Thursday, September 20, 2018

To curse or not to curse

(From 9/19)

I once read an entry to a blog that said if you can’t take a little cussing about a difficult situation then you shouldn’t read my entries. I’m on that same wavelength these days so I tend to share the same sentiment.

My husband isn’t feeling well and I know it’s from stress but if anyone is strong it’s Mike Ortiz and I know he will be okay. However keeping his stress down is something I would like to see people put more effort into controlling. He has been through a lot in the last decade and I would like to keep
him as healthy as I can. Sometimes I feel like people work against him as much as they can to make things as hard as possible. 

So this morning I woke up about 3am with an incredible headache and I could feel my right eye in its heavy position. So I confirmed the issue in the mirror and tried to go back to sleep but the sandman skipped my house. I knew that I had pushed myself to complete my quotes at work and the screen time had probably taken its toll along with multiple other tasks I’ve been trying to compete. My work was ever understanding that I needed an hour to rest before charging into work. I feel like when I’m out or late the brunt of my work falls on my friend and coworker Paula but she never complains. I finally scheduled my MRI, let’s hope I have the courage to complete it. I feel like such a wimp that I cannot complete something as simple as an Mri. However part of me feels it’s just a damn waste and it’s not going to show a thing. I want the MRI to be clear but on the other hand, I would love to find something that can be easily cured to stop this ringing in my ears, fatigue, and multiple other issues.

With that all being said I realized a few things tonight. That even though I have a serious situation going on I am still NOT a victim! Lately, I’ve struggled with this feeling because I’m
always on the go and suddenly I cannot go go go. When I felt like I couldn’t get out of bed I felt trapped and like a miserable piece of crap but that’s not the case. I realized God gives us the capabilities to handle every situation, it's just up to us to use what's been given to us. In our case life has dealt us a lot of tragedy that makes us a victim but we don't have to feel or act like a victim, does that make sense?  

There are a lot of times in life we can all act like a victim. 

1. When we have something catastrophic happen
2. When others have tragedies and we live through their situations. 
3. When it's easier to blame others for the hand you've been dealt or the hand you created. 
4. When we cannot forgive and let go
5. When we don't take responsibility for how our actions affect our lives. 
6. When we constantly feel sorry for ourselves and feel like everyone is judging us. 

So it's a matter of putting our big girl or boy underwear on and pulling ourselves together.  I figured the only thing I can do during my situation is to continue to smile and do my best. If I am late for work, I still made it to work. If I need to cancel plans with others to rest, then that's what I will do. I will work on complaining less about my pain but understand that expressing frustration is also healthy. I will continue to march on! 

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