I have a massive amount on my mind again today, and I am trying to sort through it before I post. I swear somedays I feel like my head is a jumbled Rolodex that is not sorted alphabetically. I am guessing the reason I am jumbled is because it's Monday, and Monday's as you know throw me off. I already miss Jude! I miss him I miss him, and I want to hold him! He and Emily were both so sweet this weekend, and I had the best time with them. Last night after Emily went to bed, Jude and I watched "The Tudors" together. Well I tried to watch the show, but Jude kept laughing the whole way through. I finally just paused the TV, because it was a serious show last night, and his little laughs were far more important. He spent the better part of twenty minutes smiling, and laughing at me as I sang, and tickled him. As we sat in the darkened quiet living room his laughter seemed so loud that it rang through the house. I thought to myself, "This makes it all worthwhile!". Jude was so loud, that Mike eventually joined our group, and he laughed along with Jude's squeals. I truly enjoyed this time with my little boy! I had been to a baby shower earlier in the day, and was explained to someone there Jude had suffered a stroke. Again I heard, "he did?? baby's can have strokes?". Anyone can suffer a stroke, so please keep yourself updated on the signs and symptoms.
After we had our laughter time I then finished watching The Tudors. Mike had taken Jude upstairs to their, "man cave". I followed them after my show had ended, and I walked in wiping my eyes. I explained to Mike that Jane Seymour had died, and I was very upset about it. He just laughed at me, and suggested we finish watching the movie "Ghost Town". We had started the movie the night before, but had both gotten to tired to finish it. Mike, and I both ended up crying at the end of this movie. The movie was slow in parts, very funny in parts, and very touching in parts. I thought the movies depiction of "going into the light" was rather ingenious. They also did a great job of showing how your death could truly impact other people.
I guess it was the weekend of tears, because I was also very touched by Extreme home makeover, and an article my cousin sent me. On Extreme home makeover they followed a family that had lost their daughter to a violent crime, and their son to a drunk driver. TWO children?? Who has to endure that? Then I read the article my cousin sent that was in Texas Monthly called, "Still life". This story revolved around a mother that cared for her son after he was paralyzed from the neck down in a football accident. They discussed how everyone in town knew who they were after their tragic accident, but as time faded so did knowledge of their family. Taking care of an disabled family member doesn't fade though, and a mothers love will always last. I wondered how both of these families coped with their fate, and their loss. I wrestled with why certain families seem to be inflicted with so much tragedy. I know they have a better understanding of true loss, and what's important in life. Although, I know they would have preferred learning those lessons another way. After you receive devastating news your whole world changes in a way that many others cannot imagine. As you walk down the street you find yourself wondering if anyone can relate to the way you are feeling. You find yourself listening to the footsteps of others, and they ring in your ears....time seems to slow down. I watched and read both stories with keen interest, and felt empathy for these families. Although, it was when I got to the end of the article though that I was truly touched. Because of new techonology many of us know we may bear a child that has issues, but many other parents face the circumstance of an critically injured child. They never anticipated this happening, and had no warning. This woman did a fabulous job of summing up how you feel taking care of a disabled child. Keep in mind I have only done this job for a few months, and my son is not paralyzed (we think). She on the other hand cared for her paralyzed son for YEARS, and at the end of his life he thanked her for caring for him. She simply replied, "It was my honor".
It was my honor!!! WOW, what an incredible statement!. It will be my honor to care for Jude, no matter what his circumstances may be.