Last night while talking to Emily I noticed that as the light drifting across her face and she looked very pale. I knew she could just be tired from a long day of softball practice, and vacation bible school. Although, my thoughts began to race, and worst case scenario scenes flashed in my head. It's horrible I know, but my mind does this now. I try to control it and remind myself that worrying doesn't do anyone any good, and to be thankful for everyone around me. I am not sure if this is a reaction to our situation with Jude, or a lifetime of situations. When I lost my mom at 7 my life seemed to encounter many hardships. I feel like the army commercial, "I have seen more death and issues than most people before 50!" Everyone has their stories, but trust me I have a doozie. Anyway, so I have a tendency to over worry about things sometimes. I have always wondered if certain people are pre destined to deal with more in life? Doesn't make anyone better or worse, it's just fates straws that you draw. Thus leading to my point of today's blog which will follow.
Next week Jude will be fitted for his adaptive stroller which is, well his wheelchair. I sat around my house last night looking at doorways, floors, and more. I am thankful we have tile, but I still need to change out the carpet in the living room to make things easier with the stroller, and future adaptive aids. I also understand that Jude's stroller will not go up our stairs. So I began to wonder about eventual conversions of rooms, doors, floors, and more. I wondered if during Jude's life we will need to make these changes, only time will tell. Then I began to feel sorry for us, and Jude.......bad mama! In the next instant I heard Jude's shrill laugh, and I smiled, and the pity party quickly drifted away. This morning I got in my car, and turned on the radio only to hear a sad story coming through the speakers. I listened with interest as I heard a dad talking about his daughter who has terminal cancer. He talked about how the whole town is getting together to create Christmas in July, and fulfill her dying wishes. I swallowed hard, and I thought about how lucky I am. I thought how I can have a pity party that my child is special needs, but I still have my child. We just never know .... do we? They didn't know.....the had a perfectly healthy child until this last December. I know Jude will always need my help, my home, and more. Although there are children out there all over that have predestined plans by the parents regarding college, and more.......but they won't ever see those plans. For one reason or another fate intervenes and derails our life. I guess it's what you do with that life no matter how long or short it is that matters. We can plan, but sometimes life makes our plans for us, without bothering to ask us if it's ok. So we need to live our lives to the fullest possibility, just in case.
We never stop to think much about wheelchairs, cancer, losing a baby, losing a child, or even stemcells, or health care reform......until we have to. Why? Is it because we canot relate? I had no personal vested interest in George Bush holding back stem cell research....until now. I never knew the personal heartache of possibly losing a child.....until now. So maybe we should all take a minute to not feel sorry for people in these situations, but to try to relate to them. To understand what they need, and help them obtain it. To take an interest in politics that will help those that are ill. To stand up and make a difference in someones life.......to make a difference in the world. It may be something as simple as.........Emily's Smile boxes, but it's something.
Have a good day!