tired, over it, and 9-11

I am a dramatic and emotional soul...I always have been so I have no excuse for my behavior I just embrace it. So the 10 year anniversary of 9/11 has me immersed in the stories of those that were lost, found, and were brave. Emily came home today and we shared the following.


Em: So my history teacher talked about 9/11 today
Me: Oh really?
Em: Yea, she asked whose parents have been torturing them with history channel footage from the event..I raised my hand (She seemed smug)
Me: great, thanks for throwing me under the bus.What did she say?
Em: She gave me an "uh huh" kind of reassuring nod
Me: Good for her (that wreaked of sarcasm)
Em: Well then my teacher said she watched 5 hours of footage past midnight because there were no commercial interruptions. So it seems she watches it all too

Suddenly I liked the teacher again. So Mike pointed out that I had taped the George Bush national Geographic interview.........and man we were in for a bumpy night.......... fasten your seatbelts.


I didn't mention one thing about teaching Emily a lesson or trying to make her feel the way I felt on 9/11... because that's impossible. Emily was only a toddler and doesn't remember where she was when America came to a screeching halt. There have been many shows on our American tragedy with sad stories and documentaries, but this one........was amazing. We all sat in our living room watching the footage of our President in 2001 speaking about what happened, where he was, and what needed to be done. Emily watched and was surprisingly very interested.  Mike and I would pause the TV to explain certain circumstances about what the President was talking about. We would tell her where we were at the time of the incident and how we were feeling. Emily threw a lot of questions at us about the event that she didn't understand.

1. Why the terrorists did this to us
2. Who was Osama Bin Laden
3. Did the people on the plane know what was happening
4. How many firemen died in the building
5. Why did the second building hit fall first.

She asked lots and lots of questions. We took our time to answer each one the best we could. She also asked "Did we declare war?". My response, "Of course we did Emily! I for one was proud of our President for declaring war. It was needed. Many people protested the war and that is their right. The other day Em I read an article about stories from 9/11 and the dedication ceremony that will take place at the opening of the memorial and it stuck with me. A gentlemen had lost his wife in the first building. She was standing on the floor where the plane hit......and well there was nothing left to bury so this is like her grave to him and it means a lot. He said that at one point he stopped going out because it would really anger him when people would tell him they were sorry for his loss but they don't believe in the war. He wanted them to step into his shoes".

I noticed Emily got tears in her eyes on two scenes. One when they showed the scene where the building fell and all you could hear is the squealing of the fireman's alarms because their bodies were laying still for so long. The second scene was a picture that National Geographic posted of two of their own photographers that traveled with some teachers and students that day on one of the flights. Em looked at me "They died". "Yes hun" I replied. After the show was over Emily came over from her seat and sat next to me on the couch. She said "I get it mom. For the very first time I really get it...how very sad" and she cried.

We take for granted being American and we take our freedom for granted. We forget about those who lost their lives and those who lost people they loved. Everyone was affected that day and we shouldn't forget!

Also, I am EXTREMELY tired! Jude is requiring to be repositioned several times a night. I haven't slept well in.........well three years. SO if I am crabby or incapable of helping anyone this week you know why. I am starting to get sick again which is again from lack of sleep. Jude really doesn't ever wake up. He just moans and cries wanting to be turned over. It's just getting out of bed and the sleep disturbance that is truly taking a toll on my health. 

A quick video and another tragedy

This week has been difficult. So I would like to share something positive. This is a video clip my wonderful friend Derek did of our Emily's Smile Box scholarship winner at my pageant. I am so proud of her family.

We got more information regarding another family affected by tragedy this week. One of my best friends in the world had a very good friend gravely injured. Many prayers are needed for the young girl affected by the tragedy.

The impact of taking your own life

We attended the service for my friend yesterday and it was so sad. So without going into to much detail I will finally share with you what happened. On Friday I talked to an old friend who is also a long time client regarding his account. Worried about his condition at the time of the call I called his wife who I have been friends with for probably 20 years. She had heard from him several times that day via phone so she was well aware of why I was calling. After I hung up with her about 8 minutes later he took his life while on the phone with her. It was devastating, tragic, and I was extremely sad for her and mad at him for committing the act while she was on the phone. I got the call on Saturday about what had transpired and cried myself to sleep. What "if's" floated through my mind about our call, but I know that is very normal. I have been through a similar situation before.

Flashback to when I was 15 years old, very innocent, and very naive about the world in general. I met the prettiest boy I had ever seen. He was tall with sandy blonde hair, golden brown eyes, and naturally tan skin. He looked like he needed to be in Hawaii riding a surfboard. He was beautiful, so very nice, but troubled. I soon had my first real boyfriend and I was 100% infatuated. The only issue was that he lived about an hour away from my house so we could only see each other on weekends. We talked every single day and I am sure if text message had been invented then our phones would have blown up all day long. He talked to me about he wished he could please everyone, but he couldn't. He struggled through those difficult teen years and in the end the years won. The night before everything took place he drove all the way out to my house in the middle of the night......without a license. We snuck out (shame on us) and we talked for hours under the moon at a local park until a police officer started wondering why two youngsters were out so late chatting. We were brought home by the police. It was humiliating because I was considered such a good girl. The next day while sitting in class I received a message that I had a telephone call come through the office. I was suppose to call the person back on a pay phone...it was my boyfriend. On the other end of the phone he admitted he had skipped school which I scolded him for. He then told me he was considering ending his life. He had mentioned this before, but the problem was I had no idea he really meant it this time. Let my post be a message to everyone out there that if someone mentions suicide always take them seriously. After some encouraging words from me we got off the phone with an "I love you". Not sure it can be real love at 15, but I sure felt like it was. I had a track meet later that day and while laying on the grass waiting to run I got the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was very wrong. I jumped up and ran to my coach telling him I had to go home right then! I called my grandfather in tears and he came to pick me up. I tried calling my boyfriend, but his mother answered which was very odd and in a panic I hung up. I sat worried at my house waiting for my boyfriend to call.....but he never did.  Later that night I finally got a call from his best friend and my first words were "Where is Chris?".  He replied "Oh Jen no one has called you? Chris hung himself today". I was devastated! I was a 15 year old having a nervous breakdown. It turns out his mother walked in from work to find him. How horrible, how cruel. I struggled for a long time to make sense of the situation. He left me a note that I still have to this day tucked away in a cedar chest in the attic. His father would write me to help me get through everything which was very kind. I remember thinking I could feel Chris near me or that I could hear his voice. I saw him in the shadows when no one was there. Maybe they are around to help comfort us? I have reached out to his family since, but for obvious reasons I am sure they don't feel comfortable talking to me. He is still on my mind and I hope he is at peace.

So while at Chris's funeral and many times afterwards I had several people tell me that those who commit suicide damned to hell. I don't believe this and never have, but you are welcomed to have this opinion.  I believe that my God is compassionate and forgiving. So my friend who took his life this past Friday's father cried to me about how people were telling him the same thing. Why someone would mention this to a newly grieving father......I have no clue. He must have expressed this same situation to the pastor who ran the memorial service, because his lesson was based off a passage in the bible I had also pointed out. The only unforgivable sin is the following...

MATTHEW 12: 31-32 "Therefore I say to you, any sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven men, but blasphemy against the Spirit shall not be forgiven. And whoever shall speak a word against the Son of Man, it shall be forgiven him; but whoever shall speak against the Holy Spirit, it shall not be forgiven him, either in this age, or in the age to come".

It is also not our place to judge what will happen to that person it's God's place!
 
Now let me point out as someone who has been through the loss of someone from a self inflicted method.....it's selfish! You leave those you love behind to pick up the pieces and it's just not fair. IT'S NOT FAIR! The person in such a depression doesn't think about all the small ends that your poor family has to tie up.......it's awful. If you just wait.......things do get better! We battle emotionally with a lot of wars, but life always finds a way to work itself out. If you focus on the positive then eventually the negative will fade away. If you fight and have the courage to fight then God is there to help you through your rough time. Trust me I have had my share of rough times. The above is just a sampling of my childhood. So take your "story" and let it make you a better person.  

My boyfriend never knew about many new beautiful parks, small cell phones, texting, PS3, Ipads, or other material things that I think he would have loved. Isn't that strange to think about? How time moves on without you there? I used to talk to High schools about the impact of suicide. I was told over and over that the largest impact I made was when I said "If you dream about a funeral and how everyone will attend......oh they will.......but in a few months your friends will just move on and barely think of you as they go to prom, graduate, get married, and have children. Although it's your family that will be devastated and partially crippled for the rest of their lives." At the service yesterday his young son got up to the podium. He paused for a moment and looking at the crowd he swept his hair out of his face and spoke "My dad was a good man!" he said like he didn't care what anyone thought (good for him) then he continued "My dad was at every football game, every practice, and every function I ever had since I was little. He was a good man and that's what I will choose to remember". Good for him, God bless him!

My thoughts and prayers are with my friend as she find the strength to work through this. I pray it makes her stronger and she finds a happy life.

fire!

So yesterday at work I started getting phone calls that there was a large fire near my house. After my initial panic I foun d out what happened. Luckily the fire was about 2-3 miles from my house and was in the median on the highway and was rather controlled. It seemed there was an accident and a tanket truck carrying jet fuel exploded. Not just fuel ....... jet fuel. SO basically they had to shut the highway down in both directions. Luckly there are some small dirt roads that not many people know about that lead to our subdivision. It took me almost two hours but I finally made it home.

This was the site from our house. Luckily everyone survived the accident and the fire eventually burned out.

I have the memorial today. I will check back in tomorrow.

Meeting Jude's teacher and get OUT of my way!

I thought I would start this blog off with something happy! I loved the way Jude was interacting with Mike.

So we went to Jude's meet the teacher night at his upcoming school. When I got home Mike was laying on the floor with Jude.
Me: You guys ready to go
Mike (in Jude voice) F you momma I am not going to any school!!! Daddy said he can teach me everything right here (as you can see Mike is rather resistant)
Me: You are going to school
Mike (Jude voice) No I ain't momma!
Me: You are now going for using the word ain't
Mike (Jude voice) NO I AM NOT
Me: Get ready we are leaving
Mike: (Jude voice) insert naughty word
Me: That's not nice!

Jude laughed through the whole conversation. Once we got Jude loaded and Em loaded we ventured down the road to his school. The handicap parking was full......of course. So Mike dropped us off at the front and went to find a parking space. We manuevered through the foot traffic with children constantly bumping into Jude's wheelchair. I made a rather derogatory statement about the failure to eat right on the mothers part thus pushing the kids into us...shame on me. So we kept walking and I had not one but three mothers not paying attention yelling "HEY GUUUUUUUURL" throwing up their arms and plowing into Jude. I tried to quickly move his chair, but they would bump right into us. On the third plowing incident I finally stood still and angrily said "STOP! If I have ONE more person bump into this wheelchair for failure to pay attention someone is getting thrown down". The husband of the third wife grabbed her by the arm, looked at her sternly, and then opened the door to the school for me. I am not happy with my behavior, but I had reached my breaking point.  Once we got back to Jude's classroom the teacher was amazing. She didn't expect us and was so excited to see Jude. She stroked his hair and talked sweetly to him for a long time and he responded with smiles. The teacher thanked us for entrusting her with Jude and that's when daddy Mike lost it and cried. Awwwww! Here is Emily and Jude right after meeting the teacher.

So Jude will go to school on 9/6 and Emily started today. She was so excited she woke up at 6:10am. She could not go back to sleep so she said she laid in bed and watched two episodes of Good Luck Charlie.
Here is Emily leaving with her best friends today. They are all getting so tall.

Tomorrow I am attending the funeral of the party I mentioned yesterday. Not sure I am prepared to go, but non the less I will be there. I will write tomorrow about what happened. On a closing note, be happy in your life. We never know just how bad things can be. So make a goal to be grateful for someone or something specific today and acknowledge that gratefulness outloud.

Tragedy and something positive.

I had a tragedy strike this weekend with a long time friend who is also a client of mine. There is more detail, but I am not ready to go into it yet. Let's just say when I got the call it was a "You have got to be kidding me" moment. It's been awful and I am reeling from it not to mention how horrible I feel for his family.

So rather than going into that story I am going to share a good video of Jude. Overlook my squeaky mom voice and the camera cord that keeps getting in the way.

Therapy for Schizencephaly?

Periodically I like the research in regards to any new treatments for Jude's main medical condition which is Schizencephaly. I found this article which did a great job of explaining his condition cause by the stroke.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Schizencephaly-Treatment:-G-Therapy-Shows-Positive-Effects&id=5622402

It also led me to this website about a new therapy.
http://www.g-therapy.org/

I obviously cannot jet off to India, but it looks like they work with customers in the US via a primary contact in India.

I haven't read much on this therapy but it is encouraging to see that doctors are researching Schizencephaly.  My original research showed they were lacking information in regards to the disease.

Normally when we contact hospitals or therapy centers regarding Jude's condition (ie stem cell) we are told that Jude's case is to severe for them to take him on. We get that answer a lot with therapy equipment too. We finally understand that they want to try to help kids that have minor issues with mobility and have the opportunity to live "possibly" a normal life. Jude doesn't have that. Not every place is like this, but it is a common answer we receive. Honestly, I am happy with Jude's PT + OT and the life we live. Although, I do like to educate myself on what is out there.

A thank you and a lesson to us all whether it be pageants, softball, football...etc

Today a mother that attended Regal Princess with her daughter sent me a thank you note. It was such a blessing to receive such a warm greeting from someone with such a positive spirit. Her daughter took a face title and received a special crown. In her letter she sent me a thank you and then some wonderful advice. I would like to share you a synopsis.

"I just wanted to say thank you for having us at your pageant.  My daughter had a wonderful time. She made a few new friends and enjoyed everything. She was pleasantly surprised at her win and is so proud, and so am I. The crown was absolutely beautiful.

 I have also attached a photo of my oldest son with his Senior Prom (his sister was his date, she's awesome) he just turned 21 last week. The other photo is him in his Halloween costume from last year that I made him.  What a blessing he is to me and everyone who meets him. I found the Article by Erma Bombeck that someone gave me when my son was 6 and it changed how I feel for every day. I know where you are right now in your life and I know where you will be going.  Embrace each day no matter what.  There will be frustration, and its okay to not be a perfect mom, don't try to be because it will tear you down.  As long as you are doing the best you can that's all that matters.  Don't worry,  there will also be alot of days filled with joy. I promise!!"

When I opened the photo it showed her adorable 21 year old son crippled by Cerebral Palsy in his wheelchair next to his 12 year old sister. The picture melted my heart and I burst into tears. I cried because he had far outlived Jude's 5 year life expectancy and his mom had loved every moment of his life. I cried because her precious daughter hopefully learned that physical beauty is just physical but inner beauty lasts a lifetime. In fact I am sure she has learned that lesson.

Rather it be school, football, softball, skating, cheer, or pageants every person is brought into your life for a reason. You are led down a path because God has a purpose. Maybe mine was to meet this amazing mom. I am thankful for her bravery to reach out to me. You made a difference in my life today. Thank you.

Kentucky, Fire alarms, and learning to be gracious.

So as I stated Emily and I jetted off to Kentucky this weekend for AUE a pageant in Louisville and here is a synopsis. Friday night we got to the hotel and we went off to registration only to learn there were 230 kids registered. Yep TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY...lol. Nothing like a little competition. The hotel was gorgeous and so unique full of ornate woodwork and old dark doors. Once we were registered we got Emily to bed to get ready for the competition the next day.

Emily and I were able to sleep in a bit on Saturday because she didn't compete until the afternoon. Once we got up and had breakfast we were ready to go for the day. Then my phone rang and it was Mike.

Mike: Jude woke up with a really high fever
(I excused myself away from Emily)
Me: Oh no. Like how high?
Mike: 103 and climbing
Me: Take him to the ER
Mike: I am. I just wanted to let you know. If it's aspiration you know they will keep him.
Me: Well if it's something serious I will fly home. Let me know and I will figure things out from here.

So I decided to keep the news from Emily. She had worked hard for this weekend. Now let me explain. When someone tells you that a girl works hard for a pageant they mean it. That's one thing that Mike understood after he first watched Emily practice and he commented on it. He said, "Wow I get it. This is a sport". Girls that compete in say Miss Teen Texas don't win by just getting up there and standing there. They learn how to walk, how to articulate, they learn about the world, and they learn a talent. The harder you practice the better you are, just like when Emily does softball. So I didn't want to make her nervous about Jude until I knew what was going on. I called our friend Gina who is always a life saver. She offered to get me on the next flight home if needed and she would fly to stay with Emily. I told her I doubted Emily would stay if something serious was happening with Jude. I told her I was holding out hope that Jude would have something minor going on. The hotel had horrible phone reception so I kept having to leave Emily to check my phone. I knew she was catching on that something was up. She finally looked at me and said "Is Jude okay". I said "Well he is not feeling very well and I am just waiting on Mike to let me know how he is feeling" She seemed satisfied with that response.

Soon Emily was getting ready to compete and I just thought she was stunning!!  We rolled her long hair and our friend Michael styled her. Here are a few pictures from the weekend.

Emily ready for beauty. I loved this dress on her.

They had Rudolph out advertising their Christmas specials. Emily liked him.

This is Emily's friend Sydney. They competed in the same age group together. I had just bought them Shirley Temples and they were having fun.

Mike finally called from the hospital and said they had ran a battery of tests. At first they thought Jude had aspirated because his breathing sounded rattled so Mike was prepared to stay. They then came back and said the X ray was clear. So they gave Jude an IV of antibiotics and of fluid. They then took some blood and urine so make sure there wasn't an underlying blood infection. Then they sent Mike home. I felt terrible I wasn't there with them, but I was thankful Jude was alright. I then told Em what was going on, but that everything was alright and she was relieved.

After competition Emily and I went on a horse and carriage ride.......she loved it! It was the only thing she wanted after competition and for $20 we had to take a spin around Louisville. She giggled and smiled most of the way which made me happy. Once we got back we had dinner with several friends which was a lot of fun too. We finally retired.......exhausted from the day.

About 3:18am I hear "WHOOP WHOOP a fire has been reported please proceed to the nearest stairwell WHOOP WHOOP". I was so tired that it was one of those "am I dreaming" type of moments. When I finally got my senses about me I went to look out our door because I was sure this was a false alarm. I discovered the entire hotel evacuating and we seemed to be some of the last ones on the floor. EM RUN!!! Em "Where is my bra?? mommy can't go free as a bird!". She laughed and panicked at the same time. I finally found said holder and we darted out the door and down four flights of stairs. This was a great scene in the wee hours of the morning. 

It seems it was a false alarm so we all headed back to bed .......... only to hear "WHOOP WHOOP...." again. Sigh, back out of bed we go...back down the stairs and I said "will the drunk people PLEASE quiet pulling the fire alarm!" Emily giggled. It seems there were several bachelor and bachelorette parties about town that night.
Sunday was crowning and Emily was all ready to go. She knew she had done so well at interview and on stage. 

The crowning was very long! When they got to Emily's group we learned she placed in natural photo, print model, composite, interview and received 5th runner up. This meant she could still win a big title. So she came back to met and sat down and we waited. Once they got to the end I looked at Emily and saw her eyes tear up a bit.

Me: Emily! There were 230 gorgeous girls here this weekend. Did you have fun?
Em: yes a blast
Me: Did you do your best?
Em: yes I did
Me: Then that's what matters!
Em: I know I am just disappointed
Me: and that's perfectly okay. You are allowed to be disappointed. Think about it Em, Football teams get out on that field every week and work their hardest. Sometimes in the last two minutes of the game the other team wins and they have lost all that hard work they did, but they learn from it and move on. They also understand that the other team they were playing worked just as hard as they did. 
Em: I know mom. 
Me: Well good. It's up to you how to handle this 
Em: I had a great time and I will just get out there and try again. I want to go to the one in Dallas next month. 
Me: ummmm good attitude but we will see......let's get through this weekend first girl. 

Kid has spunk! Anyway, it was a wonderful weekend and Em and I had a great time together.  I got to market Regal Princess a lot and Emily talked to several people about her Smile Boxes. We did miss out first flight so we got back about 8:30pm last night. I came home to Jude irritable and not wanting to sleep. He then spiked a high fever again at about 3:00am. I gave him some Motrin which brought the fever back down again. We are suppose to watch him over the next five days. If he continues to spike fevers we will have to take him back in. Until then we are just suppose to use Motrin to help keep the fever under control. Also, Emily woke up with a sore throat today so my guess is it is something Viral. Also it seems our dog Biggy has separation anxiety when I am gone...not a good thing. Mike said he wouldn't come out of his crate and just wasn't himself.

This week starts the beginning of the back to school chaos! Emily starts school projects on Saturday. So my fall is going to be very busy!

Cowboys, Reunions, and Planes.

So last night I raced home to get the family to go to the Cowboys pre-season opener.  Charlotte had Jude all dressed up for the occasion. Charlotte truly is a gem!

The air was filled with excitment as everyone made their way to the big stadium. I thought it was gorgeous, but a bit overwhelming. The girls seemed to love it.

We had awesome seats in the club seating area and the field was very visable.

What I found a little unusual was that the monitor was so large over the field. It's nice, but I found myself watching it more than the field.

We left at half time to get home in time to relieve the nurse. All in all we had a great time and the girls had sore throats from yelling so much. Not to mention Faith trying to start the wave...the entire night. She was cracking me up.

Once we got home the nurse marked that Jude's temp was a little elevated. He was sound asleep and I had missed being with him that night. I kissed him before I went to bed and told him I loved him. I got a little smile from his sleep.

So this weekend is my 20 yr reunion I talked about. The festivities start tonight and I have already gotten several phone calls from people wondering why I am not going. I was so active in school that people are surprised I am not going to be there. First, it's very hard for us to get an RN that would stay past midnight. With an event like this you know it will be a late night. We have the nurse from 7am-5pm.  Second, I could go on my own and leave Mike with Jude, but I wouldn't feel right going to a function like that without him. Third, it's hard having people you don't see often tell you how sorry they are regarding Jude. It's sweet and thoughtful, but it's still hard.  Fourth, I see many wonderful people from my high school that I have been blessed to still be friends with. So instead of the reunion Emily and I are jetting off for a weekend together at 3pm today. I am going to market and Em is going to compete. One last hoorah before school starts. I felt more comfortable with this trip than the other. I am still nervous over planes rides, but I am getting better about it. I am conquering my fear which makes me feel more empowered. Now let's all pray! lol.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Tigger and Cowboys

So last night we put baby Jude to bed and he fought it every step of the way. He is now resisting naps and trying to resist going to sleep. He is a true toddler in that sense! After we finally got him to bed I was just exhausted and wanted to go to sleep. Emily begged me to watch her practice so I made her agree that one time would be plenty and then I was going to sleep. So I walked upstairs to Mike's "man cave" and said "I am watching Emily do her routines and then I am going to bed". I kissed him on his head and walked out. I then watched Em and as promised I then walked off to go to bed afterwards. Em followed me ....she bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, fun fun fun fun fun, she was Tigger the only one.....sorry but that's what was in my mind. I finally convinced her I was going to sleep. She had to leave in a huff with a comment about me being old and then she scooted off upstairs. About thirty minutes later Mike came downstairs.

Mike: You didn't tell me you were going to bed.
Me: Yes I did
Mike: No you didn't
Me: Yes I did I even kissed your head and said I was watching Em practice and going to bed.
Mike: Oh......all I noticed was the kiss and wah wah wah wah wah
Me: Like the Peanuts teacher? really?
Mike: I just don't hear you anymore we are growing apart babe just face it.
Me: Sigh, I guess so. Guess you need to hook up with someone in your warehouse
Mike: No way man........(pauses) I love you
Me: I know.
Mike: No I really do, but your kid has way to much energy
Me: (laughs) oh no did she come after you when I went to bed. She is just pent up in the house waiting for school to start.

At that moment we hear thud thud thud thud from her running across the floor upstairs and then suddenly the thuds coming back the other way. 

Mike: She needs to lay off whatever she is on I mean it's not good for her 
Me: Giggle......you're wrong really wrong.  

Tonight Mike, myself, Em and Faith are going to the pre-season opener with the Dallas Cowboys. Our nurses worked together so we could go.....we are very lucky. Mike's boss handed him the tickets and said he appreciates Mike. When he got them home he looked down at the value of the tickets and each one was marked $350...........WOW. First, for pre-season?? Still that's awesome. I cannot wait to see the seats and I am so proud of my husband for doing such a great job at work that he gets rewarded in a big way. Way to go Mike!

Prayers, Pageants, and parties

So can men get baby fever like women do? I am here to tell you that they can. Saturday I caught my husband cooing over a baby that was at Target. Then today we went to lunch together and again he was making sweet faces at a newborn. He started talking again about how he wants another baby and I understand his desires. Mike loves Jude very much, but he also wanted more kids from the start. The thought of it scares me to death, but again I understand his wants. We still don't have insurance so it's not even an option right now, but I wanted him to know I relate to his desires.

So Jude is doing pretty well and fought through his immunizations like a prize fighter. This proves to me that he is one strong little boy. He does have the issue with the Scoliosis or the bone loss which is concerning, but we don't have a diagnosis on that yet. We understand it means it could shorten his life span, but we cannot worry over that until we know what's wrong. He will be going to get an X ray very soon. The good news is Jude is making more vowel sounds and he is doing this cute movement with his legs like he is walking. I guess he figures that since he cannot stand up he is still going to show us he could walk.

So I posted on facebook this morning that I am holding a pageant prelim in November. I got several emails from people who were confused so I thought I would explain. You hold pageant prelims because they are small pageants. They introduce your system to new kids and to existing kids that compete, but have never tried your system before. Our plan was to hold 5 of these a year leading up to nationals and to take Emily to 5 big nationals to advertise. It works like this. Say Emily won Miss Roanoke then she would go to Miss Texas and then on to Miss America. Make sense? Anyway, I have already had some interest in the prelim. It's just beauty and casual wear with little to no makeup. We want a fresh sweet look. This will lead the way for the girls at the prelim to compete at nationals.  I am truly excited that this business is going well. I have lots of little girls competing for the queen of hearts prize that my royalty competes for. They are all doing lots of community service.

It was nice to have lunch with Mike today. We have been passing each other a lot with work, starting of school, and more. Next week will prove to be busy since Emily and Jude are both about to go back to school. Well Em and I hope a plane on Friday everyone please say safe prayers for us.

Also, we are working on Emily's 13th birthday party which include an Emily's Smile Box packing event and a fundraiser . We still need raffle donations for the event. If you know of anyone that can contribute please let us know. It is tax deductible.

My friend sent this to me today with a little note that said "this made me weepy". It made me weepy too and I think it's wonderful! I agree with the message.

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell.


He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and

Set about nailing it to a post on the edge of

His yard.

As he was driving the last nail into the

Post, he felt a tug on his overalls.

He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your

Puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat

Off the back of his neck, "These puppies come

From fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment..

Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a

Handful of change and held it up to the farmer.
"I've got thirty-nine cents.

Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer.

And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran

Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.
The little boy pressed his face against the chain

Link fence.

His eyes danced with delight.

As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else

stirring inside the doghouse.
Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller.

Down the ramp it slid.

Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the

others, doing its best to catch up...
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the

Runt.

The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said,

"Son, you don't want that puppy.

He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence,

Reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his

Trousers.
In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down

Both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.
Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well

myself, and he will need someone who understands."

With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.
Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.
"How much?" asked the little boy... "No charge,"

Answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."

Lots of shots.

Today was not a good day for Jude and Charlotte. They both were transported to Jude's pediatrician and hour late where Jude was given a physical and his vaccines. Jude was in a wonderful mood and was talking to all of his doctor's until the poor nurse had to stick him with SIX needles. Jude was heartbroken and the story from Charlotte made me sad. Jude was still in tears when I came home. I wanted to pick him up but I could tell Jude also wanted to throw up. The thoughts of people telling me to allow Jude to stay on his side if he is sick flooded my thoughts.  I finally just scooped him into my arms regardless of his retching and soon he became quiet. He just wanted to be held and told how mean the doctor's office was. It actually made me feel relieved that he wanted my words and touch...he was very calm.

For months I have pointed out that Jude's chest bone seems to protrude on the left side. Everyone seemed to ignore me, but Charlotte discovered it too and she brought it up to the doctor today. It seems Jude has either lost bone density or has scoliosis. Mike seemed very upset about this news, but I am not surprised. If a person is not standing erect then our bodies lose mass. I want to fix the situation, but again I am not surprised.

Overall Jude stayed happy the rest of the night. He conquered those vaccines with a heroic attitude. Thus proving to me that Jude is ready for school and more interaction....with his dedicated nurse Charlotte by his side.

Shots and more

Poor baby Jude is having all his vaccines today to get him caught up for school. It makes me sad I cannot go with him and the nurse. I sure hope he tolerate them alright. He goes at 2pm so I will be waiting to hear how he does.

I am missing my Emily. She is at her dads this week and I am ready for her to come home. Here is a recent picture of her that our favorite photographer took.

Lexie Luther in the kingdom of spiders

This is Lexie Luther who as you can see built a metropolis of a web in our garage.

Yes that's a black widow.......they follow ME! Mike discovered her on Tuesday night so when I got home yesterday this was our conversation.

Me: Did you kill the spider?
Mike: Well no... I had Jude...what if I went out there and she killed me or something? Jude would have to pull himself to safety
Me: Oh good grief! Well you need to go kill her because if she has a nest that's no bueno
Mike: Well he is pretty big
Me: It's a she
Mike: I think it's a he because he is big
Me: It's a she. Only girls have the red hourglass
Mike: How do you know?
Me: I know. The males are also smaller and she probably ate her mate
Mike: That's not nice
Me: Nope! I grew up around a farm and I got bit by one of those suckers remember?
Mike: Ok so you want me to kill her now? like right now?
Me: Yes like right now
He picks up a can of posion
Me: I would smash her.
Mike: but what if she gets me?
Me: She won't. I mean they aren't aggresive unless you try to get her food or hit her or something....well I mean I guess you are trying to kill her. That stuff doesn't work well on spiders.
Mike: Well it has a spider on the front and it looks like a black widow
Me: sigh
Mike: sprays poison
Me: what's wrong
Mike: she isn't there she ran away. She is going to COME FOR ME IN THE NIGHT
Me: Oh gees I am going inside.

So who knows if Lexie Luther is still alive, but superman did NOT smash her.

Jude says he is a big boy and he would have killed her!

Great moods are a good thing!

I feel great today! Physically and mentally. I woke up a lot with Jude last night, but it didn't seem to phase my happy mood today. He was also very smiley this morning when I left and is back to wiggling his legs when I talk to him. I think that is just so cute. I am so much better mentally with his situation and ours. Jude is doing the very best he can and he is such a little trooper so I have decided to do the very best I can. Part of this is because our family unit is in a true dance. We moved together in sych as we care for Jude and make sure he is tended to properly. I am also so proud of the Regal Princess accomplishment. I have a great regular job, but I am proud that I started this entire business on the side. It was a huge success thanks to my friends, family, and the hard work we all put in. My sister (the youth pastor) called last night and said

My sis: That was different than what I thought.
Me: Well is that good or bad?
Sis: Good! I just expected....mmmm...
Me: (giggling) yes?
Sis: Well like crazy moms and what you see on TV. I didn't think they would actually be toned down or natural like you said and it was well..........really really fun. I see why they do it.
Me: So glad!

We also met the mother of a contestant this weekend who approached me about Jude. While at the pageant she had researched our information on Emily's charity. She wanted to let me know that her son is in the exact same situation........and is 21!! She said they told her he wouldn't live past 5. She said he is like a 5 month old, but is such a blessing. We talked about the positive of the keto diet, new marketed seizure medications, g buttons, and all kinds of special needs talk. She was such a dear and I loved chatting with her.

So Jude and Emily are both about to start back to school. How strange does that sound that Jude will be going to school? His nurse is going with him and he will only attend the days he is not in therapy. Mike is taking off a morning next week to get Jude registered. I then am taking Em after work to pick up her schedule for middle school. I also have to take Em school clothes shopping. So this weekend was my big 20th year high school Reunion. GOOD LORD AND A QUARTER I AM OLD. Anyway, I was truly not that enthused about it all. The people I want to see from high school are always available to be seen. Also, it's virtually impossible to get someone to stay long enough at night for us to go out without being worried. So Mike and I made a deal. He is staying home next weekend while Emmy and I jet off to Kentucky for her to compete and myself to market. Mike and I both thought it was important to jump back into marketing to double our numbers next year. In return Mikey has a pass at the end of the month to spend a weekend wrapped in Fantasy Football. He also mentioned getting an entire weekend to himself playing games next weekend......uh huh an ulterior motive..lol.

So I am well rested after this past weekend. I have an entire weekend to myself this weekend and we are all finally in a very very good place. :). We are smiling like Jude today!

One thing that made me smile is my newly crowned Emily's Smile Boxes scholarship winner passing out 50 Smile Boxes to Cook's Children's hospital. She cheered up lots of patients yesterday. Way to go Maddie. I could tell by her Rosy cheeks that she was working up a sweat in the back of that SUV unloading boxes. Isn't she so cute with her little pink tiara?

The very first Regal Princess Pageant and Missing my Jude

Well I am at lunch and I have a chance to update my blog. I am 100% exhausted after running the pageant this weekend, but it was worth it. There were a few very stressful moments, but that's to be expected. One of those moments got out of control, but I cannot take that back now. All in all it turned out to be a good weekend. My friends and family helped tremendously!!! I sent out a text to them letting them know I felt like I asked to much of them. They replied "I felt like you didn't ask enough and count me in next year". It made me feel wonderful.

The weekend started on Friday with registration. Registration was suppose to last from 10-5, but it lasted from 10-10. It seems traffic was a nightmare and many people were late. So we all worked together to make sure everyone got registered and off to interview or talent. Each little girl made a Smile Box at either registration or before interview.  I am afraid that I missed the majority of the talent competition, but I heard it was amazing. Saturday competition was held all day long. The girls competed in beauty, casualwear, swimwear, and fairytale wear. In the afternoon I ran home for a bit because I was really missing my Jude. I had to give him some kisses and then run back to the pageant. 

Saturday night we held our banquet that benefited Kids Swing. You can check them out at www.kidswing.org . The founder of Kids Swing Ben Sater came to give a speech to the little girls about the benefits of community service. I have to praise my step mom Kay and my dad for setting up my banquet room. It looked fabulous!!! At the banquet my amazing emcee Rod then made a speech I wrote about how great Emily is. He told her how much she blesses our lives and we gave her her own very pink crown and banner. She wanted one of those crowns so bad. She just walked up and said "I love you mommy" and I started crying. Saturday night we also awarded our very first Emily's Smile Boxes scholarship winner. This little girl had a list of community service events she participated in that took up the entire page. Next year I am giving an award the one of my royalty that does the best community service work. Maddie started out early because she and her mom took all the Smile Boxes we made at registration to Cook's hospital today. Here is our little Princess Maddie.

Here are a few pictures from the banquet.

Sunday morning we had crowning and overall it went very well. The little girls loved their pink crowns and our Grand Supreme winner was so happy! She and her mother were both in tears. Here is our very first Grand Supreme winner Lizzy.

All the little girls were beautiful and precious. When I get my photo's in I am going to feature the group shot on my blog. I just love it :)

I am glad to be home with Jude again. He was so smiley last night and I held him as much as I could and gave him lots of kisses. He had a hard night with my aunt on Saturday, but he seems much better. Thanks again to everyone that helped me make this past weekend possible. I look forward to next year.