A quick update

The Pediatric Stroke Race we host is tomorrow and the Emily's Smile Box day too. We are ready and have already had a lot of people pick up their race bib and packet. However my anxiety is super peaked. I think it's because of the association to Jude. I am really missing him today and feel a little lost. I know Mike shares in these feelings and I think we are both searching for a purpose. Nothing can fill Jude's loss but we all need purpose in our lives. I am not sure if it's adoption that I mentioned, helping another special needs child, or what. I am praying for answers and I am sure the right path will be shown to us. 

We appreciate everyone coming out tomorrow. Let's do this for Jude! #DOITFORJUDE

Bad Dreams

Last night I had a good but bad dream about Jude. In the end the dream became haunting. So here is the recap.

Mike and Jude were on the bed and I was on a treadmill. I noticed Jude was about to fall off the bed and I quickly caught him . I had Jude's head cradled in my hands and I was telling Mike he almost let him fall. Jude was smiling real big at me and I said, "oh ju ju I love you so", and he kept smiling like he used to and he was babbling back. Mike was saying, "he's dead he's not here" and Judes face started turning cold and changing colors and I realized I had gone crazy and I was seeing things. It was disturbing. I have cried the majority of the day. I had a friend tell me; "Jenn you have to break to allow those around you to put you you back together again." Maybe that's what this is. I am not sure but what a horrible awful day. I know it was just a dream but I miss the family I had. Per my therapist  these types of dreams are normal. So I will just work through it.

Maybe it's because I know next weekend will truly be about Jude. I'm Not sure but I so miss my little boy. All I can do is suck back the tears and steamroll forward to make sure next weekend is amazing. I need help so I'm asking family and friends to be there this week, thank you. I appreciate everyone's support. Let's do this for Jude.

The blog, the book, and the charity

If you didn't get to hear my interview with Sarah Green on ClearSource Radio here it is. There is a lot of information about the blog, the book, and Emily's Smile Boxes. I also talk about special needs parenting and losing a child. I would love you to listen. It's about 45 minutes long.

How some words hurt grieving parents.

I would like to share a blog post that has been shared multiple times in my loss forum. It is comprised of parents who lost children and the words they found unhelpful when they were grieving. Although I don't agree with all of them I did agree with enough that I was compelled to share the information. I am doing so because this might help someone else in the future. It could help them to know that their feelings are not hateful and are just normal. Grieving parents know people mean well so we have a tendency to feel guilty for questioning comfort that is lended to us. 

 I am at a point that I just smile and take in people's words knowing they mean well and I am grateful for all that's given. Very few people actually ever truly offended me and if they did so I nicely explained the situation to them. So rest assured this is solely for the benefit of grieving parents and those surrounding them. 

Probably #1 would be do not compare your pets death to a child. Just don't. I hear that ALL the time happening in my loss forum and the poor parents are mortified. Goodness knows I love Leibe with all my heart, but well just don't. 

Anyway, here is the read. 

https://thelifeididntchoose.com/2016/02/11/loving-well-some-things-hurt/

The Book update

Today I received an email from my publisher that Jude's book is now on Amazon for pre-order. It's so surreal looking at his tiny little face on the cover beaming out at me. His story, his struggle, his inspiration will be available to so many.

If you would like a copy please see the link or if you know someone that would like a copy please share the link with them. When it's officially released it will be available on kindle too.

I hope Jude is proud and happy. Actually I know he is. This little boy fed these words to my fingers through his amazing fight and blessing. Oh how I miss my darling boy.

https://www.amazon.com/Diary-Baby-Stroke-Jennifer-Ortiz/dp/1942557841/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1473455212&sr=8-1&keywords=the+diary+of+a+baby+and+a+stroke

Hard Jude Days

When I have difficult days I name them "hard Jude day." I am not sure what triggered it but today isn't a good day. Lots of tears behind my computer and in my car today. It's random how the bad days strike out of nowhere. I even screamed out loud in my car at one point today because I was so angry Jude is gone and had such a rough life. I just take these days as they come and work through them. I know tomorrow should be better. 

Emily is super busy these days. She is taking SAT tutoring 3 times a week for two hours, her schoolwork, and so much more. She barely has any time and I miss seeing her but I admire her dedication. She's a good kid!

I started a new venture and I am really enjoying it. A friend was selling a new product line called Perfectly Posh. I love love bath and body items so I signed up. If you ever want to stop by my site please feel free to. They make great Christmas gifts and you can sign up referrals to get perk points for free goodies. If you sign up they give you 500 perks for your birthday! Just click on referrals. https://www.perfectlyposh.com/Jennjennortiz

The radio show

I have an interview and would love you to tune in!!
https://www.facebook.com/events/1253245354707250/?ti=ia

I hope I can speak eloquently enough to make Jude proud.

The Headstone and Houston

I won't lie......Friday was hard. We felt alone, we were sad, and it was rough. However we made it through. Mike and I went together to see Jude's headstone which was placed for his birthday we then took Emily after school. We all shed many tears but we were also touched at the precision and mastery put into his memorial. For those not on my Facebook here is Jude's marker that will last far beyond our time here. 

On Saturday Emily and I flew out to Houston to watch the Miss Texas competition and it was nice to get away for a bit. My amazing friend Gina went with us and I was very grateful for her company. We have all planned a road trip to watch Emily compete in November for teen. I believe I mentioned on here that the day after Jude died Emily was set to give up her Miss Dallas teen title. She announced on stage that she would be competing at Miss Teen again, which was a shock to me. She explained to us all that Jude never gave up and he wouldn't want her to give up either. How can you do anything other than support that? 

Thank you for continuing to support our family.