Jude got up three times last night. It doesn't sound like a lot, but I think it's taking more of a toll on me lately. I guess that's because I am getting older and my body just doesn't work as well. I feel like my bones creak whenever I get out of bed in the morning. I know Jude is uncomfortable and who wouldn't be after being in the same position or hours. I know that this upcoming surgery will help with this issue. I don't like the idea of the pump in his stomach, but I know the constant flow of the pain relieving medication will help Jude. I really believe this will help him sleep better, but we will still need to change his position.
Last night I was scanning over friends pages on Facebook and I saw kids that were Jude's age dressed up for their preschool graduation. They were ready for kindergarten. It's hard to explain my feelings when I see cute pictures like this. I always smile because I am happy for them, but it's a little twinge reminder that that's where Jude should be. Then in a half second I smile because I am still holding Jude in my arms like a baby and he is smiling at me innocently. Sometimes I think Jude is lucky! He will never know any emotional pain or disappointments that we do and he is happy with who he is. He doesn't need the things we think we need so he is perfectly content.
The puppy is doing well but last night I compared her to a whale scooping up fish in the Ocean. She just opens her mouth and walks and whatever gets into her mouth she bites. She will grow out of this and I know she will be great for Jude. It's just the patience of dealing with her right now or watching Mike deal with her. Charlotte said they have already incorporated her into some of the therapies and they have Jude feeling her fur. Although, it did take the puppy all of five seconds to chew off the end of my new Apple charger...insert curse word.
So I have been reading a lot about making myself a better person. I found an amazing article and I am really trying to abide by it. I am trying not to judge or make assumptions because doing that just leads to anger and resentment. I am also working on maintaining a positive space around me. If I maintain positive and deflect the negative then there is nothing but an inviting environment left. I am also working on maintaining good healthy relationships. Sometimes we allow abusive people in and they tear down all that's good within us. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to like their behavior and I am truly learning that we teach people how to treat us. I have allowed many people in my life to treat me very poorly and it's time to change that. I have also decided I need to look within myself to see what traits may be unattractive and work on that as well. I know I can be head strong, opinionated, and I am not good at walking away. There are other things as well I need to work on so I am on a sabbatical of change. I am also taking steps to eliminate stress in my life and make my life more simple. It's amazing what Jude has taught me over the years and I really attribute this new found inspiration to him. Simplify, enjoy life, and take in the positive. Jude is a great teacher!