As I stated earlier Jude is doing better, but he is not a 100% yet. He has eaten enough today to stay hydrated, but nothing more than that. Which means he is doing what he needs to, to survive but ....nothing more. He fought me tonight when I gave him his bottle prior to putting him to bed, and I truly hurt his feelings when administering the Depakene. My friend "Fleck", was here, and got to experience the hissy fit in it's entirety, crocodile tears, big lip, and all. Surprisingly even though there was a fight I quickly got Jude's medication down him I included a few sips of apple juice, and a few sips of formula, before I let him retire for the night.
The ever looming issue of keeping Jude nourished is becoming a huge monster waiting for us. It's like we climb the mountain ahead of us only to find a huge obstacle standing in our way, it's a slap in the face. Jude has had a swallow test, and we know that he is not aspirating, so this is just a flat out refusal to eat. I have issues with a G tube, but if need be we would obtain one, but I hope we don't have to travel down that road. I admire you mothers that have ventured in that direction, but at the same time I selfishly hope I don't have to check into that lesson. I hope that doesn't offend you.
As mentioned my friend Fleck was over tonight watching TV, drinking wine, and talking with me. It's amazing how fate steers the appropriate people your direction in time of need. She sat with me on a Saturday night watching my baby cry, and she ate my chicken casserole.... that I probably baked to long. I explained to her tonight that I tend to be rather trusting, and naive when it comes to friendship. Yet in her case I know she is genuine, and she listens to my issues with an open heart. I told her all about my friend Ginger, my oldest... and dearest friend, who has always done the same. I explained that if I was wandering alone in the middle of the night crying Ginger would take me in and wipe my tears, without question. I know Fleck would do the same with hugs and little questions. My cousin would also do the take me in, and if the situation needed, find the person who created the tears and SMACK them with a sock of quarters. It's nice to have people who can listen without "advice", and just let you be. Just let me be..........me. Regardless of a mention of names my friends are always there for me, and I am grateful. When I leave this Earth I hope to leave behind smiles in people's faces. In other words, I hope my friends will think of something I have done, or said with them...............and smile knowing, "Well that's just Jenn". That would make me happy!
Sometimes I do need to just "be" without agenda, or reason. My life may seem together, but at times it is very frayed. The first year is the hardest.........so I hear............I hope they are right.