could have grasped without experiencing it. It's a different way of life now unlike anything I could have prepared for. Jude cannot attend daycare, and we don't like to get to far from our house since his seizures are not controlled. We have government agencies visiting us regarding therapy, skilled in home nursing, and more. My family seems to get "it", and maybe that's because they see up close how hard this is. Our minds think thoughts of service dogs, railings, bath tubs, and the future. We realize if Jude is disabled our two story house will have to be converted with a room downstairs, or we will have to move......again. Going out for a night on the town doesn't really happen anymore, and vacations seem but a dream. I have listened to Ellen and others who have walked this road before, and it's my understanding that the first year is the hardest. I am ready to get our life in order, and move forward. I want to take Jude on those vacations, and feel comfortable in our setting yet right when I move forward we get handed two steps back. Jude was verbal with me last night, and almost cracked a smile. He seemed more like the Jude we knew was in there, and then BAM he had the worst seizure I have seen yet. He wet through 3 outfits, and sounded terrible.......two steps back. Em had walked in and I explained to her Jude was having a seizure in case she wanted to leave.....but she didn't. She patted his leg and assured him it would be ok. I am rather amazed at her resiliency sometimes.

I wrote most of this last night, but I had decided to wait until this morning to post it. I wanted to make sure my feelings on the above subjects had not wavered. We have Gymboree today, and we will miss Emmy being there. She even woke up saying "It's Gymboree day!!". I am hoping Jude loves it as much as he always does. Maybe we will get a little smile today.

Ok thanks for letting me GRIPE. I know this will all get easier, but I needed a gripe session.