So the time has come, we have decided to get the G button. Mike, and I have tried as long as we can to get Jude to eat normally. Jude had problems eating with me yesterday. He ate about 5 ounces at 10am, and didn't eat again until after 7:30 pm. That is just not enough! Mike called me earlier while I was working just exasperated, and said he thinks it's time to get the button. Honestly, when I heard him say that I just made up my mind that this is it, it's time. I went into action mode. I called the nurse to see what we need to do to extend her to full time to care for Jude after the surgery, and I then emailed my boss letting him know I will need some time off. Mike's job was to call the GI specialist to schedule the surgery. I have no idea if he has called him yet, but I doubt it. I know in the end this decision will benefit Jude, but it still makes us feel like we are giving up.
Mike is having a very hard time, and it's honestly it's wearing on our marriage. I am doing my very best to help him cope with everything, but there is only so much I can do. He now feels like a failure, and that nothing ever goes his way because of the G button. I understand his reasoning. It's not the G button itself, we know that will ease our life some, it's just the fact it's another step. It's Mike accepting the fact his son will never be more than a baby. We can hope, but there comes a point to where you do have to accept some realization. Mike was questioning why we had Jude this morning, but I told him we can never look back, and we need to appreciate Jude for who he is. I am unsure when we will schedule the surgery, but it will be pretty soon. I would like to wait until after Jude's birthday, but I am not sure we will. So we will be trained on how to properly care for Jude's tube. We will also continue with speech therapy to try, and get Jude to eat normally in the future.
I have requested some time off work in February. Our good friend gave us some airline passes, and Mike, and I are going to get away. I think we need the break from everything, and just some time to ourselves. Making a marriage last takes work, and especially when you have other issues affecting your everyday life. Honestly, I am pretty much a go with the flow type of person. I will do what I can to try and see the positive in every situation. Mike tends to get frustrated with me because I do that, but I just hate being negative. It's no way to live your life. Now don't get me wrong there are days where I don't want to answer a text, or a call, or anything because I am busy, and just overwhelmed. Days where I want to be happy for everyone elses good news, babies, and more, but I can't. Days where people's uplifting words of encouragement don't help. It happens, it's rare but it happens! By the way, this is one of those days.