Monday, January 2, 2017

Stone Soup Take Two

After Jude passed away I posted a blog about an old story I used to read called, "Stone Soup." 
It was basically explaining that I was empty right after his loss and could only fill my pot with water. I also really didn't want to have anyone add anything to the water to make it soup. Slowly over time I have opened up more to allow others to contribute to my family's healing and start making soup filled with love and memories. 

Yesterday I heard someone reference Tear Soup and after researching I found that this was actually a book. I have not read it yet but I thought how interesting the concept of tear soup is. Not everyone likes tear soup and therefore you cannot expect everyone to contribute, taste it, or even want to smell it. However some people are always there to help you care for your soup and help your soup find it's purpose. There is nothing wrong with either of those choices. Some people can handle traumatic situations and some people prefer not to.  Over the course of the last nine months, can't believe it's been 9 months, I have found that I have to grieve in my own way. I cannot expect others that have not lost a child to understand what I need or react in the manner I expect them to. Therefore I must explain if I need something, if I need a break, or what makes me feel comforted. I have terrible anxiety especially regarding driving. Any trip that takes me outside of my comfort zone on large busy highways will leave me racked with anxiety and the grief so much worse. I have no idea why this has happened but my understanding is over exaggerated reactions to traumatic situations is very normal. The positive portion is I have good friends that are helping me with my tear soup that understand this situation and go above and beyond to help. 

One of the complaints I hear over and over in my loss forum is how the individuals grieving feel like others are hurting them more with their words or actions. I am far enough into this journey that as I stated above I have learned the healing starts with me. I must express what I need or don't need to make a positive proper impact on my life and my family's life. I am thankful that the I was blessed with this knowledge because it's brought me comfort and understanding. 

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